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Sadness turns into anger?
Up until Saturday, things have been going really well. I'm feeling good, ran my first 5K and was excited to get the divorce behind me (court is 11/4). Then out of nowhere it hit me that I'm getting a divorce. I have no interest in my X but I just lost it and started crying because of the lost of my friend (or who I thought was my friend). I ended up calling him and he told me the OW moved out of her boyfriend's house a few months ago and they are dating exclusively (he was "seeing" her during our entire, albeit short, marriage). I knew they were still together so that wasn't terribly shocking. (I should add, I'm wife #2 and he cheated on wife #1 with multiple people during their marriage.)
So I cried, on and off, from Saturday until yesterday and then today the anger hit. I'm pissed as hell that sometime, in the near future, my son will be exposed to the OW. I'm mad that these two people with such skewed moral compasses will have interaction with my kid and I have no control over that. I want so badly to protect him from it, but I know I can't. And let's be honest, a relationship that was built on lies and secrecy doesn't really stand a chance and my kid will be in the middle of all of that.
So I emailed him today to tell him that I plan to speak to my son's counselor about how to prepare him for the introduction. He got all pissy about this and said (Freudian slip much?) "We aren't the monsters we think we are", referring to him and the OW. He also told me that I cannot tell him who he can spend the holidays with (because I told him I'm not comfortable with her there this first year). He assured me he's a good person (okay?) and that he prays for me.
Ugh...I know these feelings and emotions are just part of the journey but sometimes I just want to fast forward to the good stuff again.
Anyone have any suggestions for how to deal with this stuff?
Re: Sadness turns into anger?
So funny how someone who took a vow in front of God to remain faithful to his wife can screw around on her then tell her that he's praying for her. A good throat punch should be delivered.
Mwahaha....I actually told him, via email, that sometimes I wish karma would come back on him and he could feel even one tenth of the pain I've felt but then I realize I'd hate for anyone to have to feel like this. His response "I would never wish pain on anyone else". Yup, you're obviously a much bigger person than I am!
Wow. What a pompous ass
Start with a throat punch and then go for the crotch.... ick, what a turd of a human. How old is your son and how long has he been seeing this OW? I would definitely want him to wait a long time before introducing him to her... not just because she's a fellow turd, but it's just not appropriate to do it quickly.
My son is 7, and the X adopted him last July. From what I can tell, and from what he'll admit, they have been "dating" (seems like the wrong term for it) since October 2009....3 months before we got married. He claims it was never physical but they fell in love and they were "together" the entire time we were married. I've asked that he not introduce her until they're serious, but hell, they've been together 2 years now, guess it's serious?!? I worry about all of the kids in the mix, but I'm a jerk for bringing it up (He has 2 kids from his first marriage and OW has a few kids also).
If it's been two years, then I'd be surprised if he hasn't met her already... and yes, after two years I would consider that serious.... I would try to cut your contact with him to the bare minimum that deals with your son. Less drama, more peace for you.
Actually, I have often heard that depression manifests itself in anger, so it's not surprising that you feel this way.
Sorry - your situation sux.
Counseling and lawyer. I would limit contact with him. He is your X--why are you calling him because you miss him? He chose the OW over you a long time ago. Calling him isn't going to make you feel better. Counseling for your emotions, lawyer for custody issues.
I saw my counselor this week and did discuss my concerns (fears/frustrations/etc). We already worked out custody and visitation. I guess I was trying to get him to avoid introductions for awhile since my son is struggling with the divorce still.
I also know that it was a bad idea to call him. Nothing good or productive came out of that.
1. If he was biologically his, he wouldn't have had to adopt him, but I digress
2. I wasn't really aware that my marriage would end so shortly. We were solid, well I thought we were solid...but how exactly was I to know that he was seeing someone else? He is a pro at living a double life, just ask his first wife.