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Need some advice...
My MOH was my best friend at the time. Before the wedding and until the day she was single but had to deal with her crazy ex because they have a daughter together. The guy she's dating now she met a week or so after the wedding. In June (I think) she and the guy moved in together about an hour away from where she lived before, which was right by me. The guy's nice enough, but he's kinda controlling. MOH and I went out of state to Ikea and he was texting and pouting the whole time because she wouldn't be home when he got home from work. Any time she would hang out with me, he would call her and talk for like, half an hour.
She doesn't work, and besides watching tv and taking care of her 3-year old doesn't do too much. The last time I saw her was August 26th for her daughter's birthday party. And before that it was about a month that I didn't see her. She doesn't have a cell phone, so I can't talk to her, and the only to communicate is though fb. Several times she said she was going to come over, then I didn't hear from her for days.
She's never made any effort to try and talk, or hang out or anything, and before the wedding I seriously considered dropping the friendship. I love her and she and I are a lot alike, but she is notoriously unreliable and kinda passive friend.
So I tried one final time to connect with her, I messaged her that I'm not working Friday and asked if she wanted to come over. She messaged me back saying she wanted to, but could be here at six on friday, with the boyfriend.
First of all, six is when DH gets home from work, and then soon thereafter we eat. Second of all, I haven't seen my best friend in two months, I don't want to hang out with her and her boyfriend. I want to see her, and complain about DH and have her complain about her bf and the like.
I know if I said something about not wanting her bf over then he would make a big stink about it. The only think I could think of was to tell her that in the evening doesn't work, but I don't know what else to do.
If you were in my shoes what would you do?
Re: Need some advice...
missmis, you are 1 trillion percent right. I'll go ahead and ditto everything.
I'm always surprised at how difficult it is for women to end/cool off friendships. Of course, I was a girl who hung around guys a lot, but still. I've had wonderful girlfriends in the past who I'm not friends with now for a variety of reasons. I've always felt, much like missmis said, that not every friendship is for life. I don't keep in touch with many girls I was besties with from hs because they are at different points in their life. I'm married and that's my priority; some of my former friends are still going to the singles bar every weekend.
Anyway lex, if I were you, I'd probably just not call the girl as often, if at all. If she wants to make plans, then by all means get together. But you've done your part by keeping in contact and trying to make plans. She hasn't and it sounds like the relationship is pretty one-sided right now. Focus energy on friends that will make time for you!
Do the creep.
It's tough to acknowledge that a once good friend is really not such a good friend anymore, especially since she was your MOH, and you clearly had a better friendship before now.
That being said, both PP have it right...friendships change, or end completely sometimes, and you just need to accept that (maybe just for now even) this friendship is not as important to her as it once was. She is clearly not willing to make the time for you.
Remember also, that she has a child, and that complicates things for her "free" time. But regardless, I do think you should just let it go for a while, if only to invest time in other friends who will make your friendship a priority. Who knows? Maybe she'll come around in a few months, years, and her life and priorities will be different, and if you so choose, you can have her back in your life again then.