Trouble in Paradise
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s/o Weight gain
How would you respond if your SO/DH gained a significant amount of weight? Say, something on the order of 50-100 pounds. Would you bring it up, and if so, what would you say?
I'd definitely mention something, because H has been a thin guy the whole time I've known him, so of course I'd be concerned about his health if he suddenly gained a significant amount of weight. Plus, I don't think I'm super shallow or anything, but if he went from 6'0, 150 pounds to 6'0, 250 pounds I'm not sure I would be physically attracted to him.
Re: s/o Weight gain
I'm not really sure, I think that somewhere along the line when I noticed things weren't right with him that I would bring it up. Probably not in a "you're gaining weight - wtf? I'm not attracted to you" kind of way, but in a - you're not the same and something seems to be happening that is altering your lifestyle. What's going on?
Now if my SO didn't want to take care of himself, that'd be another story.
NO, I WEIGH HIM EVERY MORNING AND ONLY FEED HIM IF HE KEEPS BELOW 150!
That is a good point, especially since weight gain is usually gradual. I'm not expecting him to have the body of a 28 year old for the rest of his life, of course, because everyone gets a little squishy with age.
I will report back in 30 years with my findings.
I'd be concerned that there was something wrong with him.
I basically know what he eats every day, so he would have to be doing some MAJOR secret eating to gain 50-100 lbs or it would have to be a serious health issue.
Also, how long does it take to gain 50 lbs? Surely you'd notice by 20 lbs that something was up?
I would definitely lose physical attraction on some level if he gained that much weight.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
We've actually have this exact problem.
During my pregnancy, I gained 23 lbs (started at 170, ended at 193). H gained 40 lbs (started at 180 ended at 220). My weight fluxuates between 170-175 lbs, which is the high end of the healthy range for my height and build. I could stand to lose 10 lbs.
His doctor has told him he needs to lose weight. He failed a screening at work (discount on medical insurance costs if you meet certain medical parameters) because of his weight. He b!tches about his weight all.the.time. As in, multiple times in an hour.
He knows what he needs to do. He is just addicted to the drive-thru. As an attempt, we decided to assign duties. I take care of Aaron when we get home and he makes dinner. I get stuff out the night prior so it thaws in time. Every day, without fail... something comes up. He has to do bills, he has a headache, the grass needs mowed, etc. Next thing you know, it's 8 pm and I'm getting Aaron ready for bed. So he gets take out.
We switched duties. He handles Aaron and I cook dinner. Again, something comes up and I have to tend to Aaron while he does whatever. I haven't quite mastered cooking a meal while juggling an overtired baby desperate for a nap. And again, it's after 8 pm until he's done with whatever Earth-shattering thing that just couldn't wait.
It's infuriating in more than one way.
And yes, this is new. We used to cook every.single.night. He enjoys cooking. He's just gotten lazy. He shaves like once every 2 or 3 months. He doesn't cut his hair until I whip out the buzzer and do it myself (he just shaves it since there isn't much left).
Obviously he's having more than a simple weight issue. He is under the care of a psychiatrist and a psychologist. I'll likely be tacking a dietician on to that list.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
If it wasn't depression-related or brought upon by some type of illness, it would probably take me a while to notice because he's already a hefty guy.
I can't see myself not being attracted to him anymore if he changed physically, unless it had to do with hygiene.
It's hard for me to answer this, though, because I like fat dudes.
Mr. Kuus was skinny when I met him, like, chiseled facial bones skinny. He gained 60 pounds over the first three years or so that we dated. There was nothing wrong - it was just the difference between a teenage boy with a teenage boy metabolism who dug graves for extra cash, and a man in his twenties who works at a desk. No depression, nothing like that. It was just life and circumstances, no real cause for alarm.
I really look sideways at some of you who are so hell-bent on making what is inherently transient (like looks and shape) into something permanent. You're fighting a losing battle, and you're placing really high stakes on it.
Well, schit... didn't I just jack the thread and make it my own issue? Whoops.
And I have to head into a meeting too, so I'm doing the post and run for about an hour.
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
BF actually mentioned that he wanted to start working out with me because he's noticed that he'd gained about 12 lbs.
TBH, I hadn't really noticed. But if it got to point where it was like a 30 lb gain, I'd bring it up and see if there was an underlying cause for packin' on that many lbs.
I'm hoping that my okayness with a 50 year old scrotum makes up for my fatty hate?
??
My husband has gained weight since we met, probably 20 lbs or so. He stopped playing cricket and started eating better. He's got a pot belly, I like it, I poke it. But, he cycles every weekend for 18 miles weather permitting and he likes to eat healthy and he's not a seething mass of self-hatred and depression so the pot belly is ok.
60 more lbs and a seeting mass of self-hatred, I'm not so into that, sorry. I will help him get through whatever makes this happen, but I'm not going to pretend that he's physically attractive if he isn't.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
DH gained about 100 lbs over the years since we started dating. He carries his weight well and he doesn't look like he's gained that much weight. I have brought it up because I have been worried about his health. Most of it came from when he went from a very physically demanding position to a supervisory position. He had horrible eating habits before, but he burned enough calories to make up for it. Plus he is getting older and doesn't have the metabolism of a teenage boy.
He would say he was going to try to eat healthier and exercise, but he has really struggled with it. It wasn't until a doctor's appointment where he was diagnosed with high blood pressure and high cholesterol where he really realized it was a problem. He's kept off about 30 lbs so far. He keeps losing more, but gaining it back. The biggest issue for him was eating crap when he would go on lunch at work. He ended up telling his coworkers about his diet and they have been getting on his case. A few of them go to the gym with him too.
Physically I am still attracted to him. I've always liked really tall heavier set men. But I'd rather have someone thinner who is not going to die.
I agree with this. I don't think you notice over time. It's just something you seem to wake up and see one day, kwim?
I think I would mention it to mr man and he to I but knowing us, we'd have mentioned it to each other first. We talk about weight gain now. Well, not necessarily at this moment but I do come home from the doctor and tell him his fat ass wife has only gained 5lbs this month, weehoo.
He gained some weight between deployments and I honestly hadn't noticed. He did though after seeing a picture of himself and not recognizing the dude with the (non-existant) gut.
So I guess what I'm saying is before either of us would think to mention it, we would have noticed ourselves. H noticed his belly pudge and said he wanted to eat better and stuff. I noticed he meant it so I started cooking better for him and bought less junk. I imagine it will go vice versa once I pop this kid and start whining about my pudgy ass.
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I gather you mean prematurely due to health reasons.
I do think it's odd to lose all or most of your physical attraction for your so just because of something as natural as weight gain. Our bodies change as we age or when we adjust lifestyles or what have you. To be all, dude, you're 50lbs heavier so I want to fuuk someone else IS shallow.
But I think it's normal for straight physical attraction to ebb and flow and I think different circumstances in life might make you less inclined towards that immediate, OMG he's so HAWT attraction you had when you first met.
Plus, I think it's the natural of attraction within a relationship to shift and become deeper and more meaningful over time.
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No.
But I really don't think not wanting your significant other to gain over 50 lbs is shallow.
This woman is miserable.
And fat.
It's not a happy combination. And as I've just said in your thread, I really don't think there is anything to gain from assuming the husband is just a jerkoff.
He could be, or he could be awesome, but her perspective is so fuucked that we'll never know.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
You have a way of saying what I'm trying and failing to say.
It's like, when you first meet and start dating the guy, you're attracted to him because he looks like your type. When you've been together for a bajillion years, you're attracted to him because he looks like himself.
thanks! lol
Or because he has a way of looking at you that makes you feel all pretty inside even when you feel gross. Or because he brought you a cupcake (and contributed to your fat assness lolol) Or because of how he made your daughter feel better about her newly sprouted boobies.
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Well, YES, but if you think I'm not gonna pour one out for Nigel's athlete's ass when it finally is on permanent snowbird status (i.e. gone south not just for the winter) you're crazy! And I'm quite ok if he feels the same way about my breasts. We ARE aging, us. My husband is 50 yo, he's changing, so am I, we're all good with the NORMAL physical changes of life.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Yeah, HS hit the nail on the head with this one.
But, being a concerned spouse, before just telling him you thought he was unattractive, wouldn't you look into the reason why he gained so much weight?
Sudden or even progressive weight gain, in large amounts, can mean all kinds of things.
And I would hope that my partner, who loves me, would delve a bit deeper before telling me I was too fat for him to fuuck.
At minimum, I'd like to think he'd be all honey, I'm really worried about you and not, welp, I no longer find you fuukable and I won't be banging you until you fix that.
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