Starting Over
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Am I overreacting?!?
Ive been dating a guy close to 4 months and things have been really great. My roommate from law school has her baby shower this weekend. It is an hour away but its co-ed. Last night when BF and I were discussing our weeks, I said you should come with me to the shower. He said as much as I'd love to hang out with you, Ill pass.
This triggered something in me as I used to have to beg my EXH to attend things. I dont want to force someone to go to things but I feel like he should want to. I went home and simmered on our talk and called him to tell him it really bothered me. He said he was probably being selfish but something about it still is leaving me unsettled. Am I just pulling my EXH activities into this!?!? Help!
Re: Am I overreacting?!?
Yes. Unless this starts happening with everything, let it go. Baby showers suck
What man wants to go to a baby shower, with a bunch of people he does not know, in a town an hour away? Even the best guy in the world would pass on that.
If it was something like your grandparents 50th wedding anniversary or something then yeah he should want to go and I would be mad if he was not willing to. But in this case I don't think its a big deal and it does seem like your old wounds are coming into play here.
I wouldn't want to go to a baby shower of someone I don't know with someone I had been dating for 4 months, either.
I think you're reading into it and should definitely let it go. Dude wants to spend time with you, but NOT making fake diapers out of toilet paper or guessing how big around the expecting mother is.
I agree with everyone else. My X never went to thing with me, so I get where you are coming from, but it is a baby shower.
My BF would not WANT to go to a baby shower, but if it was important to me he would go without a fight. Is it really the IMPOTANT to you that he go to this event? I am thinking it isn't. I wouldn't worry too much about it.
Yes, you are overreacting. No man wants to go to baby shower, let alone one over an hour away where he will know no one. It's just an afternoon, I wouldn't stress about him not wanting to go.
If you told him you were going to a friend's birthday party 10 minutes away, complete with kegs and video games and he still didn't want to go with you, then maybe I'd worry.
This! Baby showers are traditionally a female-only things, so I think most guys wouldn't want to go to one.
Dude baby showers suck. I'd be way too embarrassed to even ask someone I was dating to attend a baby shower with me. This honestly reminds me of something Kate Hudson would have done to try and ger Matthew McConnaughay's character to break up with her in "How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days."
Ok maybe I need to clarify it's a co-ed baby shower with no baby games, kegs, a band, etc. Its basically a party with no opening of gifts even. So its more a party I saw as an opportunity to meet a lot of my law school friends.
And yes Im not a fan of baby showers either! But a lot of my friends are going to be there that want to meet him and that live in that area OC (and Im in LA now)
Wow, that's my kind of baby shower. Did you make sure he knew all of these details? If it's really that important to you, he should make an effort to go.
Exactly. Its not a typical co ed baby shower even. Its more of an excuse for a party. He did know the details
Did he say why he didn't want to go?
He said he didnt want to and "waste" his day essentially. Which I get. I dont want to go to a baby shower either but its more like a party and I thought he would want to meet my friends since they are all going to be in one place
I don't think your new information changes my initial opinion which is that you're overreacting. I don't like to attend events that are in celebration of people I don't know even if the event itself has fun activities so I can understand where he is coming from. You can't punish new guy for things that old guy did to you -- if you do, you'll never give your new relationship a chance at success.
I would let it go. Of course, if he starts to make a habit of not attending events with you then that's a different story.
Also, I wonder why you asked him to attend if you're weren't really willing to accept no for an answer.
See this makes me feel a little differently. My BF of 6 months would go with me under those circumstances. Plus, if I said I wanted him to meet some of my friends he would be on board.
Saying it is a waste would be slightly hurtful.
ETA: I keep waffling... I am thinking the fact that I have had similar past experiences with a SO not wanting to go places makes me question this more. I would let it go this time. If it happens again then be on alert.
If you don't want to go, then why would you expect him to want to go? You "get" his reason for not wanting to go, so drop it.
If he keeps not wanting to go to things, that's a different story. But for now, stop beating a dead horse.
Yes, you are. Even after your new information, you still are. You've only been dating for 4 months. Let it go.
Exclusive talk-1 month in
BF/GF talk-2 1/2 months in
Ive met almost all his friends and he recently asked me to meet his parents. Im from OC so its harder for me to get him to meet my friends all at one time so I figured this would be a good way. All my friends have kids now so if its not a baby shower its a 1 year old bday party or something when everyone gets together.
I still think it's over reacting. If from the beginning you sold it to him as a get together, reason to party situation and he said he didn't want to waste his day then fine, your feelings should be hurt a little. But come on, even if it's just an excuse to get together, there's obviously going to be acknowledgement of the baby on the way. Also, he may feel even more awkward if you're going to be surrounded by married/parents, etc and you two are a new couple.
I'd drop it.
I detest showers of any type. I didn't even want to go to my own sister's shower for my niece so, yeah. I don't blame the man at all for not wanting to go the shower of people he doesn't know after only 4 months of dating you.
Stop making him pay for your Ex's mistakes.
Yeah, that sounds SSOOOO boring.
I'm sure most men would run away from such an event. haha.
Why don't you just go and have fun. I'm sure that it's nothing personal towards you.
I think you are. As much as I lie H attending events with me, somethings (baby showers) shouldn't be co-ed.
I hate going to those things so I would ever drag a SO to one.
Did he say he didn't want to waste his day, or is that your paraphrasing of what he said?
Seriously, I cannot think of anything more boring than going out of town with someone I'm not really in a deep relations with, to go to a baby shower for one of her law school friends. And the idea that other law school friends will be there does not make it any more attractive, trust me. I've been to law school; the parties suck. You're overreacting; you're over-expecting, and you're wrong to be blaming him for not wanting to be glued to your hip this weekend. And, you're tarring him with someone else's brush, to boot.
I have so little free time; that if I had a free Saturday, I would HATE spending it going to a shower for someone I didn't know, where I would know only one person. I'd kill to spend it at home catching up on laundry, shopping, bill paying, writing letters, reading a book, etc. Let this go.