Resolving work conflicts - help

LondonMouse

I may need to be the moderator of a meeting with two colleagues and this is NOT my thing. Does anyone have advice on how to help this meeting go well and be productive? I want them to both leave with some hope that things may get better if they follow through with whatever we discuss. If you have any helpful websites, you can share that too. I found a couple resources when I did a Google search but the more input the better. 

MrsHabious

Some of the things we do before the meeting begins is to agree on the "rules of engagement" for the meeting.

If we discuss decisions, both parties need to agree to the piece of the path forward.  If one does not agree, he/she needs to state a comprimise and the other needs to agree.  THat can go back and forth several times.

Detail the next steps, timelines, etc.

Have a stiff drink before the meetng

umdbride

I think being as structured as possible helps.  Create an agenda, action or decision items, etc.  After the meeting send out a recap with updated action items and responsibilities as discussed during the meeting and set up a follow up meeting for a few weeks or so down the road to check in and make sure everyone is still feeling good about the compromises.

ch ch ch chia

Agree with both PP's....  to add to that, part of your responsibility will be to make sure that both parties clearly understand what each other is saying.  A lot of conflicts seem to be caused by miscommunication, misplaced expectations, not really "hearing" each other, or, thinking that you're agreeing to something other than what you're actually agreeing to.

As a facilitator, you should encourage them to elaborate on things.... Repeat and/or rephrase what one party is saying, and reaffirm agreements - making sure that all of the specifics are really clear.

For example, #2 says "#1 is always late." #1 might say "I'll come in early sometimes."  You:  "What do you mean by that?"  #1 says "I'll come in early a couple times a week."    You:  "OK, so two times a week, #1 will come in early.  Let's talk about what "early" means."  #2 - "I'd like her to be in by 8, but she's not here til 10."  #1 - "I can't get in by 8, but can be here by 8:30."  You:  "OK, so #1 can come in two days a week by 8:30.  #2, is that an acceptable compromise?"  #2 - "No."  You - "Well, let's talk about why it isn't."  #2 - "I need #1 to do x,y,and z, and it needs to be done before 8:30."  You:  "how about if she does x, y, and z the night before?"  etc., etc.,etc, until you actually come to agreement.

LondonMouse

Thanks so much...excellent advice and I really appreciate it. The meeting is next week. Ugh.