Starting Over
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Dealbreakers
How do you go about having this conversation? Things with A are going wonderful and I can see a long future with him. The only thing is children-as in I'm 99% sure I don't want anymore. I don't want to bring this up too soon but I also don't want to leave it too long and have it be an issue down the road.
How soon do you have this kind of conversation? How do/have you approach(ed) it?
Re: Dealbreakers
I like to have the conversation around date 3 since by then you kind of have an idea on whether you want to continue pursuing the relationship or not. I know that I definitely want children and I wouldn't be willing to "waste time" with someone who wasn't.
Obviously, if we're just dating casually and neither of us are interested in pursuing a relationship then I don't have those types of conversations.
If you're that set against having more children, I would probably bring it up sooner rather than later. You may find he's on the same page, but if he's adament about having children of his own, you want to know that too.
I hear that. I don't want to take any more of his time if that's the case. I suppose we'll have that conversation in two weeks when I see him again.
Yah, ITA because, at least for me, if a guy didn't want to have children it would be a dealbreaker.
Have you looked into the "why" regarding this any more? Not trying to dig or persuade you one way or the other, but I remember you posting about this awhile ago and it seemed like you were having mixed feelings about having more children.
Also agree. Have you spoken to a therapist about it?
Drugs are another dealbreaker obviously and I'm 110% that A is not on them, we've talked about that and since knowing him for a few years, I have no reason to believe otherwise.
As far as the why of not wanting children, I haven't got to that with my counselor yet, that will be for my next session (next week). If I had to give a few reasons of my own I would say it is partly to do with actually giving birth/recovery, partly fear of raising another child on my own, partly because I'm selfish. Don't get me wrong, I give DS EVERYTHING I have every single day. I suppose that, even though it's been almost a year since having DS, I'm still adjusting to life with a child.
There are a lot of factor that play in to it and I suppose maybe I have abandonment issues or something. I know that not every man is the same and that A is nothing like ex. I know he would take care of me and any potential children.
I'm just not sure.
I'm sorry for rambling on about this. I just want to figure it out and don't want to hurt A.
I had the convo early, plus I met my BF on Match so a lot of stuff was already out there. I think it was date 3 or 4 when I discussed children and my expectations for a long term relationship.
As far as how I brought it up... I do not remember exactly. I think I asked him about how he felt about children, since I have one and if he wanted kids of his own in the future. I do not think this is a taboo question from a single dating mother. Then I said how I felt.