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crazy dilemma
Hi everyone. I was posting several months ago about my husband having one foot out the door and writing really flirtatious emails to another girl. Long story short, we're separated and he's with her now. Divorce proceedings start Thursday.
I started dating someone 6 weeks ago and we've been having crazy fun together. It's been totally amazing and has reminded me that I am worth so much more than I was getting from MH. We probably jumped into things a little quickly, and yes, I was clearly on the rebound. If things were able to continue as they are (too soon to tell right now, obviously), I think we could be really happy together. We both want a lot of the same things out of life and he is different from MH in all the right ways.
The dilemma... BF has a son (16 months old) who lives across the country. His ex-GF is literally crazy... has done some seriously effed up things. She has Histrionic Personality Disorder, so she lives off of making things up and getting people to buy into it. Oh yeah, and her father is famous, so she has a sizeable trust fund. BF has been fighting hard for custody, spending money he doesn't have to have lawyers who can compare to hers. So far, the court has basically ruled that because his son hasn't been around him enough, he should stay with the crazy mom (and yes, the court got that she was crazy because there were hundreds of pages of documents supporting it).
On Friday, she told BF that she's moving back here Thursday with their son and another of her children (she has 4-- one over 18, the other lives with his dad). BF was thrilled because he feels it's the only way he can build a bond with his son and possibly gain custody. If he can get her to stay in this state for 6 months, jurisdiction moves here and it will be easier to fight, and a lot easier to keep her here in the future.
The stipulation she made was that he break up with me. And sleep with her. She wants to get pregnant again (BF says he will make absolutely certain that doesn't happen). BF is heartbroken... feels he has to do it because it's his only chance to get his son, but he hates his exGF and doesn't want to be around her. He feels it won't be good for his son to be around them together because they always fight... Anyway, he's doing it. He says he will not ask me to wait, but he would be happy if I were still/again single when it's all over with exGF.
WTF?!? After being separated, part of me wants to say I need to be the one you put first! But obviously, he has known me for 6 weeks, and the other person involved is his child.... I would totally judge a man for putting a new GF over their child. A break from dating might really do me good, since I should have done that before, but met him and thought he was too good to pass up. I don't know, sorry I rambled so long. Any brilliant ideas??
Re: crazy dilemma
I think this is too much drama for you to get yourself into IMO. There are men out there that are respectful and you can have a great time with without so much drama. I'd leave this relationship as "having a fun fling" to move on from your ex and a step in a better direction.
Seriously - there will be more men when you are ready for them and I suspect that you are not ready for them right now. Spend some time working on yourself. A decent man will soon follow once you've got yourself together.
Sounds like this relationship has run it's course.
IMO, he sounds just as crazy as she does if he's willing to play along with this. What a load of crap.
eta: Please have more respect for yourself than this. Please.
Holy crap, the things I miss when I stop reading at "crazy ex"!
I can't believe we actually have to tell her this. I mean, I would have laughed in his face and promptly lost his number.
Click me, click me!
You should let him go. You're too fresh out of your relationship with exH. And being 6 weeks into the relationship, everything is going to be exciting. I absolutely understand wanting to do everything possible to gain custody of his child but, he's an idiot for sleeping with her. She's manipluating him and it's just going to give her more control over.
Table BF for right now. If he's really meant to be in your life, he'll be there sans drama. Otherwise, concentrate on your divorce and being an individual again.
I'm literally speechless right now. you know the answer. Let him go, be single for AWHILE. Like - a minimum of 6 months if not a year. And do it to rediscover yourself - not waiting on him.
I mean... where does he see this going. she wants to get PG, he's going to sleep w/ her, but he's going to "make sure" she doesn't get PG? How, exactly, is he going to do that?
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think you need to be single for a long while. Your picker is not close to fully functional.
Who's the famous father?
I'm not buying the whole crazy ex-gf either. Sounds like he just wants to keep you on the side.
Let him go, be single, have fun and find a man with character,
She lived here until she was 9 months pregnant, then moved. Then he tried to move to where she is, and she moved again... she's crazy. She wants the control over him.
Well, she has it. Run away. Far far away.
Oh I get it... I'm not sure how I'd respond to this if I weren't in the thick of it, but probably much like all of you. I know the first 6 weeks are always intensely exciting, so it's hard to judge how it will end up. This just feels so different from other relationships I've had.
I know I need to spend some time alone, rediscovering myself, etc. I should have done that the first time around, but we met through a friend and really hit it off. It feels too good to be over already.
Thanks for the wake-up call, but it's all easier said than done! We'll see.
Remember, like attracts like, so I'm gonna make an educated guess and say this guy is BSC too. His actions aren't exactly disproving this theory.
OP, what's the story with your foster child? Who is he living with? If he's still in your care, he needs some stability here.
And who are you hearing she's crazy from? Him? Anyone else? Anything else to go by, or are you just taking him at his word? "I have this CRAZY!!!!!!!! ex who I HAVE to sleep with if I ever want to see my son!!!!! I really hope you'll stick around and wait for me...." while he gives you puppy dog eyes.....
Sorry, kind of sounds like a guy who might like to have his cake and eat it to.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
If he were for real he would not agree to fvck her to see the kid. He would take more legal action. Even if he were in a different state, if he made the effort (even if it were diffucult) to see the child (and if she said no/didnt follow the court order) and he documented and went to the court each time, eventually the court will do something and it lays a nice foundation if a new court takes jurisdiction.
The fact that you arent outraged that he was like 'let me go boink my ex' makes me uncomfortable.
Ok - this is not a time for "easier said than done," and "we'll see." For real, if you want a drama free life, with a man who doesn't have one foot out the door as he walks towards another woman, don't date a man with one foot out the door, walking towards another woman. This is not that hard.
I've read the court documents for the custody case. There was a LOT of evidence, from a LOT of sources. Including many of her very own family members.
Sorry but my BS meter keeps going off here
1. crazy ex gf- right because they are always crazy
2. famous relative- who can apparently make the courts ignore the bad mother / crazy behavior- sure
3. he just has to be with her now if he wants to see his child
A lot of stuff just isn't adding up here. HAs he ever asked you for money ?
My Blog
O.k.- seriously, kmount. Get your head out of the sand. You've been w/ this guy all of 6 weeks. Bad mouthing his ex (who at some point was desirable enough to sleep with and oh, get PG!!!), make her out to be the bad guy, and then giving you this "woe is me, she says I have to sleep with her" story w/ a "gosh, shucks, guess I have to do it" answer.
And you're claiming that leaving him is easier said than done?
Good luck to you, then. You're going to need it. This relationship will only lead to lots more drama. And I dont know how much of it will be on the ex's part.....
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Foster child is with MH until Nov 1, when I will regain my home and him. I see him 3-4 times a week.
Absolutely not. He makes great money, I make crap. I don't know if you're really questioning the famous dad thing, but I've seen pictures of them together, and BF has signed objects of the dad's.
Oh, it makes me absolutely SICK to think about!! This is the part I have the hardest time with-- breaking up with me because she's crazy, fine, we can work it out in a month when she changes her mind and leaves. But sleeping with her makes me feel ill. It seems to make him feel ill, too. I am a psychologist and feel like I have a pretty good BS-meter myself-- this guy is just not a BSer.
Duuuude.
You shouldn't even be dating AT ALL yet, let alone someone with this kind of utterly batshiit insane drama. Run far away. Get counseling. You need self-respect and the fact that you're participating in this clusterfvck tells me you don't have very much of it.
This please. Wasn't Charlie Sheen's daughter knocked up recently?
OP, you know the answer here. This doesn't make a bit of sense and this is not what you want in your life.
Take some time for you and figure out what you want and deserve in life. Your ex wasn't it and this surely isn't either.
BFP #4 It's a BOY!
CP: July 2011
BFP #3: 11/3/2011 M/C 12/12/11
We miss you and love you always, little firecrackers!