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It is always dead on weekends.... my life feels like a trainwreck
I am having a really hard time. Some of you know my parents are happily married. Mom basically refuses to have anything to do with my until I lead my life exactly the way she wants me to. I am in counseling which helps me keep in perspective that it is my life and she doesn't get to run it anymore. Dad has done his best to stay neutral. I sympathize with him because no one wants to have to decide betwwen his wife and his daughter. My parents have helped me invest some money for years. (Not very adult on my part, but it has been fine up until now.) Usually DH and I have our own money that we manage. If we need to dip into invesments here and there it is no big deal. I ask for money and I get money. The whole thing started because I came into money as a young child from a malpractice lawsuit. I was too young to manage the money myself at the time. I have never taken it over because it was never an issue until now.
Lately, DH and I need more money than usual because I am unemployed and he mkes very little money. We are both attempting to get jobs. (I will take any job and DH agrees he needs a better paying job.) Now my dad asked for a rough estimate of expenses so we could figure out what we need for the month. I didn't want to give it to him since I really do not want to argue about every piece of gum we buy. Relunctantly, I gave it to him. He criticised it and said he would only give me money if I changed 9,276 things in the budget. I realize if I can't manage the money myself, I need a third party to do it who is not a relative. I don't even want this money even if I am entitled to it if it comes with strings attached.
Did I mention my trainwreck friend with the husband who has cheated at least twice just had her second baby? Did I mention she is living at home because she can't afford to feed child number one on her own? She "doesn't let me" complain about not having kids since we are not actively TTC. We are trying to do the responsible thing of waiting until we can afford to have a child before we persue having/adopting one. I don't even need advice. I know. Get a job. If needed get a third party to help with the money. Ignore my friend's ridiculousness (including the fact that she is still with her serial cheater husband.) I feel better just venting.
Re: It is always dead on weekends.... my life feels like a trainwreck
If the money was yours because of malpractice and you are over 21...WHY is your father still handling your money?
take control of those accounts that have YOUR money in them. im sure it will be gone very quickly but it is your money to lose.
you arent actively TTC? i hope that sure as hell means you are actively trying NOT to. you are trying to be responsible? WTF does that mean?
what does your friend have to do with your money problems?
It sounds like your parents still treat you like a child. They're using their management of your investments to manipulate you and control you. Yes, clearly, you need someone else to manage that money, someone who will act professionally.
It also sounds like you really need to limit contact with your parents. On top of being manipulative, they seem judgmental and rude. Why are they so critical of you? Is it that they think you're irresponsible or financially immature?
If that money is yours, it's time to take it over whether you get a job or not. Ask your dad for investment advice if you wish, but you know that comes with consequences. Not knowing how much it is or any other details, I would probably put in in some sort of managed fund with Vanguard or Fidelity. It shouldn't be a huge hassle. Just do some research on fees and returns and such.
this. I'm sorry u are going through this.
Is the money actually in your name, do you even know? Is it really your money, or was it awarded to your parents on your behalf?
I think it's time to tell your dad that it is your money, and therefore it is none of his business how you spend it. And that you are going to be managing it yourself from now on. If it is in your name, all you need is to know what financial institution it is held at to gain control of it. You should not be asking your dad any questions about this money because it is yours. You should be telling him that it's time for him to hand control over.
The money is in my name. I know it is time to start managing it ourselves. Mom is known to be judgemental and rude. Not so much dad but he is starting to act the way my mom acts. (Not surprising since they are married) We cannot have children naturally and are obviously not looking to adopt unless/until finances and jobs etc get straightened out. We desperately want children but that doesn't make it a good idea. My friend has nothing to do with our financial problems except that when things were going well we "lent" them a lot of money. I try to use the theory don't lend money that you expect to see again. I knew we wouldn't see the money again at the time, but I can admit I resent that now. The money would be really nice. It pisses me off that she is popping out another kid that she can't afford. We would have financial issues whether or not we had lent this money. I realize that.
then do it! if its your money than manage it yourself, get it and control it, and your parents dont need to know anything about it or your finances.
how old are the two of you?
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Money is in a trust which is why my parents could legally control it. I could have taken control of it years ago but never did since it wasn't an issue. I know I could get them to sign control over to me which I haven't done. Ideally, it will be done by agreement of the parties involved and not by me taking my parents to court.
We are fine with birth control. TYVM. I am the first to admit babies don't fix things. (especially financial things) Wanting a baby and being able to support one are two different things. I get it. The whole thing with my friend's second child with an asshat is just hard to handle right now. I get that her second child was irresponsible as my first child would be if I had one now.
I am slow to the take with the controlling parents thing. A few months ago I was talking to my older brother about their "new, controlling ways." He basically asked me what world I live in that I hadn't noticed that they have always been this way. Okay... so he is right. You all are right too. I need to get control of the money. I would still like to do it with agreement from the parties involved if possible. I also know, though, that if we agreed we would not be having these issues. Basically I thought I had this amazing relationship with my parents before things went to shyt with my mom. I am now realizing what I thought I once had never really existed. I just used to do what they wanted and convince myself it was what I wanted too.
Good for you for realizing this. I imagine that it must be pretty painful for you, but it sounds like an important realization. I hope you're able to get out from under this and gain control over not just your money, but feel like you've gained control over your autonomy.