Speaking of etiquette

Dr.Loretta

We're spending Thanksgiving with DH's family in central PA. His aunt and uncle run a Christian youth camp, so they have room to host and cook for dozens of people for the weekend.

Today I got mail from the hosts. Included in it were: a best wishes card for our new house, a piece of paper noting what time Thanksgiving dinner was, a mention that oh by the way we're also celebrating their middle child's college graduation (so now I guess we have to get a gift), and their oldest child will be holding a fundraiser during Thanksgiving to raise $ to adopt their second child.

Looks like it's going to be a busy day.

Rock-n-Voll

Umm...I'm really not sure what to say.

The thing that sticks out most to me is that it seems very odd to be fundraising to adopt a child.  

Dr.Loretta

Rock-n-Voll:

The thing that sticks out most to me is that it seems very odd to be fundraising to adopt a child.  

Not really. It's actually pretty common to do so, because your average domestic infant adoption can cost in the tens of thousands. There are sites with grants, fundraising ideas, low interest loans, etc.

That particular situation has grated me for a while. This is the same couple who put their (3) registry cards in their wedding invite. Sent a letter out to all their friends and family detailing how much their first adoption cost and flat-out asked for $. Had a wishing well at their kid's shower to help defray said adoption costs. And sent his amazon wishlist to all of us for his first birthday along with our invite.

Not to mention they don't have a ton of $, so we gave them a ton of furniture we weren't using. We didn't get so much as a TY from them until a year later. And it came as a footnote to the TY for their son's shower gift. DH is still bitter about that one.

While I realize having the whole family together might be a good time to get them to order stuff, it feels icky to me to be almost forced into a sales pitch at Thanksgiving.

Rock-n-Voll

Dr.Loretta:

Rock-n-Voll:

The thing that sticks out most to me is that it seems very odd to be fundraising to adopt a child.  

Not really. It's actually pretty common to do so, because your average domestic infant adoption can cost in the tens of thousands. There are sites with grants, fundraising ideas, low interest loans, etc.

While I realize having the whole family together might be a good time to get them to order stuff, it feels icky to me to be almost forced into a sales pitch at Thanksgiving.

Most definitely in terms of the bolded stuff.

You'll have to educate me on adoption fundraising.  I get that it's super expensive to do, but I still can't get my head around the idea that it's common practice to ask people to help fund bringing a child into your life.  This is something I'm completely ignorant about, clearly, but something just seems--I don't know, "off"--to me about fundraising for personal gain I guess.

I hope I'm not offending you.  I really do want to learn and am trying to be honest.  I don't really know why this instinctively kind of rubs me the wrong way.

Dr.Loretta

Rock-n-Voll:

You'll have to educate me on adoption fundraising.  I get that it's super expensive to do, but I still can't get my head around the idea that it's common practice to ask people to help fund bringing a child into your life.  This is something I'm completely ignorant about, clearly, but something just seems--I don't know, "off"--to me about fundraising for personal gain I guess.

I hope I'm not offending you.  I really do want to learn and am trying to be honest.  I don't really know why this instinctively kind of rubs me the wrong way.

You're not offending me, but we didn't do fundraisers. And they're not necessarily common practice. There are adoption-related grants, people run up their CC, take out HELOC or other types of loans, raid their 401(k), take on a second job, or even have family just give them $ unsolicited for the purpose of adoption. Or just happen to have several thousand dollars they had saved up.

I guess you could sort of compare it to a fundraiser for someone who has an illness, where they can afford to cover their mortgage and get through the month, but need help with their medical bills. Or even a raffle intended to raise money for building improvements for a non-profit. I'm trying to find reasonable analogies.

These are also religious people, a minister and his wife. Who have sent out letters asking for $ to help them travel to foreign countries to do mission work and the like. I think to them, adopting a child is a similar calling, and it doesn't seem out of place to ask "a village" to not only help raise a child, but get that child to them in the first place.

HTH