Minneapolis/St. Paul Nesties
kcharris21
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Are we the only ones....?
So this is my first post and I'm excited to see the response! So my question is... My husband and I have been married for a little over a year, we don't have any kids, we feel like we are outgoing and are up for doing anything. But as soon as we got married our friends stopped calling us to do things, whether it's supper or night at the bar or day on the bike, etc. The phone stopped ringing, both guy and girl friends. 
Is this a normal thing for other couples? Is it because we are the "odd" ones that don't have kids? We both love kids and are not opposed to hanging out with our friends that have them, we do kid friendly things. We just feel like we have a disease or something!! We miss friend time.
Any thoughts?
Re: Are we the only ones....?
Welcome!
We didn't notice this so much when we got married (3.5 years ago), we noticed it as more of our friends started to have kids or their kids grew older and became involved in more activities. I don't think it's that our friends assume we don't want to be around their kids, it's that they're so busy with their kids they just don't have as much time to spend with us. Especially as the kids get older and get involved in more activities. We're almost 35, so many of our friends have school-age kids who are doing all kinds of activities (sports, music lessons, dance, girl scouts, etc.) that the parents are just so busy running their kids around everywhere.
You don't have a disease, it's just that friendships evolve as you go through the stages of life. If you're not at the same stage as many of your friends (like, they all have kids but you don't), it can be a rough time for the friendship as you get used to the differences in your lives. Hang in there. Good friends are worth it. :-)
Mr. Sammy Dog
We definitely have run into this, but I'm not sure it's just the wedding in our case. We got married fairly young (24). In the past few years our friends have all left for grad school or started 'real' jobs all over the state and country. H and I also bought a house this spring, which put us out in the NW 'burbs instead of right in the city where some of our friends are. We're only 20 minutes away, but it's enough I guess.
It's hard to make new friends though when you don't have dorms and classes to use! We also both work in offices where our coworkers are all much older than us (40-50s), so that doesn't help.
BUT I have poked around MeetUp a little based on a thread on here (? or TK?) So hopefully we can meet some friends that way too.
I feel so lame going "I have no friends!" haha But we do have a few close friends that are still around! Just not the big group we always got used to hanging out with every weekend.
Eat.Drink.BeMarried. Blog.
This is a great way of looking at it. We were the first of our friends to get married (almost 3 years ago) and our friends that are married now have only been for about a year. We are now also the first of our friends to have a baby, and the rest are nowhere near having kids soon. We definitely noticed a decrease in "friend time" after the wedding, but I think it was due to everyone being at different stages. We were wanting to settle down a bit more while our friends were still going out all weekend (sometimes weekdays), so our lifestyles were just changing.
I learned that now that people are doing different things, friendships take a lot more work and my true friendships have lasted through all these transitions. I have also rekindled/made new friendships with people who are in the same stage as I am.
It's tough, but like pp said, good friends are worth the extra effort it may take to keep in touch. Maybe go out of your way to make plans if you feel your friends are moving on without you, I know that worked for me!
I know what you mean. Several of my and H's friends are still single or not married and we've been married for over 2 years now. I did notice a drop off in calls after H and I bought our house because we moved farther away from some of my friends. It seems like H's friends don't care as much if we hang out with them, but I did notice that my single friends kind of dropped off.
I do agree with pp that said you are in different stages of life. I find that I have a lot more in common with my friends that are married/in serious relationships than my friends that are still single.
Do you have other friends that are married that you could plan a couple's night or game night? Or even call some of your single girlfriends and do a spa day or something fun? Sometimes it's just a matter of reaching out and making some extra effort to reconnect.