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How long can you "date"
How long can you "casually" date someone before it gets weird, or somebody gives up? Ha.
So The Artist and I.. it's been two months. We still introduce each other as "my friend," we have not had the exclusivity talk, certainly don't call each other BF/GF, and have not said "I love you" (of course).
But we talk at least once every day (even if it's just emailing a link we think the other might enjoy), we see each other usually twice during the week, and we have assumed plans at least one day of the weekend. To my knowledge, neither of us are sleeping with anyone else.
Am I over-thinking this? Do people go on like this for months and months
with no problem? My history is "rush to the next step," so perhaps it
just feels unnatural for me to take it slow and not worry about labels and steps and things.
Also, I get panicky when I think about being "tied down" to him. Even though I like him a lot and always enjoy the time we spend together, I freak out a bit when I think about no longer having the option of considering other guys. So obviously I need to continue (at least trying) keeping it casual for now.
Last thing: He seems completely nonplussed by the whole thing and has never brought it up. He's content. So I'm likely creating a situation out of something that is not, in fact, a situation.
So I need to just chill and enjoy? Yes? Dating is fun? ::wrings hands::
Re: How long can you "date"
I did it for about a year and half...
I don't recommend it.
I'd say 2 months isn't that long...but I'd say it would be time to have the DTR talk sooner rather than later. I'd want to know if they are seeing other people or if we're on the same page. I wouldnt' want to waste my time with someone who wasn't on the same page as me.
Do what you "feel". From what it sounds like, you are over-analyzing this.
If you want to have the talk with him, even just to find out if you are on the same page, then do it. It will give you piece of mind.
GL!
LOL!! Although I haven't had the luxury of a relationship taking off slow yet, this completely sounds like me! Especially the whole panicky feeling about being tied down.
I'm curious what other people have to say on this...
I'd say if he's not worried about it, don't worry about it, especially if you guys are happy with how you are. there are no "rules" just go with it. I would say if you get to the point where you want to have the talk, then do it, two months really isn't too soon.
Side note: If I had been hanging out with someone for two months, and I still didn't want things to move ahead or get exclusive, I would think I just "wasn't that into him". But that's just me.
I know exactly how you feel!!
I've been seeing M for 8 months now, we have never had any "talk" about our relationship status. It went on just like what you described for like 5 months, then one day he told me he was falling in love with me, it freaked me out for a while. It took me at least a month-month and a half until I would say it back. Now we tell each other I love you like 8 times a day haha and we spend anywhere from 3 -5 days a week together. Still haven't had "THE TALK". I'm fine with it
I used to overthink it and feel weird about it, but I dunno I'm used to it now I guess. For a long time I'd get kind of freaked out thinking about being too serious so I think this kind of works out well for me.
Didn't you guys just plan a vacay together to Boston? To me that's kind of a bf/gf thing to do, you know? I don't remember how far in advance the trip is, but planning a trip even a month ahead of time when you've only been dating for 2 months seems like you're exclusive.
Yeah. I am definitely into him. I have thought about an extended future. But I just don't feel ready to commit to that now. It's like I have an obsession with keeping my options open (a topic for therapy, I realize).
I also feel like I "locked in" on my XH without really giving myself a chance to figure out if I liked him as much as the "honeymoon phase" made me feel like I did. Or as much as HE liked ME.
I guess I just feel like I need to give myself some time to get used to the idea of having The Artist around in a more permanent way, and I don't want to go in too deep at first, then have to back out later. I want to go in much more slowly in the first place.
eesh, it makes sense in my head.
We did! But he travels a lot and doesn't see a simple trip like that as a big deal. I don't either.
It may seem GF/BF-ish (I don't disagree), but I'm not allowing a choice as to how we spend our time dictate the terms of our relationship.
oh god, maybe I'm a commitment-phobe.
perhaps realizing how un-ready I was to commit myself to my XH spun me too far in the other direction.
I don't think there is a set time.
If you are starting to feel like you need to have a talk then have a talk. Even if it is just to clarify that you are not changin or "labling" anything. It is always good to know where you stand and make sure he knows where you stand.
I feel that after a few months not having any kind of talk about where you both stand could spell disaster. Someone may get attached when the other isn't ready.
Right. We have had a few talks.
We had one talk about taking down our online dating profiles. We each said we weren't interesting in actively meeting anyone else new at that point. (That was after about 2-3 weeks of dating.)
We have had a couple of other smaller talks since then about "what to call each other" (still using "friend"), and not putting anything on Facebook, and "do we need to label this."
We always seem to be on the same page when we have these discussions. We are very open with how we feel about each other.
I think I'm making a mountain out a molehill.
I think if he ever feels like he wants more (or more definition), he will tell me. I feel really comfortable with his communication.
Sounds like all ducks are in a row! Just relax and enjoy
I have been seeing my guy for the same amount of time as you and I feel like I know exactly where you are coming from.
We had a talk that we are not seeing anyone else (so we are exclusive) but he still uses the terms dating/seeing each other instead of bf/gf. I refer to him as my bf when I talk about him to my co-worker and these boards, as it is just an easy abbreviation.
Also, I am bad (at times) of making mountains out of molehills. I usually try to reign in my inner crazy/over analyzation, but it sneaks out every once in a while. (We just had this talk last night, and I told him he is free to call me out when I do this, bc sometimes I dont realize it until later.....but that is a whole different topic that I am going to go to therapy for....just made my first appt for next week).
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.