What does TIP say?

sweetie0228

http://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/59318530.aspx

A SM on the Blended Families board on the bump (titled What's my Role) asks how bad is it to join a "prestigious exclusive only the best of the best families are invited" if she needs to hide it from her Stepson and needs to hide the fact she is step mother to this organization.

Enjoy

EastCoastBride

Wow.  Just wow.

ReturnOfKuus

I'm confused.  Do they not allow blended families, or is this her hangup, that she thinks blended families are somehow lesser than?

Muddled

ReturnOfKuus:

I'm confused.  Do they not allow blended families, or is this her hangup, that she thinks blended families are somehow lesser than?

or is it her step-son in particular?

steve&heather

Kuus, it's her hang-up. They allow blended families, but she just doesn't want to put the effort into getting her SS to all the mandatory events or whatever. She also said she doesn't consider him "hers" and intimated that she doesn't do "mom" stuff with him because she'd be pissed if a step-mom tried it with her son.

She sounds like a peach and her faux snobby organization can suck it.

I don't get what's so special about these connections through this organization anyway, if she's already moving in a circle with these people won't their kids hang out at some point outside of an official club function? Maybe it's one of those organizations that it's more about the name than anything else, like saying you're in MENSA or a Furry something.

 

ReturnOfKuus

Will they get kicked out if her stepson can't make it to every single event?  I doubt they would, and if they're that often and that mandatory, it sounds like more of a pain in the ass than a benefit anyway.

MochaMacchiato

I can't even believe she's asking this question. What is there to even consider? Why would she join a group that would be disdainful of one of her children?? I feel terrible for her stepson, because I'd be willing to bed that he gets the short end of the stick at home.

WOW.

WrappedinClover

I would honestly wonder if it is an elitist religious group. Don't get me wrong, I am religious, but I would wonder if that is a hangup with the BM. The poster did say that the BM didn't have the same beliefs in the first post, I think. It would also explain some of the bizarre behavior. Sounds like an awful situation for the SS.

MochaMacchiato

OMG, her reply later in the thread.

"The organization would accept all of my children.  I don't consider SS my child b/c he has a mother and father as my MIL told me before we got married.  She also said, "you should let them do it".  Now that she sees that BM really doesn't put anything into SS and DH does what he can EOW/2.5 visit she sees it's me that is on the school's website and knows when parent teacher conferences are, and what's going on with his schooling.  Yes, SS is a part of my family but I don't consider him mine.  I'llput it to you like this, the family pic of us in my mom's house is DH, DS and I.  The same pic was taken with SS and it's in my MIL's house.

I want to me a part of this b/c it's a very well known ogranization in my circle.  Only the best of the best families are invited.  The opportunites and relationships that will be afforded to my child are priceless."

 

heartlyric

But guuuuuyyyyyyssss. She doesn't wanna have to drive both of them to all of these events so only her real son should go because after all SS isn't his real mom.

I hope that she gets all of her SS hating selfishness out on the bump so that poor SS doesn't have to hear it. I feel bad for him the most. He is quiet, non-athletic honor student that loves to play with other kids. He sounds like the winner in the family. Wonder when she is going to bring out the cinderella outfit for him since SS is only second best while her son is "the best of the best." 

malibu5880

I feel really bad for that stepson. She went very out of her way to make sure everyone knew he wasn't hers and that she didn't want to take part in including him in anything. Wow.

ETA: I also like how she makes sure to point out that her parents have a picture of ONLY her, her H, and their son in their house, only the in-laws have a picture that includes SS. Apparently SS is shunned from her family's house, too. Nice family.

BowiesInSpace

I need to know the name of this Skull & Bones for Moms organization.  Apparently it is so well-known that her poor-as-dirt DH knew about it when he was growing up.

Organizations like this exist just to make money off of insecure and gossipy housewives.   

huber22

I hope that when they go to vote on her family, it happens like that scene in Carrie. She's a terrible, terrible person.

ReturnOfKuus

Her husband has terrible judgment.

imoan

Even without the SS issue, I'm so grossed out that anyone wants to teach their kids snobbery and elitism at 22 months.

8daysaweek

This woman sounds exactly like my stepmother. Exactly. It was hard to read her posts. I remember doing "family" portraits and being kicked out of the photo for the rest. Sitting in a chair to the side and out of the way watching them was probably the loneliest I've ever felt in my life. I can still remember it, two decades later. Even as an adult, being able to sort of understand her reasoning, I don't understand why it had to be done that way.

I feel so sorry for her stepson right now.

 And you know what? My father also let her do it and played along with her little games. They're miserable now. They've separated countless times, filed for divorce a couple times, fight constantly - because he blames her for the fact that he has no relationship with his daughters or his only grandchild. (Don't get me wrong, I blame him more than her because he's the one who was supposed to protect us from people like that).

ldmessing

she is a peach, here is what she had to say about xmas cards

 

 I've been a SM for 6 years and in SS's life since he was 2.  He is now 14.  BM and DH were never married.  I say that to preface the question I'm about to ask so you don't think I"m THAT wet behind the years on this thing.  Please, don't flame me...

Does this same thing apply for sending two different cards - one to my family and one to my DH's family?

Our son is 21 months and I would love to send either a family pic or a pic of just him for Chirstmas or maybe even a what our family did this year card or since he was a January baby maybe doing a Happy New Years card - I don't know SOMETHING!  But I really only want it to be our son going to my family.  Of course I would send both kids or include SS info on the card going to his family.

I'm sorry to hijack. I'm a new poster to the bump and this thread cuaght my attention.

Muddled

Why does she have such a strict idea of what a family is and what a mother is? Her poor SS.  It must be miserable spending every other weekend with your dad and the woman he married who wants absolutely nothing to do with you.

renegade gaucho

ReturnOfKuus:

Her husband has terrible judgment.

Yeah, in these posts people tend to jump all over the stepmom (and rightfully so), but I'm so much more horrified at the biological parent who would marry a person who doesn't want to treat his child as one of her own.  I know she's not his biological mom and might not have the same kind of bond with him, but this is just awful.  I'm not a parent, but I can't fathom how I could feel anything but hatred for someone who showed so much disdain for my kid.

Muddled

ldmessing:

she is a peach, here is what she had to say about xmas cards

 

 I've been a SM for 6 years and in SS's life since he was 2.  He is now 14.  BM and DH were never married.  I say that to preface the question I'm about to ask so you don't think I"m THAT wet behind the years on this thing.  Please, don't flame me...

wet behind the years

Bwahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

Interrobang

renegade gaucho:

ReturnOfKuus:

Her husband has terrible judgment.

Yeah, in these posts people tend to jump all over the stepmom (and rightfully so), but I'm so much more horrified at the biological parent who would marry a person who doesn't want to treat his child as one of her own.  I know she's not his biological mom and might not have the same kind of bond with him, but this is just awful.  I'm not a parent, but I can't fathom how I could feel anything but hatred for someone who showed so much disdain for my kid.

It's pretty bad that she's acting this way and feels this way about her SS but yeah, I'm side eyeing her H even harder.   

Interrobang

ldmessing:

she is a peach, here is what she had to say about xmas cards

 [snip]

Oh, that's her?! That post made me mad.  

julie324

I have not even read the thread yet, but I really want to call her an asshat.  I had a stepgrandfather growing up.  I called him by his first name as did my dad because he married dad's mom when dad was an adult.  The differences ended there.  He always referred to "his wife's grandkids" as his grandkids.  My grandma would never dream of having a family picture without everyone including his biological grandkids when he had them. 

kellbell1919

Ugh.  She has her head so far up her ass it's not ever coming out so far as I can tell.

FroggyFarts

The quotes pasted here (including the Christmas Card one) have me just repeating "What a b1tch" over and over for lack of anything nastier to say. I cannot believe that this poor child's father does nothing about this. That he allows her to ostracize his child like this!

When you marry a person with a child, you're accepting that you will treat that child fairly regardless of any future children you have.

I refuse to believe that her husband has no idea how she feels about his child. I just cannot fathom this husband of hers being a decent guy but allowing such an evil woman in his child's life. This seriously horrifies me. My heart breaks for that poor child and the resentment he'll feel for his father and his half-sibling.

8daysaweek:

This woman sounds exactly like my stepmother. Exactly. It was hard to read her posts. I remember doing "family" portraits and being kicked out of the photo for the rest. Sitting in a chair to the side and out of the way watching them was probably the loneliest I've ever felt in my life. I can still remember it, two decades later. Even as an adult, being able to sort of understand her reasoning, I don't understand why it had to be done that way.

I feel so sorry for her stepson right now.

 And you know what? My father also let her do it and played along with her little games. They're miserable now. They've separated countless times, filed for divorce a couple times, fight constantly - because he blames her for the fact that he has no relationship with his daughters or his only grandchild. (Don't get me wrong, I blame him more than her because he's the one who was supposed to protect us from people like that).

I'm so sorry for what you went through. That is seriously horrifying. I hope your father realizes that he's got a bit of the blame with regards to his present life as well and works to make amends to you and your siblings.

8daysaweek

FroggyFarts:

The quotes pasted here (including the Christmas Card one) have me just repeating "What a b1tch" over and over for lack of anything nastier to say. I cannot believe that this poor child's father does nothing about this. That he allows her to ostracize his child like this!

When you marry a person with a child, you're accepting that you will treat that child fairly regardless of any future children you have.

I refuse to believe that her husband has no idea how she feels about his child. I just cannot fathom this husband of hers being a decent guy but allowing such an evil woman in his child's life. This seriously horrifies me. My heart breaks for that poor child and the resentment he'll feel for his father and his half-sibling.

8daysaweek:

This woman sounds exactly like my stepmother. Exactly. It was hard to read her posts. I remember doing "family" portraits and being kicked out of the photo for the rest. Sitting in a chair to the side and out of the way watching them was probably the loneliest I've ever felt in my life. I can still remember it, two decades later. Even as an adult, being able to sort of understand her reasoning, I don't understand why it had to be done that way.

I feel so sorry for her stepson right now.

 And you know what? My father also let her do it and played along with her little games. They're miserable now. They've separated countless times, filed for divorce a couple times, fight constantly - because he blames her for the fact that he has no relationship with his daughters or his only grandchild. (Don't get me wrong, I blame him more than her because he's the one who was supposed to protect us from people like that).

I'm so sorry for what you went through. That is seriously horrifying. I hope your father realizes that he's got a bit of the blame with regards to his present life as well and works to make amends to you and your siblings.

 

Thanks you, that's very nice of you. I've moved on and healed quite a bit but I don't think that kind of thing ever totally heals.

And truthfully, that kind of stuff was just the tip of the iceberg with how she treated us. That's what really worries me about the TB post - this is the stuff she's admitting and willing to say. I can only imagine what else is there that she's not saying. 

rt4life

ReturnOfKuus:

Her husband has terrible judgment.

 I agree