Politics & Current Events
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: 10 Things Not to Say to your Childless Friends
not that i'm fixated on sleep or anything but i didn't even notice the money thing in the statement
as far as money is concerned i only assume you can afford THAT because you make more money than i do or are better with it, not because kids are involved. your coworker sounds like a peach.
I understand this, but birthday parties aren't like weddings and showers where ettitquite says to send a gift even if you declined the invite.
Are they?
My Goodness...another food blog. Featuring: Macarons from a old post with a photo taken by my mom for a break from my crappy food photos!
i'm thinking gift grabby in "invite as many people as possible to get more presents" as opposed to accept vs. decline etiquette.
In my circle of friends I'm very likely going to be the only one with child(ren). I'm the weird one. Since I like my friends - and they like me - we make a great effort to not say cheney things to one another.
Now for my somewhat random comments:
-We were a family before we had the kid
-My cats are still my babies.
-Being awoken by my cats is worse than being awoken by my child. I reserve the right to change my opinion on this when she's able to walk into my room and tap me on the face.
-Poopy diapers are worse than I thought they'd be
-I invited people I wanted to see to my kid's party. My friends love me and, by extension, my kid. Besides, there was food and cake and everyone likes cake.
But they can always just say no and therefore not get a gift. (eta the part that made this relevant and fix typos)
I really don't understand - if they don't want to come they don't have to, so they dont' have to get a gift if they don't want to. Your friends would have to be total A-holes to get an invite to a kid's birthday and think to themselves "OMG are you kidding me with this? I don't want to watch your grubby kid stuff themselves with cake. Ick."
A normal person would think "oh fun, birthday with cute kids!" or "oh, yeah, not really into it. but thanks for thinking of me!"
FYI, anybody reading this who does have an adverse reaction to recieving a birthday party invite: you are a jerk and you probably kick puppies. YWIA.
My Goodness...another food blog. Featuring: Macarons from a old post with a photo taken by my mom for a break from my crappy food photos!
Yep, I agree with WaWa here. I have many friends with kids, and I am always invited to their birthday parties, and I almost always go. I love my friends, and I love their kids. I want to be there.
It is just rude. If I was with my friend and she was constantly stating that I "wouldn't understand" because I don't have kids, I would be spending a lot less time with that friend. It is on thing to say "dude, before I had kids I thought that poop would gross me out, but I am oddly OK with it now. Weird, right?" That would not offend me at all, because she is sharing an experience with me. If she said "Poop dosen't gross me out, but you couldn't possibly understand that since you don't have children", I would want to punch an ovary.
Some of these are just common sense. I don't think it's ever OK to ask someone when they are planning on a kid. That's SO personal, IF or not. Although, I do have to say that these boards have made me so much more sensitive to my friends who don't have kids and may or may not be struggling with IF. I would never tell them how lucky they are to sleep through the night because guess what? I chose to have kids, and I had heard rumors that they impact your sleep habits.
The baby = dog thing, eh. I get it. I have friends who spend more money on their dogs than I do my kids. That's cool. It makes them happy.
That being said, I did get a little stabby one time when I was hanging out with a friend-of-a-friend and that person's dog. She literally picked her dog up to where my then- 6 month old DD was sitting and in a baby voice said, "Awww, look [dog's name]. She's a baby, just like you're a baby! But you're cuter, aren't you?" and then big kisses to the dog. Really? You're going to say that in front of a new mom?
this exactly. It ends the conversation. "Why are you so tired when you have a 3 week old?" "You wouldn't understand." okaaaay then. Conversation over, rather than "she wakes up every few hours or so to eat" or "she's really colic-y and its hard to get her to go to sleep" or whatever. That prompts a conversation, "you wouldn't understand" shuts it down. Of course if the question itself is asked in a snotty and condescending way then maybe the conversation should be shut down. But in itself saying "you wouldn't understand" is condescending pretty much all the time.
"You're so lucky you get to sleep in/shop/travel."
I said something similar to a nestie once and I was SCHOOLED for it! It may even have been one of you ladies (sorry!) Sometimes even nice people say asshat things.
Anything you can achieve through hard work, you could also just buy.
But, again, I'm pretty open about being child free by choice. I can get how it would sting if you weren't.
Your dog story - I think it would have taken every ounce of willpower for me to cuddle my baby and say "you're so cute and someday you'll be able to clean up your own poop!" kiss kiss kiss
Oh yes, close friends, definitely. But, I usually wait for them to bring it up. I feel self-conscious because I was able to conceive really easily and had healthy kids, so I would understand if even a close friend wouldn't choose me to discuss those things with (if they were having problems).
Sometimes I feel like it's a damned if you do, damned if you don't. I worry about putting salt in a wound if I ask and they are having problems, but then I worry if not asking is translated as a lack of interest in their life, you know?
Maybe it's because most of my friends were fence sitters that we discussed kid wants. The discussion was often before anyone was married, too. And it continues, especially with my fellow fence sitting friends.
FWIW, I've never been offended when people ask if we want kids. It's a question, seemingly one where either answer is acceptable. When people ask when we'll have kids, they're implying I want them as everyone must, and that's offensive.
My favorite are the Koreans who asked when (there's no if). My typical answer is that I'm too young, and then they usually leave me alone. But then, sometimes, they ask my age. 30. To which I get an awesome reaction of "you're not too young... you're OLD" It's said all wide eyed and in a thick accent, and it cracks me up.
One one hand - yes.
On the other - if I had the money to afford kids/house/whatever right now, I might have a kid.
But having to buy a house to accomodate said kid and, like, pay for their education is certainly a downside. It's all about priorities, though. Said coworker chose to prioritize having kids over nice vacations, apparently.
40/112
are these at their home with decent food and beverages, or at the Chuck E Cheese/bouncehouse gym/etc??? I need to know if I'm an assholes for not inviting grown folks with no kids to Chuck e Cheese. possibly i'm an assholes for considering a chuck e cheese party. I mean, I strangely enjoy the occasional gattiland pizza party so i'm probably overthinking it.
My friend's kid's parties are generally at bouncy houses with an at-home present opening to follow. I attend both parts joyfully. I love bouncy houses.
And I can't wait till their kids are old enough for chuck e cheese because I love skeeball. I actually asked about the possiblity of a chuck e cheese party at the last party I attended...
I might be weird.
My Goodness...another food blog. Featuring: Macarons from a old post with a photo taken by my mom for a break from my crappy food photos!
Both, but these are for close friends. I mean if Sally that I have hung out with twice invited me to Chuck E. Cheese I would decline, but my close friends? I would totally go. I love their kids. (No Chuck E. Cheese parties yet though!)
you and wawa are both invited to my hypothetical chuck e cheese party (i will still call it showbiz pizza, though). there will be a skeeball tournament for us. screw the kids.
I LOVE SKEEBALL. And pizza.
You are not weird. Who doesn't love bouncy houses?
The Chuck E Cheese by my house, re did it's skee ball lanes so they're these little short lame things with light balls. They made me ranty. Back in my day everyone had regular skee ball lanes and liked it! *shakes cane*
omg Chuck E Cheese is hell on earth. Seriously. Horrible food. Insane kids in a small, dirty space, yelling and screaming. Scary giant rat.
::shudder::
at least our local one has beer. Thats all it has going for it.
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