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Not working? (Long)
I have a semi-hypothetical dilemma.
H has been doing some interviews lately, and today he had a second interview that went really well. If he's offered the position and the salary matches what we have in mind (both big IFs at this point) the plan is for us to move to that city so he can start the job.
Problem is...the city he would be working in is really small, and there is little to no market for what I have experience doing in that location. I would be giving up my "career" so he can start his. To give you a little background, H is a lawyer and has had a really hard time landing a job, he's been working retail for the last year to generate income and has hated every minute of it...so this offer would be a huge triumph for him (us.) I'm so proud of him and excited for the possible change!
When we've discussed the possibility of this, he is so enthusiastic because the expectation is that I wouldn't have to work (or I would just work part time- doing whatever I want so we can stock some extra cash.) Part of me is like heck yes! I'll take retirement before my 25th birthday! The other part is like....I graduated from college not that long ago, landed a good job, make decent money for what I do, and am pretty damn good at it. Is this really a good career move for me?
I love my current job, however it does feel a bit stagnant. I've reached the height of what I can accomplish in my current position and I've discussed advancement opportunities with my boss, and while she promises they will come...they aren't materializing fast enough for my liking. (Neither is a raise--there's been a company wide freeze and then a pay cut. So I haven't been offered anything since my hiring.)
We don't have kids and have no plans to have them any time soon, so it's not like I would be a stay at home mom. I know you guys don't have all the facts and probably can't make a definitive recommendation...but what would you do? Run for the tiny town and luxuriate with nothing to do? Or hold fast and ensure your career is solid?
We're newly married and everything with the hubby is happy and blissful and perfect, but my mother keeps warning me not to make the mistake of giving up my independence, or giving up everything I have going for myself for H. Marriages unfortunately do end, and I know she's afraid of me giving up opportunities to allow him to pursue his career.
What do you all think?
Re: Not working? (Long)
I ran for the tiny town to support my husband's career.
My DH's line of work is very specific (college coach) and the town that we live in now really had little to no PR opportunities for me (and we moved here two months after I graduated).
I worked in a job I hated for 3 years (that was semi-related to my degree) so that he could live his dream. And while doing it I applied for everything I could find. I just recently started a new job, a job that I love, a career job. Unfortunately it includes a 50 mile (each way) drive but it is what it is. I'm a million times happier and that alone has improved our marriage.
So...I did what you are considering and, while I'm really glad I did it, I'm THRILLED to have my job that I love now.
That said, I would (and will) move again for DH's job, even if it means giving up a job that I love. Just the way life is when you are married to a coach...
TI, IUIs, IVF = c/ps and BFNs
We made the mistake of not moving for a better job. Fi was offered his dream job in his tiny hometown.I was selfish and didn't want to leave my family and job.
I regret not moving. It's only 1.5 hours from our current town and I could easily have found a job there. Lesson learned.
how far is this town?
balancing dual careers is really hard. when DH was looking, we tried to keep it so that he was only applying in towns where I could feasibly find work. and even then, I wasn't very happy the first 6 mos and it took me a good 2 years to finally feel "back on track" career-wise. it took some time and sacrifice on my part, but DH is extremely happy in his job and I am happy too now.
now, if your DH has been searching and searching, I understand that beggars can't be choosers. but realistically you do need to keep your options open to try to avoid feeling resentful. no easy answers here...sorry.
Have you already researched this new city and know for sure that there are no opportunities for you? Have you looked in nearby/neighboring cities and areas? My husband and I haven't worked and lived in the same city for over 10 years; we've always worked in two different cities and lived in a third area that's in between the two. Is that something that you can look into?
My husband and I recently moved from D.C. area to a small town for a better job opportunity for him. He "liked" his job in D.C. area but I quickly noticed how he wasn't himself and how he got depressed. I talked to him about this and we came to a conclusion that his job had something to do with it...he was doing well in his field, but he was a contractor and nobody from his company knew who he was. There was no way of him getting raise for couple years regardless how much his contracting manager loved him. He was working long hours and spent 2-4 hours in traffic daily when our apt was only 10 miles away. It started to get to him. So I told him, we need to move to a small town that we are used to since that was the sort of lifestyle we were raised in.
That was hands down the best decision we have ever made. He's on the highest high I've seen him in a long time. He LOVES his new job, he even got a better pay and he's able to come home in 5 minutes instead of the usual 2-3 hours, depending on traffic. He LOVES his team and everyone on his team knows who he is...he's not just "a number" as he used to be in D.C.
What about me? I had a pretty awesome job traveling around the world. I traveled to 10+ countries in a year and half. I was making good impression on my manager and clients that the clients specifically asked me to work on their projects numerous time. So yes, I was sad to leave my job, but I knew it was what we needed. We needed to get away from the busy lifestyle...I wasn't happy with the busy lifestyle either. The cost of living was definitely ridiculous, so I was happy to move knowing that it'd be better for both of us. Now I have a job lined up for me. My first day will be in couple weeks and I've already heard nothing but amazing things about this company.
New beginnings can be scary but it can also be a good thing.
I guess I'd say you need to look at what IS available in this new town, and whether you can find something, or even create a market, where you're going. Are there opportunities to volunteer and keep your skills fresh? Are there telecommuting opportunities so you could work from anywhere? Is there something you've always wanted to do, and this would be your opportunity to be your own boss? Would being away from your field for 6-12 months, say, really be a career killer? Do you want this as a career?
Part of this would depend, of course, on your field.
I would move, just for the chance it gives your DH. You may not have to live there forever, and perhaps he could get his foot in the door for a few years as a stepping stone to a new job in a better market for both of you. IMO it's worth the short-term sacrifice on your end for long-term benefits for both of you.
Our little Irish rose came to us on March 5, 2010
Don't drink the water.
Disclaimer: I am not an MD. Please don't PM me with pregnancy-related questions. Ask your doctor.
I left a spot in a highly ranked grad school for my husband, and no I don't regret it. But I did not have to give up my career entirely, just the potential advancement. If anything does go south, I know I can make things work. I'm not sure I would have been okay moving to Podunk and completely destroying my prospects altogether.
Although, it's not that you can't go back to work later, you'd just be starting from the bottom-up again.
I moved to French Canada as a writer for this amazing offer my husband received. I left a job I was good at in a competitive field and I worried about the same thing.
However, actually even though I make way less money, I am now in high demand here because there's no real competition. I got to write a travel book and I worked on really cool articles I wouldn't have had the chance to do had I not moved.
Is there the same possibility for you? Are there classes you could take or freelance options? I agree about finding something to do during the day. I spend half the day learning French and the other freelance writing. My biggest problem is a real lack of a social circle and just not feeling challenged enough.
Thanks everyone! This has definitely helped
Maybride, the town is actually the city we went to college in so we've lived there before. I've been looking online for opportunities but based on what I know about the place and what I've found while looking (nothing...) I'm pretty sure there's no opportunity in my current field. Although I'll never say never. As you and someone else mentioned, I would probably be bored out of my mind. Another downside is that there isn't much to do in that area, so it makes sense for me to try and find some work...although I have a feeling I'll end up back in something generic like retail or sales.
The surrounding areas are very rural, so it's not within commuting distance of another area where I could find a job and we could live between the two. We currently live in a metropolitan area where the "living between two cities" idea would work well as there is "stuff" in every direction- job opportunities, businesses, suburbs, etc. However this new place is 2.5 hours away from where we currently live, which obviously isn't workable if we want to live together and as I said there's nothingness around it for miles and miles. Just swamp, alligators, and interstate.
At this point we've just got our fingers crossed that an offer comes back with a big salary for H! I'll figure something out, I always land on my feet!
Just make sure that there's something for you. I agree with Mom.
All I'll say is that 5 years ago, I left a good job/company and moved for my husband to pursue his dreams. I didn't want to, but he was so, so, so miserable. I left my industry to move to where he wanted to go - and ended up in a role that I was extremely overqualified for because there were not other comparable jobs. I was miserable, and it affected our marriage (well, our marriage was adversely affected for reasons beyond that). We left that area, and 2 years later, I'm back on track career-wise. It was a lot for him to ask, and a lot for me to give. I didn't know how much it would affect me until much later. Just take care of yourself in the whole scheme of things.
That's it.