Holidays
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Splitting the holidays
I know this was somewhat touched on before with splitting holidays between two families, but my husband and I are both from divorced families and actually have to split the holidays between 4 parents in 4 different states (and none of those states are the one we live in). His mom is about 7 hours away, his dad is 6, my mom is 6, and my dad is 8. Last year we did my dad for Thanksgiving, my mom for Christmas, drove 9 hours from her house to his mom's for New Year's and then took a long weekend in January to go see his dad. I'm glad we got to see everyone, but it was not fun driving all over the place. To add to it, 3 of our 4 parents are re-married (everyone except my mom) and I cannot stand the thought of her being alone on Christmas (even though she says she's fine with it and understands). Does anyone else have a similar situation with divorced parents? What are you doing? Part of me just wants to stay at our house for all the holidays (and not go anywhere), but then I still wouldn't get to see my mom because she has some vision problems and can't drive long distances. I just don't know what to do and we have to decide ASAP. Any suggestions would be much appreciated, thanks ladies!!!
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Re: Splitting the holidays
actually have to split the holidays between 4 parents in 4 different states
I get it that some of this is that you do truly want to see everyone. But realize you don't "have" to do anything! If you want to stay home, then stay home! Yes, people will be sad (you included), but everyone will deal.
You and your DH are a family now and you can determine what the two of you want to do and would enjoy. Think about the future - do you plan on having kids? If so, is this really how you want them to spend their holidays? Running all over?
As for your mom, is there any other mode of transportation (Air, bus, train) that would allow her to come to you? I would think about other options because while I FULLY understand you're not wanting her to be alone, I'm sure your DH will sometimes want to see his family ON Christmas (but I would perhaps hope that including your mom wouldn't be a big deal.....). I don't know that it's fair to expect you'll always go to her on that specific holiday.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Actually it is 5 familes. You and your husband are a family too and the most important one.
Look, sometimes you just can't see everyone and that is ok. We can't see my ILs during the winter holidays because they live halfway across the country and with my husband's work schedule it just isn't possible. So we try to make a bigger deal about the other holidays throughout the year like Easter and 4th of July. We still talk to his family on the winter holidays and send gifts and cards but seeing them in person isn't an option. I know they miss us and are sad they can't see us, but they still enjoy their holiday. Just like we still enjoy ours.
Remember put you and your husban's needs first. If you guys don't want to drive all over to see people, then don't. Trust me, they will be sad but overall they will be ok.
ECB is also right about children. I would hate to be in the car that much if I was a kid, so if you are going to stop will all of the traveling, then there is no time like the present.
I would try to make an effort to visit everyone on a regular basis throughout the year. If you go long periods of time without visiting your family then I think it adds pressure to try to see them over the holidays.
Our families are spread out and we have tried really hard to establish a routine for our holiday travels. We go to my grandparents' every Thanksgiving and we alternate visiting my family and his family each Christmas. This Christmas it's H's family's year so we are going to visit them. If my family wants to see us over the holidays then they will have to come visit us. We have already told both sides of our families that once we have kids, we are not traveling on Christmas.
Our famlilies live on opposite sides of the state. In years past, it worked out that Thanksgiving was with his family because my mom had to work anyway (works in a nursing home). And then we'd spend the following weekend with my parents. Then Christmas Eve was with his family, get up, have breakfast with them, and then drive to my parents. But the upcoming holidays are going to be really hard. My dad passed away back in January. I worry about her being alone to sit and cry.
She does have to work this Tday. And she loves to spend time with my MIL. They are also very understanding of how sad my mom is. Plus we're newly married, so we actually got everyone to agree to come to our house the Saturday after Tday and have both families with us.
My family's holiday gatherings are full of traditions so I'm trying to find ways to make new traditions...not to forget my dad but to somehow make it more enjoyable for her, and us.
We do ours this way:
Canadian Thanksgiving with my parents
US Thanksgiving with just us and the kids (his parents are always invited, but they won't travel and I refuse to have the kids at an all you can eat buffet for Thanksgiving...sorry to anyone who does this, its just not my thing).
Winter Solstice with my parents
Christmas with just us and the kids
Between Christmas and New Years we drive 6 hours and visit his family.
New Years we spend with DH's adopted brother and his family.
I know it seems like we aren't seeing the in laws very much, but they won't travel even though we have room for everyone and hotels are a bit expensive for all of us so we do the best we can.