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New to this and to lots of things...
Hi everyone!
In the past six months I have graduated from college, got married, and moved for the Midwest to Australia. I'm obviously going through many changes in a short amount of time and could use some general advice from other international nesties.
First, what are some things that you all did in order for you to feel more at home? I currently live with my husband plus his two housemates. We are probably staying in this house for another year due to financial reasons (I want to save to travel back home next year for a couple weddings in July!) and its extremely close to my job and my husband's university. They are wonderful guys and it hasn't been a problem but any tips on how to make it feel more "ours" or like a home to me would be great.
Secondly, how often do you travel back home? I am debating on whether to head home next July for above said weddings or for the holidays or try to do both. Both seems a bit much but my husband said he would support it being my first year away from home. It seems very hard to justify which events you should held back home for and how often is reasonable.
Also, what are some tips for being homesick? I've been really good lately but when I was job hunting and spending most days home alone while my husband was busy with Uni, I got very homesick. I'm aware that it will probably come back at some stage even if Im a bit busier with work and it would be nice to have some advice or tips on how you all avoid it.
I feel like I have many more questions but can't think of them at the moment!
Re: New to this and to lots of things...
Welcome! Keep posting! There are a lot of ladies in Australia here! Where in Australia are you?
Not too sure about your first question. Maybe, put up a few photos of you two in your room? With shared space, it must be hard to have a certain decorating style. You should try to make your room as cosy and "you" as possible.
My travel back to Canada varies year by year depending on finances, events, time off. I try to make it at least once a year - when DS was under 2 I went back twice a year. Before DS, my old company paid my airfare anywhere I wanted, most years I went back, but other years we went on holiday somewhere else. The longest I didn't visit was 2.5 years.
I don't get homesick anymore. Luckily, I feel like I'm at home here now. When I miss my family or friends I give them a call or we skype. Some things you could try are watching American tv, eating some comfort food, listing to music that you love.
Wow! Big changes in a short amount of time.
First off welcome. How did you meet your husband?
I would say decorate. You can do things on the cheap, read some blogs, join pinterest, you will great ideas of how to make your house a home.
We live in a flat and haven't put much money into it b/c it isn't our long term home, we are trying to save for our own place or at least a nicer place.
I live in London and am from Philadelphia so flights are much more reasonable and shorter than from Oz. Last year I went home for Christmas, in April for my wedding shower and in May for our wedding. This will be the first Christmas I will not be home. I honestly don't know when I will go home next.
Trouble is I'm a teacher so when I have off the prices skyrocket.
If it's important to you to go home, save and make it happen. In your case I would go for long periods of time.
Come back and talk to us about how you are feeling, we understand.
Also try and make friends and get out and do things it's really important to not sit home and feel sorry for yourself.
Where do you live?
Bio
Welcome!
The only thing I can think of to make the space more "yours", is to decorate your room, or ask the housemates to work with you on adding some homey touches. Throw pillows, art to the walls (etc). Just ask first before overhauling the shared living space!
I go home roughly once every 18 months to two years. It's not feasable for us to go to MI even once a year with our finances as they are now. We're trying to save up to buy a bigger flat.
I don't think there's a way to avoid homesickness. The first year was really rough on me emotionally. It was a huge shock to my system to be 5000 + miles away from my family, since we're all very close. The only things I can think of that helps are talking to my family back home via fb/skype a couple times per week, bake things that my mom would make regularly, and have perfumes/cleaning products/candles etc that just smell like "home".
Please stick around. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask!
I agree with NCV that, especially considering the long and expensive flight, try to go home for longer periods of time if you can tolerate it. I get along great with my parents and so I usually go for 2-3 weeks at a time and live with them. I usually made it back twice a year until I got pregnant, and it has now been 1.5 years since I've been back, but we're going over Christmas. If you can afford it and your husband supports it (emotionally, I mean), then go back as often as you feel you need to for the first bit. The first year I was here I wasn't allowed to go back (exchange program rules), and that was one of the things that made it really hard. After that, I was allowed to go back as often as I could and even made 2 weekend trips for really important events. That made me feel like it wasn't such a big deal that I was so far from my family. I know that's not possible for everyone, though, and much harder to do from Australia than from Europe!
In most cases, the homesickness fades gradually and you'll find you don't feel you need to go back as often as you settle into life in your new country.
Hi and welcome!
I guess for the first question I don't really have a good answer. I lived with my inlaws the first 5 months I was in France and it didnt ever feel like home. I guess I would suggest cooking your fave foods, asking if the roommates could get out one evening so that you and your H could have alone time. It always felt more homey to me when DH and I could be intimate without worrying about the rest of the household: whether that be a nice dinner with just us two, or an evening watching tv on the couch without having to negotiate the tv programs, or a nice romp under the sheets without being interrupted. Being alone and being able to use the extra rooms without having to ask might help.
I go home about once a year (that is the plan, at least) except that I recently made an extra trip because of a family emergency. I think not going back for the first year was good for me. If I went back too often, I would be more homesick for the USA instead of making my new country my home, does that make sense? So to avoid homesickness, i try to make friends, work, and have a life here. Occasionally, i bust out the Tex-mex or southern cooking recipes that remind me of home.
Welcome! I second the question of where in Australia are you?
To make your place feel more homey, add your personal touches. Things that YOU like that - a lamp here, photos there, that kind of thing.
As for homesickness the best thing I've found to do is to get very familiar with where you live now. Find your way around the town. Explore until you find a favorite restaurant, favorite grocery store, things like that. So many American things are available here in Oz that there isn't too much you can't get. Get out and make new friends. And use Skype frequently to keep in touch with folks back home.
Hello from another nestie in Australia! Where in Oz are you?
Some things I did to try and beat homesickness is to stay busy. I was lucky in that I already had some friends here before I moved and I was able to get a job relatively quickly (which gave me the chance to make some more friends). I also made lots of phone calls in the beginning, but that eventually died down. I now keep in contact mostly with my family though skype/facetime.
Flights from Australia to the US are pretty expensive. I have been here a bit over 4 years. The first 3 years I went once a year (including going home for my wedding) and the last time I went was this last Christmas. I will not be going this Christmas, which would be a year, but we are hoping to go next October with our new little one. It is not a trip you can do just for a few days, so I try to go for 2-3 weeks when I am going home.
Please let us know where you so we can be of more help.
Welcome! I'm an American in Australia as well. I moved over in January to be with my Australian husband. Let me add one more voice to this question: Where are you in Australia?
The biggest thing I did to feel at home was move over my stuff from home -- including 900+ books and a couple of treasured pieces of furniture. If you didn't do that, my suggestion is to start looking to furnish your room with stuff that says you (and your husband). We bought a dining table because my family had dinner every night together at the table and I knew I would miss that ritual. DH's family at in front of the tv when people were available for dinner. We do that sometimes, but most nights we eat at our table, with placemats and linen napkins, just like "home." It's important to keep your traditions up.
I just got here in January, and I have not been back to the US yet. We are not really planning on going until next January (2013), because I knew if I went back too soon or too often, I would want to stay. We are planning a nice trip when we go though 3-4 weeks. We are planning a family reunion cruise with my family, and trips to see some friends and US sights, as DH really hasn't done much sight seeing in the US.
As for homesickness, it comes in waves for me. I have just gotten the last bout at bay. It was tough. I missed a big city-wide celebration in New Orleans, and while it was televised, it's not like being there to be a part of it. And I am seriously missing fall Saturdays and college football. But I found an ip spoofer and I can get the SEC on CBS and ESPN3 here, so I can have my football fix, only it's on Sunday mornings.
I also second the recommendations to try and find a favorite restaurant or shop. Get to know your grocery store and where to find the things you enjoy -- I had the hardest time finding dried kidney beans -- it's impossible to have red beans and rice with no red beans. I literally jumped when DH found a health-food shop that carries them. As with the other ladies, Skype is a great thing for keeping up with everyone.
I'd like to tell you it gets easier, but so far I have found it just gets to be a new routine.
Thanks for all the wonderful advice
I'll be thinking of ways to make this place a bit more "homey" in the coming weeks. It is just hard, being that we're living with two other people and so many things are shared. We also do family meals during the week which are great but sometimes I wish it was just DH and I instead. I suppose those are the sacrifices you make to save some money...
To answer many of you- I'm in Perth! & I met my DH when I studied abroad here for a semester. It's nice that I have lived here for 6 months and know the area, food, culture, etc but I'm also in a completely different situation so there are obviously many new experiences to be had.
Ive obviously have Skype (and I'm quite the pro - had A LOT of practice doing five months away from DH during our engagement) and I'm set up with a VPN so I can watch all the American TV and Netflix that I want. It's wonderful. I suppose my homesickness has gone in waves as well - little things like missing my mom's birthday last week gets to me. I'm sure it will be back for the holidays...any advice? I've never been apart from my immediate family for Christmas so I'm a bit anxious for it...
I also thought that I shouldn't go home too often or too soon but now I'm all confused. I think if I waited until July, then it would have been a year and that's sufficient. I just think with it being just us at the moment, it makes it much easier to go home more often.
I guess I'm just experiencing so many new things that even the small things seem overwhelming.
HI!
I'm an American living with my Aussie H in FNQ Australia.
The PPs already gave you great advice on your questions. But as to when to go home ... I've been gone two years and with the price of tickets for two, we won'tbe back for at least two more years.
I see everyone saying to take longer vacations when you do head back to the states, but keep in mind, that if you are there past a certain amount of days (25?) you have to pay US taxes on your AUS salary. That's on top of the AUS taxes.
I didn't make it back for Christmas last year (and won't this year either). It was hard, but it was just something we had to do. I was with my inlaws and their christmas traditions are not the same that I grew up with: the songs were different, they didn't seem to think that It's a Wonderful Life and Love Actually were integral parts of the holiday, the food was all different and the presents weren't quite right. Mainly, it was lovely, but I ended up in tears because it wasn't what I was used to. If you can start a new tradition or continue an old family tradition with your H, it might make it easier. Other than that, time will make it better.
I have never had to share a space after getting married, but a big part of what makes things homey to me is stuff on the walls. Blank walls depress me.
I've been back twice in four years. I can't afford to go very often, so I just do what I can. Before I moved abroad, I still lived 1500 miles from my family, so I didn't seem them very often before either, and it hasn't been much of a transition in that regard.
Homesickness, though, definitely. Finding other Americans/Canadians has been really great. We can bond over the lack of Reese's cups or how annoying certain things about Danish culture are, or just enjoy speaking English for a while. Maybe you could check meetup.com or something for expat groups. We've found ways to mix up our traditions, too. My Danish in-laws look forward to American Thanksgiving every year (even if we have to do it on the weekend, since people don't get that Thursday off!) and I've gotten into some Danish holidays too.
Hello - I can relate to a LOT of what you are going through
I moved abroad shortly after finishing university too (to London). We flat shared with friends for 6 years, so I totally get that. I think the best thing to do is to make your own private space (i.e. your room) a nice haven where you can just shut the door and have time alone if you want.
I'm also from the midwest! Honestly? I had a really tough first year in London, I was really homesick. But once I started to put myself out there and make friends things got a lot easier. Join a bunch of groups, attend expat meetings, get a part time job where you'll meet people. You may just meet 1 person you like, and that's enough to make you feel a bit more 'at home'.
Go home as much as you can afford/want to go. There's no rule about making it a full year before going back! But then, just remember that it's normal to feel a bit low when coming back to Australia, missing the great times you had with your fam & friends.
I wish you were in Sydney so we could catch up for a coffee!
Now that I've been living abroad for 10 years, I ususally only go home once a year. I just don't have enough vacation time to go back more than that! I figure they can come visit us too
Anyhow, welcome to the board and feel free to come here whenever you need to vent or just chat about living abroad. We've all been there & totally understand
Oh and just try to enjoy your first hot Christmas! There's nothing that makes it easier really, being away from family. Sometimes I make a meal that reminds me of home, I try to skype, and I mail my family presents. That's all you can do really
We brought our two dogs which was the best way for us to adapt to a new place and still make it feel like home.
We haven`t been back home yet, and don`t plan on going for probably another year.
Good luck to you! I have my days of missing home and other days of pure excitement.