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This is normal, right?

I am in my first exclusive relationship post divorce (D was 2.5 years ago). I have been dating him for 2.5 months. BF is super nice and treats me well, but in the back of my mind, I am waiting for him to turn bad like XH did or am waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I had my first therapy appt last week (to deal with my own issues), and she said this was normal and that it would go away with time. But I just wanted to double check that I am not the only one feeling this way.

imageimageimage

Re: This is normal, right?

  • I felt the same way. Eventually the feeling went away. I think is very normal.
    2011 Races
    3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
    5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
    5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
    5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
    7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
    10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
  • Absolutely normal. It's tough but you can learn to overcome it. Just try not to give in to knee jerk reactions. (ie screaming "oh yeah? WELL F YOU!!" in response to a joke)

    image
  • I felt that way at the start of my relationship... I think it kind of is normal. I didn't compare him to XH, just felt like I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop. I was so worried things would go well and the rug would be ripped out from under me yet again but I told myself I stood back up once before so if it happens again I know I have the strength to deal with it. Just don't let it take control of your life and cause you to not do things...
  • imagepbear:

    Absolutely normal. It's tough but you can learn to overcome it. Just try not to give in to knee jerk reactions. (ie screaming "oh yeah? WELL F YOU!!" in response to a joke)

    Thanks all. I just feel so insecure in the relationship since I feel like its "too good to be true" so something bad must happen....bc my xh and my relationship started off good but then ended up bad. 

    imageimageimage
  • Yes, I feel like I walked around looking like this for the first few months.

     Meet the Parents DeNiro watching you animated gif (150k)

    image
    We're kind of going out.
  • imageMelindaFelinda:

    Yes, I feel like I walked around looking like this for the first few months.

     Meet the Parents DeNiro watching you animated gif (150k)

    Hahahahaha! PERFECT way to put it!

  • I think it is totally normal.

    I've been with my bf for a year and there are still something things that make me get a bit weird (like this past weekend I was in a funk because two years ago on that day I had to fill out a missing persons report for my then h and it's just a horrible memory associated with that day). I found that if I was honest with bf about what I am going through, he just lets me have my moment. Sometimes now he just knows by my expression that I am in that frame of mind and says, "Do you need some sweet nothings?" Which is his way of asking what he can do to take my mid off it.

    It does get easier the longer you are with the new person, too.

  • YGM
    image
    They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
  • Ha. Funny, I got into this same discussion with my BF tonight. It's been almost 3 months, and we're spending a LOT more time together than most people do at 3 months, so it's like we've been together twice that long. We got into a big argument today, and this was one of the things that came out. I'm terrified that I'm going to just suddenly turn around one day and he'll be gone, and I'll not know why. I've been in and out of counseling since my divorce, too, so I know that it's just a visceral reaction and will eventually subside. Maybe never go away completely, but subside to more manageable levels.
  • I feel the same way. I've known my current BF for 10 years and we lost touch for quite a few of them while he was at war. We dated for like maybe 2 months back when we were 18 and he was 20, but he dumped me because he wasn't ready to settle down (neither was I at 18!) but he did tell me he had strong feelings towards me that he couldn't explain. He was quick to move on to another girl, but he was with them mostly for "booty".

    Now that we are exclusive, he has been amazing to me and tells me he should have never let me go, is great with my daughter, etc. but I feel like one day he may change his mind.

    I have no reason to think that as things have been great and we have talked about a future and he is ready to settle down finally...but I am the worst at over-analyzing. I know it is my own insecurities, but I hate feeling that one day he may find someone better. Darn these insecurities!

    Image and video hosting by TinyPic Image and video hosting by TinyPic Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Formerly Dashskidaddle
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