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Holy Sh*t what kind of mess have I gotten myself into
Well after discussions with the new boyfriend I see that I am probably going to have to figure out a way to break it off. After a bit of probing I have discovered that his house is in foreclousure and he some how thinks he is going to manage to get it refinanced. However, I don't see that happening considering he told me he is currently broke despite having not made a house payment for 10 months. In addition to being broke he owes his wife alimony and child support and despite the fact that his buisiness is not making much income he has promised to pay both his children's college education (18 & 15 year olds). His financial situation is stressing me out big time. He owns a home design and construction business which is clearly a bad business to be in right now. He does have a graduate degree so maybe if he has half a brain he will start looking for a regular 8-5 job. He has talked already about marriage and having another child in the near future and I have no idea how he plans to accomplish that with no money or home. WTF. I seriously can't deal with this right now. Does he think I am going to work and support him while he stays at home with the kids?
Re: Holy Sh*t what kind of mess have I gotten myself into
Holy trainwreck.
How long have you been divorced/separated?
How long have you been with him? I can't recall your backstory.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
Achase, her backstory is that (fairly recently) her STBXH suddenly left her and moved in with his "plastic" girlfriend. She talked repeatedly about how she didn't understand how he could abandon her and her young child. She posted about being enraged with him and wanting to go to the gun range to release her about it. But she is in a relationship with a new guy and is already talking about getting serious with him (i.e. making babies and getting married). We all posted about how this was a trainwreck waiting to happen because she CLEARLY wasn't over her STBXH and needed to heal from the pain of her recently ended relationship.
Diamonds, I feel ya and I am rooting for you. But from day one I told you this was a trainwreck. I hate to say it but.......
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I don't want to say "we told you so" but...we did. This is why it is so important to be single for a bit after your divorce. You need to be able to see every situation you get into with a clear perspective and not just rush into the arms of the first man who comes along to fill a void. We should have added the bolded part as an addendum to your post asking "Why does everyone tell me not to get into a relationship right after XH broke my heart?"
I'm sorry you're dealing with this situation. For the sake of yourself and your DC, move on from this man!
Yup, that's what I thought. I just wanted to make sure before I jumped to conclusions.
OP, honestly, you get no sympathy from me. We all said you weren't ready to date/get serious yet and you didn't listen. I imagine you were buying into the whole serious relationship talk and you didn't even realize the mess you could have potentially been getting yourself into.
This is why it's important to HEAL before you jump into the sack with someone else. When you are fresh out of a marriage you're not as skilled at sniffing out the douche (I say this because I've been there too). When you've taken some time for yourself, reflected about what went wrong, and done some self work you can stand on your own two feet and pick someone who is going to enhance your life as opposed to add to the drama and chaos. Obviously you know which category he falls into.
I wasn't married. I was engaged. My Fi dumped me in July and left me single with my year and a half old. He immediately (probably already was) seeing his younger coworker. I met this new guy a few months later so it was super quick. He is handsome and kind and wonderful but I just don't think I can deal with his financial train wreck..
My apologies. He was your XFI not your STBHX. I got THAT PART of your details wrong. Everything else I am pretty on target with.
Listen, I don't give a damnn if this man can shiit gold bricks. YOU ARE NOT READY TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP. Do youself and, more importantly, your DC a favor and heal on your own. You DO NOT need a man to help you heal.
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
I'm sorry but HIS trainwreck?!?! ::head desk::
Move on. Be kind to yourself.
His story is more common than you think. Thank the wonderful economy for putting many good people in financial disaster.
BTW, you are in no emotional shape to date anybody. Wow...there is NO RUSH. Call a moratorium on dating for a good long while --- you have a small child so this makes everything all the more sensitive.
I say call it quits on dating for a good year. Right now, not dating is a great idea.
Well although my relationship didn't work out. I am not in a financial mess. So I don't know who is worse off but I can see that we are probably not a very good combo.
If he did this, he probably wouldn't be in a financial mess
Oh, he's handsome and kind. Ok, well, forget what I said then. Have fun with that one!
No, but you are an emotional mess! And yes I say that in a very loving SO kind of way....
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
WAY too early to be talking marriage!!!!
Do yourself a favor: say goodbye...and like I said, moratorium on dating for a good year.
There is a small child involved. YOu need to procede SLOWLY when kids are involved. By rights that child sholdn't have "met" the BF for at least a good 8 months.
Ok good, let's start with that. You need to become more self aware. While you may not be in financial straits like he is, you are a mother who owes it to herself and her child to be emotionally stable. Shacking up with someone (regardless of financial stability) right now is a bad idea.
Counseling, NOW. I think you're already in counseling so I'd find a new one who will tell you that dating so soon is a bad idea. Stop dating until you get yourself together emotionally (i.e. you're no longer angry and enraged and fittering around shooting ranges in your free time). Not that there's anything wrong with shooting ranges, I just don't think YOU should be going to one.
Remember when I said that whatever would date you in the state you're in now, you wouldn't want?
Yeah. Just call me your oracle and sh*t.
It would probably cost him a good grand a month to pay for health insurance for himself and the 2 kiddoes. Where's he going to get that kind of money?
this! post haste!
In her case can we say "solo onward and upward"??
3/12 5 mi -- 49:22 Pace: 9:52
5/1 Half Marathon -- 2:11:22 Pace: 10:01
5/22 10k -- 56:29 Pace: 9:00
5/24 3.6 -- 29:03 Pace: 8:18
7/10 15k -- 1:44:46 injured Pace: 11:14
10/29 5k -- 28:24 Pace: 9:04
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
You haven't gotten yourself into anything. You do realize that, don't you?
It's not like you married this guy. He's just a BF. Stop being stupid.
Diamonds-- bail. Get counseling for yourself and stay single for pete's sake. You are not doing yourself any favors. Take some time to just be and get to know yourself again.
You are absolutely right not to take on this man's financial situation. You are not in any position to join forces with a man right now. This one just happens to have a particularly bad situation financially. Its just not the right time and you should save yourself a lot of heartache.
Good luck.
Please define the term "a few months" for me. You two split up in July, and it's currently November. You met new guy a few months later, which would be ... right around today (4 months and ten days since July 1). So how long were you together before you started talking about marriage and children? And next time, think about having the financial talk before the marriageandbaby talk.
Exactly what do you think you need to figure out? Really, all you need to say is "Sorry, this isn't working out." What's stopping you?
Not related, but I read this to myself like a Dr.Seuss Book. I love rhymes.