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I have a MIL issue too

BotanicalBliss' story made me think it's time to share a MIL story of my own.

So about 3 months ago, in early/mid August, MIL sold her condo.  I don't know if she didn't think the sale was going to go through or what, but she was totally unprepared and had no where to move to.  She put her stuff in a storage unit and acted like it was no big deal, she'd find a place, so we weren't too concerned.  Come to find out, she was literally homeless for about a week.  She works nights as a nurse, so during the day she was crashing on couches at the hospital or sleeping in her car.  When DH and I found out, I insisted she stay with us until she found a place.  I was thinking this would be a few weeks tops. 

Fast forward 3 months - she's still staying at our place!  And doesn't appear to have plans to move out any time soon!!!  This wouldn't be so bad if we had an extra bedroom, but we're in a tiny apartment and she's sleeping on our futon in the living room.  It's not a huge inconvenience, because generally she comes home after I leave for work in the morning and is gone again by the time I come home at night.  She doesn't eat our food, does all her own laundry, and leaves virtually no possessions lying around (she keeps all her stuff in her car).  But on weekends it sucks because I feel like I need to stay in my bedroom and keep quite so she can sleep during the day.  And on the days when she doesn't work, she's parked on our futon preventing me from watching TV.  Then she falls asleep super early and I feel like I have to keep the lights off, be as quite as possible, etc.

I feel bad because I think she's going through a bit of a mid-life crisis and doesn't know what she wants to do next.  And I feel like that's what family is for - to help you out when you need it.  She's always been generous with us and I know she'd let us crash at her place as long as we needed to.  But I just wish there was an end in sight.  I don't think she's even really looking for a new place to live.  I've tried to gently bring it up with her, but I can't get a straight answer.

So that's my story.  Thanks for listening to me vent!  Here's a beer for ya. Beer

Re: I have a MIL issue too

  • That's tough!  I may be a bit spiteful towards my MIL, but I do fully believe in helping the family out.  It's really nice of you to let her stay with you.

    She HAS to know that she can't do this forever.  Maybe you and DH could sit down with her and ask her what her plans are?  If she starts being an issue maybe set a timeline - like you have to be out in 6 months - or something?  That seems harsh, but maybe she doesn't realize how much of an inconvenience it is for you.  I mean, it  must be hard to live your own life with her staying there...

     

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • Wow that's a tough spot to be in and I think it's very understandable to want to know when she's going to be moving into a place of her own.

    Can H talk with her? Maybe all three of you sit down on her day off and just ask her what her plans are and explain that you aren't kicking her out but would like to eventually get back your couch. At some point you may need to be a bit harsher and give her a date but hopefully it won't come to that. I can't imagine she's enjoying living on your couch! Is she in such a bad spot financially that she can't afford her own place right now?

    Good luck!

    Lilypie Second Birthday tickers
  • That sucks that she's still crashing on your couch!  Have you talked to her at all about how long she is planning on staying?  Or to just see what her plans are for the future?

    I hope she gets off your couch soon!

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  • imageBooger+Bear:

    I can't imagine she's enjoying living on your couch! Is she in such a bad spot financially that she can't afford her own place right now?

    Thanks for the support ladies.

    I really don't think it is a financial thing.  She makes really good money and just sold her condo, so unless there's something I don't know about, she should be doing fine.

    I actually think she is perfectly content with the way things are!  I know I wouldn't like sleeping on a couch, but she really seems fine with it.  I can tell she enjoys having me and DH around and has absolutely fallen in love with our cat, who sleeps with her on the futon everyday.  I feel bad that she's obviously lonely, so that's why I haven't pressured her to move out up to this point.  I'm just starting to get concerned about how long this will last.  And with the holidays coming, I'd like to have my futon free in case my mom or siblings want to spend the night sometime. 

    I've asked DH to try and have a gentle talk with her this week and just see what she's thinking.  So hopefully that's all it will take to give her the hint that it's time to move on.  I really don't want to have to get any harsher than that!

  • Wow.  I think you are one of the nicest people ever!

    Also, maybe casually mention something to her about how your mom mentioned staying over a night or two during the holidays.  You were wondering if she could tell her yes or if she would need to find another relative to stay with instead.  She seems like she would be a nice enough person to at least talk to about it.  Good luck!

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  • wow, hope you get your couch back soon...

    sorry she's lonely, but she needs to get out of her comfort zone & move out & start a life of her own again & you guys need your own life too

    hopefully your DH can talk to her, set a timeline

    GL!

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  • Yikes, good luck!  I love my MIL but I doubt I could have her sleeping on my couch for months.  Although to be fair I lived with ILs for about a month after DH (then boyfriend) and I graduated college and had to leave East Lansing because our leases were up.  So I guess I would help out because it would only be fair.
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