MIL from Hell

njl28

--> My husband is an only child & him & his mother are very close, which at times can be a problem. When I met him i had a 2 year old, and his mother didn't approve of me. Well 4 years into the relationship we a child of our own, and the drama began. My oldest daughter ( who at the time was estranged from her biological father) probably felt confused about where her place was, and I reassured her that we loved her, and nothing would change. Well, I moved to save money for our own place with my (soon to be mother in law) and while my husband was off shore working she would throw slants to me and my daughter, and tell her sisters about us, while I was there. So, I moved out. I told my husband it's me or her. He chose me so I thought. Fast forward 5 years, we're married and now my oldest (11) doesn't like going to her house because anytime something gets broken my oldest is automatically blamed. Now, I know how my little can be & mischievous and as little children do will lie to get out of trouble. Well his mother runs with that, and he falls for it hook line and sinker. Recenlty we were all together at a family reunion and his mother made up the story that my oldest daughter had cussed me; because she didn't hear my daughter ask me OUT LOUD if a party goer was gay. Well not wanting to offend the family member Isent her outside, and his mother asked what  she had said , and I didn't respond.  Now he comes at me with a girl at the party heard that and she's telling everyone this story. I told him that I KNOW YOUR MOTHER said it because, she was ear hustling; didn't hear what my daughter told me, only that i sent her outside. Now, me and him are arguing over something she said, & I'm just at the end of my rope. HELP how should I handle her.

renegade gaucho

njl28:

Recenlty we were all together at a family reunion and his mother made up the story that my oldest daughter had cussed me; because she didn't hear my daughter ask me OUT LOUD if a party goer was gay. Well not wanting to offend the family member Isent her outside, and his mother asked what  she had said , and I didn't respond.  Now he comes at me with a girl at the party heard that and she's telling everyone this story. I told him that I KNOW YOUR MOTHER said it because, she was ear hustling; didn't hear what my daughter told me, only that i sent her outside.

I have no idea what any of this means.

If it's not your daughter who is breaking things at MIL's, who is it?

So you haven't had any problems with MIL in the five years since you stopped mooching off her and moved out of her house, and now she's suddenly treating you and your daughter badly?  When you say your husband chose you, what exactly do you mean by that?  Did he confront her about her behavior?  I'm a little confused by everything you've posted here, so I'm just trying to get a better idea of what's going on.

njl28

My five year old is breaking things at her house and blaming my oldest daughter. I did not mooch off of her, as I AM THE ONLY PAYING ALL THE BILLS IN MY HOUSE. Yes he confronted his mother about the behavior, but it has continued.

Belichick

Your posts were a little hard to follow, but I think I got the idea.

A few questions-

Is your MIL actually rude to your older daughter?

How does your H treat her, does she get blamed for things that your younger one does at home too?

mbcdefg

njl28:

My five year old is breaking things at her house and blaming my oldest daughter. I did not mooch off of her, as I AM THE ONLY PAYING ALL THE BILLS IN MY HOUSE. Yes he confronted his mother about the behavior, but it has continued.

Why do you keep taking your kids over there if the younger one keeps breaking things? Either MIL doesn't put her things away or your younger kid isn't behaving properly.

Are you giving MIL the money or replacement objects for the things that are broken? If not, maybe that is why she's pissy with you.

If your H has confronted his mom about her nasty behavior and she hasn't stopped, then you guys need to stop seeing her. How effective is this?:

H: "Mom, treat my wife better."

MIL: "No."

H: *shrug* "Well, I tried."

renegade gaucho

njl28:

My five year old is breaking things at her house and blaming my oldest daughter. I did not mooch off of her, as I AM THE ONLY PAYING ALL THE BILLS IN MY HOUSE. Yes he confronted his mother about the behavior, but it has continued.

My apologies- you said that you moved in with her to save money, implying that there was some benefit to you.  Why isn't your husband contributing to the bills?

Regarding the broken stuff, what kind of discipline does your five-year-old get for ruining other people's things and then lying about it to get her big sister in trouble?  How does your husband react when this happens?

If MIL's behavior continued after he confronted her, he should have taken more drastic action and followed up with consequences. However, if this dynamic has been present for five years, I don't think there's much hope of it changing now.

vjcjenn1

has he adopted her, does he treat her as his own daughter...why after this many years are we still talking "my daughter, our daugther"...he should say to his mom..."that's my family and I don't like how you are treating her"

In general...your writing is terrible, it was so difficult to follow the wording

Nukke

vjcjenn1:

has he adopted her, does he treat her as his own daughter...why after this many years are we still talking "my daughter, our daugther"...he should say to his mom..."that's my family and I don't like how you are treating her"

In general...your writing is terrible, it was so difficult to follow the wording

THIS.  If this truly is your family dynamic, you and your husband need to step up and let your MIL know that you are ALL a team together.