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Do you get a gift?

Do you get a gift when you don't go to a party?  Like if you don't go to a shower, do you still send a gift?  I do if I'm close to that person and I can't go to the party.  But what if you've never even met her?  I'm not going to a bridal shower for a girl my cousin is marrying.  I've never even met her before.  None of my immediate family is going but my mom feels we should still get her a gift.  I'm going to the wedding so I just planned on giving something there (maybe a little extra than I normally would). 

I know I shouldn't judge but my cousin has been engaged 3 times and has broken off 2 of them obviously.  I feel that he just wants to get married and have kids and doesn't really care who it's with.  He was engaged to a different girl this time last year so I think this is part of my skepticism.

Re: Do you get a gift?

  • Personally, I might get a "family" gift...i.e, have everyone go in together on something but have it be less than normal for the circumstance, perhaps.  That's what we normally do (Jeff's sisters and I) for something similar we were involved with.

     

  • I generally get something for someone whether or not they have a party.  Like for instance I've never really had birthday parties for myself or DH.. but people give us gifts.  Or like we had a destination wedding - no reception - but we still got wedding gifts.  But there are a group of people I get a gift whether or not there's a party.

    I think I would tr to do a group gift, like pp suggested.  Did they come to yours?  It seems like it is more of a gift for them.. I assume it would be off a registry?  I'd just get a household item or something, doesn't have to be big, maybe go in on it with your family (as opposed to something just for her).

  • imageArcticFox:

    I generally get something for someone whether or not they have a party.  Like for instance I've never really had birthday parties for myself or DH.. but people give us gifts.  Or like we had a destination wedding - no reception - but we still got wedding gifts.  But there are a group of people I get a gift whether or not there's a party.

    I think I would tr to do a group gift, like pp suggested.  Did they come to yours?  It seems like it is more of a gift for them.. I assume it would be off a registry?  I'd just get a household item or something, doesn't have to be big, maybe go in on it with your family (as opposed to something just for her).

    My mom wanted to go in on a gift together but we have no way of getting it to her since none of my immediate family are going.  They do have a registry and my cousin (male) did come to my wedding but I've never even met his fiance.  I didn't really think I'd be invited to the shower since I don't know the girl.

  • Ship it from the registry?
  • If you buy from the registry the company will ship it.  I think this is one of those cases that you could get away with not doing a gift.  I would probably send a card and state that you're sorry you couldn't make the shower but that you are looking forward to meeting her at the wedding. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
  • I just looked back at my wedding list (the one I looked at to write thank you's) and this cousin brought a date and gave us $50.  I'm going to his wedding with my sister, both of us solo.  We'll probably give at least $50 each. 
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