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**Smudges*Mom** / anyone else with kids during deployment
Do you have any tips on how to help build the relationship between DW and DD when they are reunited?
DW first left when LO was 3 months old - she is now 18 months old. Yes, we just spent two weeks together in August but we weren't at home and I didn't push DW to take on parenting tasks for such a short period of time.
I'm trying to keep my expectations low (or maybe just realistic) and keep telling myself to expect it to take time for the three of us to find a groove.
So do you have any tips? Did you find that when your DH returned from deployment he wanted to jump into parenting(and by parenting I mean taking over part of the daily routine)? Was it more gradual? Was it difficult for you to hand over some of the control?
DW returns soon and I'm getting anxious/excited/stressed/and giddy 
TIA!
Re: **Smudges*Mom** / anyone else with kids during deployment
I was really nervous about DH coming home, but, it all worked out just fine. LO was 9 months old when DH returned, so it was a little bit easier on him, I think. But, because your DD is a older, she will understand more of what you tell her.
Were there parenting duties that your DW did during R&R? Have you asked her what duties she'd like to take on/over upon her return? For us, it was different because I am a SAHM, and DH, obviously, works full time. With both of you working, it is much more realistic for your DW to take on more duties. For me, my "job" has stayed much the same. I was really looking forward to DH taking over bottle duty. After doing bottles TWICE, he complained about what a PITA it was and that it really wasn't his "thing". (I did a rough calculation in my head of the number of bottles I cleaned and put back together versus those that he did and it was something like my 1500 to his 75. Sore point, sorry!). So, I think it would be good to let your DW take on a duty or two that she likes. Once she's home and better acclimated, you can talk about a more fair distribution of fun tasks versus necessary (but not necessarily fun) tasks.
One thing that I had to be aware of (and am still working on) is that different is not bad. My way of doing something is not the *only* way of getting it done. I have to let DH figure some things out on his own. And, I have to keep my (potentially judgmental) feelings to myself!!!! It is difficult!!!
As for your DD, don't rush her. Be certain to show your DW as much affection as you two are comfortable with. DD will see that you are happy that DW is home and that being near her is good. This modeling of behavior is, IMO, a good way to send non-verbal cues to your DD that DW is not just some random person. I'm not saying that you need to become conjoined, but little one's pick-up on all of our cues.
I would also try to have DW observe and participate as much as possible. (Will DW be living at home with you and DD? I'm not sure what plans her work has for her.). There is a fine line between respecting DD's schedule and becoming a slave to it. And, don't continue to do something, especially at first, because it is easier. My DS won't allow DH to put him to bed if I am home. If I am out of the house, DS will go down for DH. (I have been known to go sit in the car so that I can get a break and have DH put DS to bed.). If your DD gets up at night, take turns going in, or take night's, or whatever works for you. If you do what is easier (read YOU doing it because you and your DD have your rhythm), it may be more difficult for DW to become established. You may need to literally step back (or, out to your car!) tomgive them the space to figure things out.
It will work out just fine! Much of what I share is hindsight from my experience. Frankly, we just muddled along. DS and DH have a great relationship though. I hope at least a little bit of is helps. Let me know if you have any other questions or worries. I understand the feelings of excitement and worry.
Thank you sooo much for your response! I really needed to hear this from someone that understands the situtation. I don't have anyone in my support system that has any clue what this is like. That said...
I only skimmed Smudge's reply, but I'm sure she covered everything. One thing I really want to stress is filling DW in on what the routine is like now and even requesting she sit back and observe for a little while before jumping right in. I had an extremely easy deployment with my son (he was 2-3) because I kept him in a fairly strict routine. Kids need constants in their lives and they need to know what those constants are. A couple months leading up to homecoming I talked to my husband a lot about day to day specifics and how we needed to maintain those until the three of us were totally ready to develop a family routine. I knew he might feel like a little bit of an outsider at first, but it takes time to reintegrate. I've seen too many spouses shove everything off onto the returning parent with the attitude, "I've done this alone for a year, it's YOUR turn, right now." That completely throws off what the kid is used to and could easily create some resentment in the returning parent. Telling your wife to sit back and watch for a while will give her some time to feel comfortable at home again and will give your child the time to warm up to her.
and, I just now noticed I said what pumpkin already said. oh, well. clearly it's good advice