Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Miss him
So I moved in with BF and I'm very much in love with him, and vice versa. Our relationship is great but here's the thing.
BF doesn't work, he collects SSD, so when I get up for work, he normally stays in bed for an hour or so after I leave, so I kiss him goodbye, say I love you, etc.
But every morning when I kiss him goodbye, I have this overwhelming urge to climb back into bed with him and stay all day. I miss him the minute I leave and I miss him all day long, especially on my double shift long days. We text each other most of the day on and off, and he tells me he misses me, but I miss him to the point of I want to jump out of my skin to go home. I know that's not healthy.
What is wrong with me?
Aye karramba.
Re: Miss him
Wait a minute. What's wrong with him that he has to collect SSD at such a young age. I understand an injury or something, but can't he have a desk job? Backstory please on why you're dating someone who, from what you just posted, sounds like a deadbeat.
What does this man do during the day? You're working two jobs and he's living with you (presumably rent free)? Red Flag!!!
I know you're busy but do you have a life outside of this man? Maybe you're missing him so much because you're dependent on him emotionally somehow.
This. I was once co-dependent and it stemmed from insecurity. I was not confident and did not truly trust my man... I think you need to self reflect on what is causing these feelings.
And as for SSD I would need more info too.
A. He broke his spine in two places and his leg in three with shattered bone fragments still in his body and is in constant pain. He cannot sit for long periods, nor can he stand or walk for long periods. He's not on any pain meds because he won't take them, and he does tattoo work on the side when he has clients, because that's what he used to do for a living but sitting in the position of tattooing really messes his back up.
B. He sure as hell pays rent. I am not covering his ass on money what so ever. I work two jobs to pay for my debt from my marriage. I would never ask BF to pay for something that happened way before I started dating him, and because I don't make much money at either job, I am stuck at both jobs indefinitely.
C. All day long, he is a house husband. He cleans the apartment, runs errands for me because I can't because of work, cooks me dinner when I get home. He redeems the fact that he cannot work.
D. I don't have much of a life besides work. I haven't for a very long time. I also haven't had many friends my entire life. I see my girlfriends once or twice a week, and lately BF has been coming with me to hang with them because he gets along with their brother who has been hanging out with us. So yeah maybe I am emotionally stuck to him. Probably because this is the first good relationship I've ever had, with someone who actually is interested in what I have to say, in meeting my family and friends, and wants to make sure that I am happy.
I see my therapist regularly and we have decided that I am codependant and it's really hard to break away from that.
Thank you for clarifying. I would continue to work with your therapist. It really helped me with my co-dependent tendencies. GL!
Glad to hear he's not sitting around playing video games all day
I'm glad he is helping out around the house and paying rent. It's also good that you're in therapy to deal with co-dependency issues.
Dealing with someone with such physical issues is difficult and quite a lot to take on. Are you a "fixer"? Personally, I have a history of trying to fix broken men (dress them better, fight depression, heal emotional wounds, etc) and it just ends up with me being miserable and disappointed. Since he's so disabled, are you running home to help him or to try to make his life easier? You've articulated that he does things around the house so he's not helpless, but I know that as a "fixer" I would want to spend as much time with him to lessen his daily burden. Just a thought...
For as much as he is disabled, he is pretty self sufficient. The only thing I do for him physically, is rub his back before we fall asleep. He's been dealing with this for a few years now and I think he knows how much to do and when to take a break. I am a fixer for the most part, but with D, there's not much to fix. He's outstanding to me and I really am thankful for him.