Do you say thank you?

chelbel7

To your husband or significant other for pitching in on the chores around the house?  

It makes me a bit crazy that my H really takes no initiative on the cleaning and will only do it after I ask and/or freak out about it.  It also bothers me that he takes hours to do it when the whole flat can be cleaned thoroughly in 1.5 hours tops.  Yesterday, I was complaining to him about all these things we have to get done and he told me I need to leave for the day next weekend so he can clean.....a day!?! I wasn't even complaining about the cleaning at that time so leaving for a cay would not help me get all the other things done that I need to. It takes him forever because he watches football at the same time and does it leisurely, he also doesn't clean it as thoroughly as I would but I appreciate any help he gives.  

 That being said, do you say thank you because you appreciate the help, thank you because you hope the encouragement will cause him to pitch in more, or nothing because it's really a job that should be shared and it's done for both of you?

 I think I go through phases where I do a mix of all of the above, but I'm starting to get a little fed up.  I'm now trying to ignore the fact that it's been a week and a half since I cleaned the whole flat and just asked him to clean the shower and sweep under our bed and he still hasn't done it...now the whole flat needs to be cleaned again. Ugh! 

Tofumonkey

We both say Thank You whenever we notice the other person doing things, like the dishes, laundry, hoovering, mopping, etc. It's just nice to have your effort recognized, I think, and we both appreciate it.

As for your DH cleaning, oh man, I could go on for hours about my DH's cleaning. He drives me crazy! He does stuff all the time like the dishes, the floors, laundry, cooking, etc. but oh my freaking god, when it's crunch time, he just phones it in!

If we're having people over the first cleaning things that come to mind are the bathroom, hoovering the living room and hall and tidying up the house and kitchen a bit. Him? I ask him to help out before company comes over and he goes to clean our bedroom. Our BEDROOM! They're not sleeping over DH! We're not swingers! They aren't even going to SEE our bedroom!

Oh, and the "intensive DH clean". Grrrr.... he decides that he's going to tackle a room, like, our bedroom (it's one of his favourites. Not sure why!) - so he goes well overboard and even though all it really needed was a bedmaking, a tidy and a hoover, he's emptying drawers, re-organizing clothing and pretty much re-organizing the entire room and all of its' contents. He puts everything from every surface onto the bed while he works away at obscure "cleaning" projects around the room - and then when he is about half way through he tuckers out, takes a break and never returns. So that night when we go to climb into bed, we have to clear off the mountain of crap first, which we typically dump onto the floor. The room now looks worse than it did before he started, but our clothes are very neatly organized and arranged. 

For a week.

And he gets distracted. Oh, how he gets distracted. Have you guys heard Michael McIntyre's bit about the Man Drawer? Well, DH has a Man Desk in the living room. Cleaning the living room to DH means "fart around with the stuff on your desk for an hour, re-categorize your millilons of burned cd's and dvd's, organize your comics and insist on keeping everything on, in or around the Man Desk. Then maybe fix the couch cushions. Maybe. If there's time.

But there probably won't be time. 

Bless him, he's gotten so much better since having the twins. If he could just clean like a normal person, we could get our whole house done in an hour flat!

TotZiens

Yes I say thank you but I am also not a maid son I don't clean. I keep the house clutter free and wipe dirty counters and stuff but the husband is in charge of mopping, bathrooms, vacuuming, etc. If he wants a maid he can hire one!

Brit's Luna154

When we first got married, I tried the "thank you" approach to try to encourage him to clean up more, but his perception of clean and my perception of clean are just not the same thing. That should have been no surprise to me, he is the guy who would not let me see the inside of his house for a few months when we started dating because he thought it was too dirty for my liking. 

After I came to terms with the fact that it made me upset to have to encourage him to clean I hired a cleaning lady. Best decision ever. (We have a daily cleaning dude here in India, but in Indiana it was a weekly cleaning lady - I will re-hire her when we go back.)

chelbel7

Tofu- I'm cracking up about the bedroom.  

 DH told me the other day that he had spent "the past hour cleaning".  What he meant was he took the garbage out, put away some of his laundry, took a box out to the garage, and put air in his bicycle tires.  The dust in here is probably thanking him for leaving it to hang out longer. 

Tofumonkey

chelbel7:

Tofu- I'm cracking up about the bedroom.  

 DH told me the other day that he had spent "the past hour cleaning".  What he meant was he took the garbage out, put away some of his laundry, took a box out to the garage, and put air in his bicycle tires.  The dust in here is probably thanking him for leaving it to hang out longer. 

Ha, and you've met my DH too - I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about! For what it's worth, I can totally see your DH wandering around the house filling bike tires and taking the garbage out as "cleaning". Ha ha ha ha ha!

Brit's Luna154

chelbel7:

Tofu- I'm cracking up about the bedroom.  

 DH told me the other day that he had spent "the past hour cleaning".  What he meant was he took the garbage out, put away some of his laundry, took a box out to the garage, and put air in his bicycle tires.  The dust in here is probably thanking him for leaving it to hang out longer. 

This made me LOL. If my H does clean, it is always something like:

 "I put my tools away in the garage" [Um, like you should have two weeks ago when you finished using them.]

"and I washed the driveway" [So you wasted gallons of water that we pay for to rinse a driveway that gets rained on regularly?]

Airing bicycle tires would totally be cleaning in H's book.

BlushingMama

Tofumonkey:

We both say Thank You whenever we notice the other person doing things, like the dishes, laundry, hoovering, mopping, etc. It's just nice to have your effort recognized, I think, and we both appreciate it.

As for your DH cleaning, oh man, I could go on for hours about my DH's cleaning. He drives me crazy! He does stuff all the time like the dishes, the floors, laundry, cooking, etc. but oh my freaking god, when it's crunch time, he just phones it in!

If we're having people over the first cleaning things that come to mind are the bathroom, hoovering the living room and hall and tidying up the house and kitchen a bit. Him? I ask him to help out before company comes over and he goes to clean our bedroom. Our BEDROOM! They're not sleeping over DH! We're not swingers! They aren't even going to SEE our bedroom!

Oh, and the "intensive DH clean". Grrrr.... he decides that he's going to tackle a room, like, our bedroom (it's one of his favourites. Not sure why!) - so he goes well overboard and even though all it really needed was a bedmaking, a tidy and a hoover, he's emptying drawers, re-organizing clothing and pretty much re-organizing the entire room and all of its' contents. He puts everything from every surface onto the bed while he works away at obscure "cleaning" projects around the room - and then when he is about half way through he tuckers out, takes a break and never returns. So that night when we go to climb into bed, we have to clear off the mountain of crap first, which we typically dump onto the floor. The room now looks worse than it did before he started, but our clothes are very neatly organized and arranged. 

This is us! I will tell DH that XYZ is coming over and he will help clean up by filing the bills that were paid 6 months ago and are agthering dust in a box, because you know the guests might go and scratch in the back of our wardrobe looking for bills to pay.

azure_azure

We both say thank you. I do the majority of the housework as I SAH, but H thanks me for everything. It's nice to hear it.

His jobs are the garbage/recycling and the toilet and bathroom. I thank him a lot for that, I hate doing those tasks.

I miss my housekeeper so much. We used to thank her too whenever we would see her.

Tofumonkey

I've even resorted to asking him what he thinks needs to be done:

Tofu: Your mother is coming for a week, we should get the house ready.

DH: It is ready.

Tofu: Erm, not quite. There's cat puke on the floor over there, a diaper on the windowsill and the spider army has officially laid claim to the bathroom.

DH: Well, it won't be like that when my mother comes.

Tofu: And why do you think that is?

DH: Fine, we'll do some cleaning today. What do you want me to do?

Tofu: What do YOU WANT to do?

DH: I dunno, what needs to be done?

Tofu: What do YOU think needs to be done?

DH: I should probably mow the lawn and rotate the car tires.

Tofu: Fail.

DH: Augh. I know you've already made a list. Just give me a list and let me get on with it. WHAT THE HELL?!  Why is my list longer than your list?!?

Tofu: Because I wrote the list. If you wanted a shorter list, YOU should have written the list.

Tofumonkey

BlushingMama:

Tofumonkey:

We both say Thank You whenever we notice the other person doing things, like the dishes, laundry, hoovering, mopping, etc. It's just nice to have your effort recognized, I think, and we both appreciate it.

As for your DH cleaning, oh man, I could go on for hours about my DH's cleaning. He drives me crazy! He does stuff all the time like the dishes, the floors, laundry, cooking, etc. but oh my freaking god, when it's crunch time, he just phones it in!

If we're having people over the first cleaning things that come to mind are the bathroom, hoovering the living room and hall and tidying up the house and kitchen a bit. Him? I ask him to help out before company comes over and he goes to clean our bedroom. Our BEDROOM! They're not sleeping over DH! We're not swingers! They aren't even going to SEE our bedroom!

Oh, and the "intensive DH clean". Grrrr.... he decides that he's going to tackle a room, like, our bedroom (it's one of his favourites. Not sure why!) - so he goes well overboard and even though all it really needed was a bedmaking, a tidy and a hoover, he's emptying drawers, re-organizing clothing and pretty much re-organizing the entire room and all of its' contents. He puts everything from every surface onto the bed while he works away at obscure "cleaning" projects around the room - and then when he is about half way through he tuckers out, takes a break and never returns. So that night when we go to climb into bed, we have to clear off the mountain of crap first, which we typically dump onto the floor. The room now looks worse than it did before he started, but our clothes are very neatly organized and arranged. 

This is us! I will tell DH that XYZ is coming over and he will help clean up by filing the bills that were paid 6 months ago and are agthering dust in a box, because you know the guests might go and scratch in the back of our wardrobe looking for bills to pay.

Ba ha ha ha ha ha!

Brit's Luna154

Tofumonkey:

I've even resorted to asking him what he thinks needs to be done:

Tofu: Your mother is coming for a week, we should get the house ready.

DH: It is ready.

Tofu: Erm, not quite. There's cat puke on the floor over there, a diaper on the windowsill and the spider army has officially laid claim to the bathroom.

DH: Well, it won't be like that when my mother comes.

Tofu: And why do you think that is?

DH: Fine, we'll do some cleaning today. What do you want me to do?

Tofu: What do YOU WANT to do?

DH: I dunno, what needs to be done?

Tofu: What do YOU think needs to be done?

DH: I should probably mow the lawn and rotate the car tires.

Tofu: Fail.

DH: Augh. I know you've already made a list. Just give me a list and let me get on with it. WHAT THE HELL?!  Why is my list longer than your list?!?

Tofu: Because I wrote the list. If you wanted a shorter list, YOU should have written the list.

Awesome.

FayeD

Yes, about half of the time. He does the same to me. The other half of the time is filled with the normal not noticing, nagging, or occasionally bickering about who should do what when. I would prefer if I said thank- you more often. It starts/continues a nice cycle between us of sharing the duties. I like when he thanks me for a yummy homemade dinner, he likes when I thank him for taking extra time with BabyD while I'm pregnant. Oddly, I think we do better thanking each other for things that are routine or part of our day-to-day lives more than the things that are situational, like prepping for visitors.

stever

Always. My step-mom never, ever says thanks to my dad and it always left me with the feeling that she was bossing him around.

bluegirl2006

You ladies crack me up!

snowyowl

Tofu, I showed DH your list conversation and he cracked up. 

DH and I are equally messy, so things can get out of control a little too quickly. So we have to be super organized about what gets cleaned when and who cleans what.

I definitely always thank DH, because I want to be thanked when I clean. We suck up to each other like crazy because neither one of us wants to do the cleaning :P 

ebartzen

Brit's Luna154:

"and I washed the driveway" [So you wasted gallons of water that we pay for to rinse a driveway that gets rained on regularly?]

 

Hahaha! They would think of something like washing the driveway. 

I'm the cleaner in the house, for sure. But now that I'm working AND going to school, I've really needed DH to help out more. 

It's been a battle.

I read once that no matter how crummy a job your H does, you should still praise him. Though this sounds kind of subservient, I realize that H will never think to wipe the oil splatters off the backsplash like I would prefer. So I take what I can get even though I literally have to bite my tongue when he gives that smug look of, "See, I'm a great husband". 

I have resorted to giving him duties he can't really do incorrectly, like hanging up the washing to dry or taking out the garbage. 

elisagoulart

This conversation is hilarious! We do thank each other for things done around the house, for example he thanked me for making dinner last night - and I think it's really nice to be appreciated. It definitely makes you want to do more for each other.

I used to get all crabby about cleaning, but then I realized that I like a clean house. When I no longer thought I was cleaning for him, or cleaning up after him, I felt much better about it. Probably every 2-3 weeks I do an apartment scrub down (and pretty much anytime DH is out of town on business - just something to do). DH sometimes helps with a few small tasks, like vacuuming or emptying the dishwasher.

If there is a special circumstance, like people coming over or family visiting, DH will definitely pitch in. Though he does need some direction or he would end up reorganizing DVD's or something unnecessary! haha

myblueangel19

I usually do thank him for pitching in because he is the one who does the Saturday morning cleaning every week while I do the grocery shopping. I get a little crabby because during the week I do laundry, shop, cook, and work but he does do the dishes after dinner. We are pretty evenly matched on the cleaning. I don't often get a thank you for what I do, but occasionally I get a thanks for the dinner. I think he thinks the laundry just does itself.

Tofumonkey

Ha! I just had the most enlightening conversation with DH. I asked him about the bedroom cleaning thing when company comes over. He said: "it's tactical". I'm like, "huh? What do you mean it's tactical?" To which he said: "so I can get the fuuck out of your way. You get all pissy if I don't clean at the speed that you do". Touch?, DH, touch