Starting Over
Amy0321
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
**beansngreens***
Someone on TIP had suggested I talk to you. They said you are in a similar situation to me and in the process of leaving. I am not but need to be...
So to make a long story short, my husband has called me out of shape, not attractive, and tries to force me to wear what he wants, look how he wants me to, and do what he wants. The people on TIP have completely open my eyes to the abusiveness of this behavior.
Any advice you have would be greatly appreciated. I am planning on leaving (though probably not immediately as I do not have the means).
Re: **beansngreens***
Ah yes, Kuus sent you to talk to me. I actually knew that would happen as I was reading your post yesterday and thinking how much your H sounds like mine.
I am overweight, though I am proportionate and "carry it well." I know I'm not unattractive. I've had weight and body image issues for as long as I can remember, all the way back to elementary school. When I got to middle school I even developed an eating disorder. My H liked to grab me and say stupid shlt like "what's this?" or "look at this flub." What a peach. Once while he was trying to zip a dress for me, he decided it was a great time to say, "Damn baby, you need to start exercising." This was right before his best friend's wedding and the day before our 1 year anniversary; needless to say I felt like shlt the rest of the day.
My H does other things that yours does, too. Calls my sweatpants that I wear around the house "frumpy." Tells me he's going to burn them. He calls my jeans "mom pants" because they aren't low-rise; I'm curvy and low-rise jeans just do not work for my body. I've got short hair and he tells me I look like Justin Bieber, and once he even told me I have lesbian hair. He's always telling me that he misses my long hair and that I need to grow it out again, though before I cut my hair short he was telling me how much he missed my short hair.
Once he said I looked like Ronald McDonald while I was wearing some hot pink lipstick. Really, H? Because every time I wear it, at least one total stranger tells me that it looks great on me and they love my lipstick.
And these are just some examples. I finally just got to the point where I'm tired of letting him make me feel like shlt all the time. I'm thankful that we've got money saved up (he never spends any money, and he guilts me and talks to me like a child any time I do). I'm going to therapy now, though H was originally against it and thought it was a waste of money. But I can tell you it's the best thing I've ever done for myself. Once I got to the point where I felt I wanted to leave, there was just no going back.
I won't ever be able to forgive him for putting me through all of that. And why should I? I can't tell you the number of conversations we had- me crying, him sobbing as well- where I told him that those things can not continue and that I didn't want to be in a relationship like that for the rest of my life. Then it would be only a few days or weeks before things were right back to the way they were. And that's on him, not me.
Well, sorry if I rambled. I just wanted to give you an idea of the dovche I married. Please understand that your H is not going to change. The way he treats you, what he thinks of you, is his personality. But you will find somebody that loves you and thinks you are beautiful exactly the way you are. Please don't settle for this _ass.