Trouble in Paradise
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What is worse?

Is it worse if your husband cheats on you with:

a woman with whom he has been attracted to in the past but never slept with before you got together

or

a complete random stranger?


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Re: What is worse?

  • Cheating is cheating, it doesn't matter who it was with.  You get that, right?

    This is my siggy.
  • This is like asking "is it worse to break your leg falling off a building or in an automobile accident?"

    Either way, your leg is broken.

     

  • ok, ok - OBViously it sucks either way.  I get that.  But what do you think is worse?  Planning/imagining it happening before it actually happens, or just randomly getting drunk, meeting someone in a bar and making a bad decision?
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  • I think they're equally bad.  Yes, one may have involved planning, but in both cases he could've made a decision not to proceed, no matter what his d!ck said.  I don't think drunk is an excuse for cheating.
  • Well, then, I supposed pre-meditated cheating is worse.
  • imagesmock.smock:
    Well, then, I supposed pre-meditated cheating is worse.

    Either way, I would believe the cheating to be pre-meditated. I mean, those things don't just happen. He would have to be thinking about it and wanting it before he actually saw the opportunity and made the decision to go outside the marriage.

  • it doesnt make one bit of difference cheating is cheating....there is no way that is less offensive.

    a man sticking his poker in someone else is cheating, whether he knew her before or not.



  • Cheating is cheating. It sucks either way. I just think that the person doing it is even MORE of a douchecanoe if they PLAN to cheat on their spouse. Then again, I think that even the getting drunk and boinking someone else thing is never truly an accident.
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  • Thinking about it some more, I could see how the pre-meditated cheating could feel worse, because this is someone he knew before.  It could lead to imagining all kinds of things about what your relationship has meant.

    So which did your husband do? 

  • Both! Cheating is cheating.  In fact, isn't all cheating somewhat pre-meditated? Unless he's using the whole I tripped and my penis fell in her vag excuse. Huh?
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  • You know, I'd almost rather my H give thought and consideration to the gravity of trashing our vows and ruining the life we've built together by way of forethought rather than wantonly tossing it all away on an irresponsible drunken whim.

    Though it's pretty much giant douche vs sh*t sandwich.

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  • I don't think in matters.  I would be equally angry either way. Cheating is cheating.
    "You cannot protect yourself from sadness without protecting yourself from happiness."
  • imageJessimau:
    I think they're equally bad.  Yes, one may have involved planning, but in both cases he could've made a decision not to proceed, no matter what his d!ck said.  I don't think drunk is an excuse for cheating.

     

    This, 110%. Both involved forethought. In both situations, he "knew" he was going to cheat, but in one he knew ahead of time with whom. I can't see any way either of these is worse than the other; that implies one is better than the other.

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  • Both are horrible, but I think physical cheating mixed in with emotional is worse than the physical without the emotional.

     

    Both make the guy a douche, but I *might* (I said might) be able to get past a one time physical thing (with a ton of counseling and hard work on both sides). But I would never be able to get past it if it included emotional cheating as well. 

  • I would have a hard time feeling betrayed by someone I knew (neighbor vs. only H).  I also would have a hard time getting the mental pictures out of my mind if the affair was with someone I knew vs. a random stranger.

     

    image "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self esteem, first make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by assholes.
  • I wouldn't care to find out which it was.  I wouldn't have time to anyway, I'd be too busy drafting the complaint for divorce.
  • The only way it could ever be worse is with my mother.

  • Being drunk isn't an excuse.  Both situations are equally as bad.  You don't get a pass for being drunk and having poor judgement.  Drunk cheating without knowing the person first is equally as bad as premeditated cheating without alcohol.  Both show poor judgement and character.

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  • Thinking about it more, I don't think that I could get over my husband being so easily swayed by another woman while drunk.  That would lead me to believe that it would be easy for him to do again and again.

     

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  • The person he knows is worse, but I doubt the marriage is surviving either way.
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