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**JustTheWayYouAre***
Since our situations seem to be very similar, I wanted to ask you some questions...
Have you already told your H that you want to separate after the holidays? Or are you waiting until then to tell him? Does he know that you want to/are going to counseling?
I first brought up separating back in June, but it was just mentioned, not really discussed. We talked again in September and I talked more about separating and left the discussion with the expectation that I will let him know if that's what I decide I want (he wants to work on our marriage- I don't see it as being saved). I am debating on telling him now and having us use the next 2 months to discuss things (who goes where, who wants/gets what, custody of the girls...) but I wonder if that'll just ruin the holidays for all of us (which I don't want). Or just holding on a little longer and telling him afterwards, like you had said in your post.. one last family Christmas with the girls knowing nothing is amiss.
Anyway... he doesn't know I'm going to a counselor at the end of the month. I may or may not tell him, I'm not sure yet. However, I figure I have 3 free appointments starting November 30th so with the holidays in there, I should be done by the New Year or shortly after. So the timing for me should work out pretty well.
Our Angel baby, lost at 6w6d on 6/10/08
Re: **JustTheWayYouAre***
I haven't flat out told him, just more or less implied it? Back in like mid-September I hit a wall (metaphorically not physically) and told him that I wanted a divorce that I was just done and couldn't keep doing this anymore. He took it very hard/acted all surprised and started putting in more effort. Since then I have still seen some effort on his part but I feel like I have already mentally/emotionally checked out and that it's too little too late. KWIM?
I had told him I was going to look into counseling for myself but I haven't talked to him about any of my research into it or anything like that. He has refused FLAT OUT to go to counseling so I am not even asking him to go with me anymore this is just for myself and my own well being. Once I find a therapist and have my first appointment I will tell him for sure.
I probably won't tell him until after the holidays, like you said I dont want it to ruin for everyone. If I know that it is our last Christmas together that is fine I dont want everyone else to have that on their mind too. I'm already prepared for it b/c I thought that last year was going to be our last Christmas together.
Also we both have to live in our house until at least February or we owe the government $8k. And this way after the holidays we can start figuring out the logistics of custody etc. I would really like to NOT have to uproot my oldest daughter in the middle of the school year. She is in Kindergarten so its an adjustment for her anyway.
I am more or less planning on using the remainder of this year for getting my own head clear and organizing my thoughts/plans. That way when I DO tell him I will have some sort of game plan and he can either go with it or we can change it to make it work. I know he is going to be hearbroken I just hope he doesn't fight me on too much b/c I do not want to put our girls through that.