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Lameness (VENT)
So the XH has been calling me every day for the past week and a half. He called last week to talk about his brother passing away because it was his brother's birthday and I get that. So I let that one go without questioning it. But now it's getting weird.
Well, maybe XH calling and us being normal with each other on the phone gave him the idea of a green light that we're totally friends now? Every single day he calls and I don't always answer. But then when I do, it's like "Hey, how's it going?" and it's this long conversation about our lives and what's new with you, and he wants to chat. It's bizarre. He's been asking about BF, which I don't give him much information. They have met because XH helped BF and I move into our apartment and they were civil. I don't know where I'm going with this.
It's just really blowing my mind, because I'm not ready to be friends with him like that. I can't offer him emotional support as a friend, especially when in our marriage he ignored me and told me I was being dramatic every time I needed emotional support. Where was he for four years? I'm actually angry. It's like too little, too late. And I ended up telling him yesterday when he called for the second time that day that really, I don't want to be rude but I don't want to know every detail of his life. I'm glad he's dating and seems happy, but it's too much for me to handle right now. He seemed to understand but then diverged and continued to linger and talk.
Ugh I don't know but it's really bothering me. Every time he calls, even if I don't answer, I have the feeling of someone sticking a sharp knife in my ribcage. Like the dread of dread. It still hurts, I guess.
Thanks for letting me vent. I don't know how to say what I want to say.
Re: Lameness (VENT)
Well the only problem is that he has both of my dogs. Those dogs were my children and I can't have them where I moved to and we made an agreement that if either dog is sick, I have to know and I can visit them when I want to. So when he calls normally, I think it's because one of the pugs is sick or there's something going on with them, which one phone call was legit about the dogs. But lately I know it's not that. I usually do the "uh huh, yep, yeah, uh huh" on the phone with him when I do talk to him.
He's not a bad guy. I don't hate him. I left because we didn't work and I wasn't happy, and we still have quite a few mutual friends so I know we will run into each other on occasion... but I'm just not willing to be his BFF all of a sudden. He didn't call me this much when we were married.
Most cell phones have an option to send a specific number directly to voicemail. Can you do this for him? That way you're not blocking his number and if something is wrong with your dogs, he can leave you a message.
Tell him you're not ready to be 'friends' with him and would appreciate if he stopped calling unless it's an EMERGENCY with the dogs.
FWIW, he really shouldn't be dating if he still feels the need to be calling his XW at least once a day for no particular reason.
Do you think his sudden desire to be all buddy-buddy has anything to do with you getting into a relationship and moving in with another guy?
Since you don't have kids together, there's really no reason the two of you need to have any contact with each other at all (aside from issues with the dogs). You broke up- it's not your responsibility to be his buddy or, as cold as this might sound, his shoulder to cry on over his brother. If that's what he needs, he needs to turn to another family member, a friend, or a therapist.