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Parents meeting the parents...
Hello nesties!
This is my first time posting; I've been a lurker for about a month now. 
My BF and I are on going on 3 years of dating in November. There has been some heavy talk of marriage and we actually just went ring looking this past weekend. I don't know any details about when the big moment is going to happen; but should our parents meet before then? My father lived out in Cali and is actually moving to Jacksonville this week after retiring from the Navy. Yay! He had been out here a couple times the past three years and getting both sets of parents together felt kind of weird to me as I didn't know then where our relationship was going.
Well, now that we're quite serious do you think it's okay for the parents to meet before we're actually engaged? I don't know why I have this hang up. Wanted to see what you other nesties thought about this. Now that my father and mother are in the same city for good and we're moving along in our relationship, I feel better about the parents meeting before we're "official". Is that weird/is there protocol regarding this? Do you think there is anything wrong with waiting until we're engaged? MY BF knows how I feel about this and I don't want to rush him into proposing just so the parents can meet officially.
Thanks!!
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Re: Parents meeting the parents...
My parents didn't meet X-MIL until after we'd been engaged and wedding planning had started. They only met once during the engagement process, and we'd been together for four years at that point.
Since then, the only times that my parents have interacted with her are at my children's birthday parties.
I think they should meet anytime you want them to meet. My parents and my H's parents have known of each other for 15 years (I was bff's with my H's sister growing up) & live 2 blocks for one another, however they weren't really friends. We've hung out a few times since we got engaged, all of us together. They are constantly asking how they are doing. I feel like it brings us closer together- both families. Does your bf plan on asking your dad before he proposes, does he know him that well?
I don't think it'd be a problem at all to wait til you are engaged, however you know you are serious, you are all in the same town- why not have dinner together somewhere if that's what you want! GL on deciding!
Ditto, our parents didn't meet until the rehearsal dinner either, but not for lack of wanting to... We live in Hawaii, my parents live in Chicago, in laws live in Massachussets. But, if the opportunity had presented itself, I would have LOVED to have them meet before hand! I say go for it! I don't see any mention of either of you not having a good relationship with your parents, why not introduce the important people in your lives to each other? I think you'll have fun
Same here. Ours met the night before the rehearsal dinner and haven't interacted once in the nearly year and a half since then. They don't have much in common and my parents don't travel often, so I doubt they'll see each other in the future...
I talked to the BF tonight after reading the posts to get his reaction. He agrees that the family should meet before that point. I just didn't want to put a lot of pressure on him; he wants to take the next step but I don't want him to feel overwhelmed. It seems from our conversation tonight I shouldn't be worrying. He said lets get them to dinner as soon as we all can.
Thanks for the responses. It sure is helpful to see my thoughts written out and all the responses. You all are wonderful!
My parents and H's parents met about 4 months before we got engaged. It was also the first time I met them. (H's parents live in AK and my family lives in WA state like H and I.) Both sets of our parents were aware that we were serious and planned on getting engaged soon. In fact my ILs thought we would get engaged that weekend.
Do whatever feels right for you and your BF.
Our parents met after we were dating for a few months... Almost 3 years before we even got engaged, let alone married.
So yes, it's perfectly fine for them to meet now.. But, everyone does it differently, so it's really up to you.
Our parents met when we first started dating almost 10 years ago. My husband's mother and sister spent holidays with our family for the last few years before we got married.
I don't see why it would be weird at all.
Are you secretly worried they won't get along?
-- Thoughts become things, choose the good ones! --
My H and I invited both sets of parents over for dinner at our house after we were engaged but several months before the wedding. It was short and casual, and accomplished just what we were looking for: the parents could go into the pre-wedding stuff having already met each other. If you all are talking about marriage and ring shopping, it's probably okay -- but not mandatory -- to set up a meeting. In fact, I feel like it's a polite and gracious thing for a couple to do for their parents sometime before the wedding.
Remember that the goal of this meeting is simply to introduce them so that future wedding functions are less stressful and awkward. They're not required to become friends, or even to like each other!
Our parents have never met eachother and we've been married for five years and have LO. DH was an exchange student. His parents have never traveled to where we live and I don't really expect them to ever do so. I wouldn't be surprised if they never met.
We are close with DH's host family (they call me their DIL and LO their first grandchild). My parents met his host family a few months before our wedding. HF also came to Puerto Rico for our wedding as DH's best man was his host father.
We had my parents, his mom and stepdad over for dinner shortly after we moved in together years ago. They all hit it off and have become friends. My mom and MIL talk pretty frequently now! My parents didn't meet his dad until our engagement party and his mom was the one to introduce them.
I'm glad they all met well before the wedding. We bought a house before we go married and had both families give their blessing and help us move and with little projects. We've felt like a united family for a while now... And it's only recently been made official.
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I think you definitely want parents to at least meet when you're engaged, but if both sets of parents are comfortable before then I'd go for it. My parents met husband's parents the weekend of my college graduation as we had JUST gotten engaged, my parents were driving up and DH's parents only lived about 45 minutes away. Lord, I remember being so worried about them meeting and they got along famously. They only met that time and had brunch together once before the wedding weekend.
I would say that if both your parents are comfortable with it, go right ahead. I know mine were a little bit squeamish about meeting DH's parents before they were sure it was "official," but I think it's all about what feels right for each couple in this situation.