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How do you know when you're ready?
So DH and I have been talking for a while about starting a family. I have had baby on the brain for a few months now but he was a little more hesitant wanting to wait and pay a few things off before we start and he wanted to finish school. Originally we decided we would wait about a year or so to start. Then about a week and a half ago he was chatting with some co-workers that have kids and they all were telling him how much it changes your life and he came home all excited and ready. I however was taken back and said let's at least wait until the summer to start planning this adventure. So that was the deal. Pay a few more things off and get busy making baby this summer.
Yesterday I got a call from my stepmom, whom I'm very close with and she and I were chatting away and she guessed that we were thinking about trying. She started telling me that we should wait and travel and have DH finish school and such. I want both worlds. I just feel sort of torn. I don't want GH to feel like he's slaving away finishing his degree while I take care of the baby and I know we want to have him done with school so I can stay home with the kids or work part time. The only thing is I just turned 27 in July. He turned 27 in June and I guess I'm feeling the pressure seeing so many of our friends with kids. I really want kids, always have and always will. I worry though that I should start TTC sooner rather than later....
Thoughts?
Re: How do you know when you're ready?
IMO you are ready when both you and DH are ready. There is no said perfect time I don't think. For me and my DH we had talked about this ALOT before we got married, we knew we didn't want to wait a long time after our wedding to start trying. Our original plan was to start trying in Jan. of this year but then on new years eve I was very emotional and we talked yet again about when to start trying and had decided to wait until summer... well little did we know that the deed was already done and we had concieved our son the day before. So we embranced the journey we were about to embark on and now we have a 5 week old baby. So while the timing wasn't what we had planned we wouldn't change it for the world.
If there are things that you and DH want to get done prior to having kids I would do it, I wouldn't let your age, your family and friend alter that plan. It is your family and your TTC journey and it will be unique all on its own. If you both feel ready now then do it, if you both feel it is better to wait then wait, but what ever you do i would at least be on the same page with DH, I think that is the most important thing.
HTH
Being ready is so imporrtant, while you are never FULLY ready because it will def throw some curve balls at you but feeling ready to handle it before you start trying is a great place to start.
I know what you mean, I would question myself all the time too, hence the conversation on new years eve haha but it worked out for the better, the love for my son that my DH and I share is the most amazing feeling in the world. When your time comes you will feel the same way too.
you're never really "ready" to have kids. there isn't ever a perfect time. however, do not let friends having kids make you feel like you need to have kids as well. that's not a good bandwagon to jump on! you are not old (at all) and have plenty of time to have children. if there are certain things you guys wanted to accomplish before having a baby, do those things. that's great that your dh is excited now, maybe you both can work harder at your goals and get them accomplished sooner. in the grand scheme of things, waiting another 6 months or whatever isn't really that big of a deal (imo) and you guys need to make sure you're doing it because you both feel prepared and comfortable in your situation financially, etc, and not because you have outside pressure, kwim? i hope this isn't coming across rude, good luck with whatever you decide!
but yes, the vacations and things (even date nights) definitely go to the backburner. so if there's something you really want to do, get it done first. lol.
My daughter was a surprise. My BFP couldn't have happened at a worse time (we had no money, no insurance, crappy jobs, we were both working and going to school full time, and, not to mention, our house was completely gutted - we were in the middle of a top to bottom remodel). I don't know of two people that were less ready than us.
If you want a baby now, don't let timing/circumstances/opinions get in your way. Like Jenn and Shannon said, you're never really ready.
Can't wait to meet my baby boy!
"Babies really don't need much in the first year." My Momma Bear told me that a hundred times while I was pregnant. She couldn't have been more right (barring any strange circumstances, like health issues).
Cloth diapers, breastfeeding, SAHM, even bed-sharing are all ways to have a baby on a budget. We have never once used Lucy's crib, or the glider, or anything in the nursery other than the changing table and playmat. You can get by (comfortably) without half the stuff on baby registry lists.
I don't want it to seem like I'm trying to convince you that you're ready to TTC, I just don't want the cost to stop you.
Can't wait to meet my baby boy!
Given you have amazing health insurance. You may want to find out what your OOP cost would be to have a baby. We're still paying and it definitely wasn't cheap so that can add a lot of cost right there.
There are definitely ways to do it cheap if you needed/wanted to.
I agree with Jenn & Shannon though. If there are things you still want to accomplish before having a baby, DO IT! It's hard to do anything once you have a baby (honestly) unless you have family here. We have none so that makes it harder.
We haven't been on a date since Preston was born (5.5 months ago). I miss traveling and doing things on the fly but I wouldn't trade him in for ANYTHING! Being a parent is the most amazing thing in the world!
I think having kids and when you have kids is a hugely personal decision. My DH and I were married at 33 and had our first at 34. We tried right away because we wanted more than one and our age was a factor.
For me, if I'd been married in my twenties, I would have TOTALLY waited and enjoyed my DINK status for a while. I envy my friends who enjoyed married life for years before considering kids. BUT - that's me. Some people don't have that same feeling or pull. I am grateful I had my 20's to travel and be wild and free.
I think no matter when you have your baby, you'll know it was the perfect time because you will be blessed with the baby you were meant to have.
There is no good answer
I'm a pretty big planner. We had financial goals that we wanted to meet before even considering it. Other than that, we waited until we felt ready. For me it just felt like the time. DH wasn't on the same page with me for a few months. But once he felt the same nudge, we started TTC. I built myself up thinking it would take us a year to get pregnant, and I ended up pregnant right in the middle of my CPA exams, which was major suckage - and pushed those back a year.
The thing is. There is never a perfect time. Even when you plan, things will get in the way.
Babies are only as expensive as you make them - and your life will only be as affected as you make it.
Sure, we could have traveled more, had more money, better jobs etc. But I figure, life is always going to get in the way of perfect timing.
Don't listen to everyone saying go go go, wait wait wait. Just go with your gut.
Jaye is right. there is no good answer to this question and every couple is on their own timetable.
We are one of those couples that enjoyed traveling and having fun before baby was a consideration. when we both felt ready I was even a little hesitant not sure if I wanted kids anymore. But after I got my first negative test and I was sad about it I knew i still wanted to be a mom. so we dove in to TTC. We also felt that it would take a few months but it was two years of TTC when we got pregnant. that was after fertility treatments. we also still plan to travel but now we just have a baby we can share things with. We're actually going to New York at the end of May. It will be a first for all of us. no one says you have to stop after having a baby. you just find a way to make it happen if its something you really want.
everyones journey is different but don't let anyone else influence your decision. do whats right for you and your husband.