Ugh...I knew she was fishing

Shekels831

My stepmom has been asking a lot of questions about my birth plans lately.  She just asked if she can be in the room while I give birth. How do I tell her no without being a complete witch?  I just cannot handle her in the room, plus I want the first few hours after little man is here to be family bonding time with just DH.

 

MintChocoChip

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

traveling turtle

Ha ha ha mint. 

I'm so glad we had W over here, I didn't have to worry about anyone asking to be in the room.

Just tell her that you don't want anyone but x, x, and x there. I don't see why people can't understand why you wouldn't want it to be their entertainment for the night. 

MrsBini10

I think it's totally fine to say "I only want H there, I'm not comfortable having others in the room." But if you really think that'll cause lots of problems maybe you could get your doc to make a rule about it or something? Or say it's a hospital rule?

frlcb

So weird. I couldn't imagine asking if I could be in the room for someone else's delivery. I wanted my mom there but never, in a million years, would have let anyone else in (besides dh of course. and my doula). Just tell her you only want it to be you and your dh. Or I agree with pp, say it is a hospital rule to only have 1 person in the room!

Shekels831

MintChocoChip:

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

I said this quietly in my head as I delivered the nicer message aloud.

I told her I just want my mom and DH there while I'm in labor and she said "Well, if your mom isn't able to get there in time or if I make it to the hospital before her, can I?" Hellllllllll Nooooooooo!!

Now she just emailed me and said she just read online the bris isn't usually held at the hospital and she's just not comfortable with that if that is our plan. 

The crazy has begun. This is gonna put me in labor. 

VABeach08

OMG, she asked?!  That's so odd to me.

I guess maybe it's her way of being 'supportive', but to me it feels more like 'intrusive'.

That said, I'd thank her for her "support" and say that I/we "appreciate" her offer to be with us but we'd like to keep things as simple as possible during labor and delivery and therefore would rather see her after everyone's had a moment to catch their breath.

MintChocoChip

Shekels831:

MintChocoChip:

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

Now she just emailed me and said she just read online the bris isn't usually held at the hospital and she's just not comfortable with that if that is our plan. 

Well then, I guess it's good that it's not HER foreskin being removed, isn't it?!  WTF, seriously?!

Shekels831

MintChocoChip:

Shekels831:

MintChocoChip:

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

Now she just emailed me and said she just read online the bris isn't usually held at the hospital and she's just not comfortable with that if that is our plan. 

Well then, I guess it's good that it's not HER foreskin being removed, isn't it?!  WTF, seriously?!

DH just had a good laugh over this one. The BSC is actually quite entertaining if you don't let it get to you too much. 

ExpatFamily06

Just tell her no, plain and simple.  I don't get people wanting to be in the room to watch a delivery that's not their own.  

myblueangel19

Are you really close with your stepmom or does she not have any daughers (so she thinks of you as her own daughter)? I cannot imagine anyone asking to be in the delivery room, even if she were your own mother and not your stepmother. I understand if they are asked to come, but asking to join in seems very strange to me. Maybe she feels  really close to you? just weird.

Shekels831

myblueangel19:

Are you really close with your stepmom or does she not have any daughers (so she thinks of you as her own daughter)? I cannot imagine anyone asking to be in the delivery room, even if she were your own mother and not your stepmother. I understand if they are asked to come, but asking to join in seems very strange to me. Maybe she feels  really close to you? just weird.

No we aren't that close (maybe she thinks so) and she has a 21 year old daughter.  This is the first grandchild though. 

stever

I don't see why she'd be offended by you politely telling her "no." My mom, dad and best friend were there during the labor but only DH was there for the birth because, well, I didn't want anyone but DH and trained professionals staring at my junk when I gave birth.

Johlise

There is no way that anyone other than my hubby will be in the room or even know that we are in the hospital having the baby.

AmericanInOz

I just find that SO bizarre - I didn't want anyone in there but dh - ditto pps - I just don't get why people want to come and be a spectator - weird!

anyhow - I'd go with what a pp said - tell her it's a hospital rule

and better yet - don't call and tell her about the baby til after it arrives - then you don't even have to stress about it!!!

EnidFalcor

I am VERY close with my own mother, but DH wasn't comfortable with her in the room. All I said was 'during the actual pushing part and for the birth, it's just going to be H and I.' It wouldnt' surprise me if secretly she was sad about it, but it's not something I let myself really worry about it. Like pps said, it's your experience, you get the say. Explaining should't be complicated, don't bother lying about hospital policy, just say the truth. If she freaks out, ignore it or just enjoy it as entermainment like you said, bsc can be funny.

 And fwiw, my mom was around during my entire labor, left when I started pushing (with her ear against the door I'm sure) and after V was born, we got to hold her, have our moment, I calledh er in. Maybe 5 minutes after she was born. My mom was thrilled with that, and DH was too. Everyone wins.

Publius

Shekels831:

MintChocoChip:

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

Now she just emailed me and said she just read online the bris isn't usually held at the hospital and she's just not comfortable with that if that is our plan. 

Wait, so she wants you to have it done in the hospital in lieu of the religious ceremony?  Umm, OK.  You should tell her that mohels have been performing circumcisions for millennia longer than hospitals have. 

MrsBini10

Publius:

Shekels831:

MintChocoChip:

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

Now she just emailed me and said she just read online the bris isn't usually held at the hospital and she's just not comfortable with that if that is our plan. 

Wait, so she wants you to have it done in the hospital in lieu of the religious ceremony?  Umm, OK.  You should tell her that mohels have been performing circumcisions for millennia longer than hospitals have. 

I'm confused...I thought she was saying she didn't want the bris done in a hospital. Which would make sense if she's more traditional/religious.

Publius

MrsBini10:

Publius:

Shekels831:

MintChocoChip:

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

Now she just emailed me and said she just read online the bris isn't usually held at the hospital and she's just not comfortable with that if that is our plan. 

Wait, so she wants you to have it done in the hospital in lieu of the religious ceremony?  Umm, OK.  You should tell her that mohels have been performing circumcisions for millennia longer than hospitals have. 

I'm confused...I thought she was saying she didn't want the bris done in a hospital. Which would make sense if she's more traditional/religious.

Sheks' family isn't Jewish.  

bail229

I don't want anyone but DH with me at the birth. 

I would just be honest with her. If she is not going to listen I would just call them after the baby is born.  

Bananas0827

My MIL didn't even ask to be in the room - she demanded to be in the room. I very firmly told her no one but DH was going to be in the room with me. DH called them the day after D was born and a whole troupe of people showed up.

Just be honest with her. If she freaks out then it's her own problem.

Shekels831

Publius:

MrsBini10:

Publius:

Shekels831:

MintChocoChip:

How about, "The only people who will be watching life being delivered out of the depths of my vagina are the person who put him there and the person who delivered me out of hers"  Too harsh?

Now she just emailed me and said she just read online the bris isn't usually held at the hospital and she's just not comfortable with that if that is our plan. 

Wait, so she wants you to have it done in the hospital in lieu of the religious ceremony?  Umm, OK.  You should tell her that mohels have been performing circumcisions for millennia longer than hospitals have. 

I'm confused...I thought she was saying she didn't want the bris done in a hospital. Which would make sense if she's more traditional/religious.

Sheks' family isn't Jewish.  

Yeah-she's uncomfortable with the fact it ISN'T being held at the hospital.  Sorry Charlie, she's gonna have to get the f over all this mess.  Wacko.