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registering for Christmas gifts??
Ugh, I am torn on this one. My SIL (who is BSC) made not one, not two, but THREE gift registries for Christmas. One for her and her hubby (who is my H's brother) at Bed Bath & Beyond and two for their 10 month old son at TRU and Barnes&Noble. In the past, we have always shared a wish list with each other prior to starting Christmas shopping, but this formal registry thing is new this year.
While it is nice to know exactly what they want, I find it kind of greedy. This isn't completely out of the blue for her. She has always eagerly behaved in an entitled way, with a "gimme" open hand expecting things from our MIL, who is both wealthy and generous. I'm not saying ALL people who make gift registries (besides for weddings or babies) are greedy--there's a long history with SIL of doing selfish stuff.
On the one hand, maybe a registry isn't so different than a wish list. (My wish lists are usually general: Melissa & Doug toys, Sephora gift card, yoga mat). On the other hand, I'd rather not be forced to buy from a certain place, possibly pay shipping, etc. I feel it limits how I normally shop (ex: buying a book from B&N rather than Amazon). But the way registries work, if I buy somewhere else it won't show up as purchased on the registry and then I'm the jerk if someone else buys a duplicate gift. I don't want to be the jerk here. Part of me says just be nice, buy off the registry, and play along. The other part of me feels if I do, I am feeding the beast and encouraging her greediness.
Thoughts?
Re: registering for Christmas gifts??
Personally I think it's a great idea - only for the fact that my MIL always asks for a list of what we want and it's been so easy the past couple years as I've just directed her to our wedding or baby registries at the times.
This year I did have to put a list together, but while doing it I thought multiple times that I wished I could just go create something on Target and add a bunch of stuff to it and call it good.
Yeah I shop at Target more often than the other places. I'm probably being Scroogy McScrooge!
I see your struggles. I see it as a positive because you aren't duplicating gifts for the baby but she really can't control where people buy their gifts.
I would just use it as a guide for the kid. The kid really is not going to know he got 2 of the same things or that he didn't get exactly what was on the list.
For her and him, if they aren't pricey and within the price range you were going to spend anyway, might as well just buy what they really want. They would probably use it more than having to feel bad going out and returning to buy what they really wanted. And it reduces your stress of trying to find exactly what they were wanting. If it is pricier than you were wanting to spend, then don't pay any attention to it and buy what you want.
As we get older, my brother tells me exactly what to buy him. He is hard to buy for so he knows exactly what he is getting and he could have just bought it himself and I could have written him a check. Now I just buy iTune cards for him. It is simple and he can use it however he wants and it is a lot less stress on me.
This is us. I'm making a good portion of the gifts we're giving.
I totally wish for more of this. I just don't think it will happen on H's side of the family. With my family I can get away with simplifying things more and making things more personal.
It most definitely IS hard to find gifts for people, especially as they grow older and tend to buy what they want for themselves. I enjoy shopping however, and the surprise element of gift giving, which a registry ruins. I suppose I can do a combo of registry gifts along w/ something unexpected and thoughtful.
I couldn't agree more! In the past we bought gifts for every person on DH's side. It would be three hours of opening gifts. This year we suggested we just do gifts for the kids and everyone is on board. I'm really excited to have that time to visit with family instead of opening stuff.
I've always thought that a gift should be personal and I just don't understand being told what to buy someone. My SIL used to give us a list of gifts we could buy for my niece and nephew. She still makes it, but we don't get it. I think me not buying off the list for four years finally made the point that I'm not going to start anytime soon. A registry would flat out piss me off, probably to the point that I'd just make a donation somewhere in the child's name.
I will take the flames.......
I made a Christmas list at Target for the kids this year. I have several family members that are always asking what to get them, and then I am trying to keep it all straight, etc. My mom will literally call me 10x from the store and ask me what about this? Does she have this? So, this list will be for my parents, and my DH's mom. Its not like we are sending it out to everyone we know. Plus, in our family we don't buy for extended family members. There are too many kids.
I think it will work great this year. If it doesn't, then I won't do it next year.
Is it different then a wish list? IDK...I got an amazon wish list from my brother today.
I guess I sort of feel like that's different?? Because you can get better deals IMO from Amazon then having to buy some specific brand and a specific store? I guess I would give the side eye to a BB&B registery for Christmas gifts being sent to me, but if the same items were on an Amazon wishlist I wouldn't think much of it...even though they are essentially the same thing??
What has Christmas come to if people are going to the store and registering for stuff? shaking my head....
Ditto this. We are doing most of our Christmas shopping locally this year and honestly, I think registering is totally tacky, it takes away from the whole idea.....Sure, it's ok to ask for ideas but come on.
I guess I don't see it being as literal as some might make it out to be. Our families ask what we want/could use for Christmas, so I'm going to tell them. If they want to make a homemade gift or surprise me with something thoughtful that they came up with - Fantastic! Love those gifts! If they want a guide to go off of, no problem - here's a list of things that I would like for myself but if you want to get it for me - awesome!
Ours is a list at Target. I don't see any difference in that and a written list that my parents would ask for. I know my mom is going to shop at Target anyway, and this way it saves her from calling me a million times asking what size, what about this? or how about this? I took DD with me and let her pick the things that she liked. Then, I added things for DS. I don't "expect" anyone to shop from it, but I know that it will make things a million times easier for my mom. She is literally the type of person that to be told what to buy.
I would so peek. I always did for my wedding registry and it drove my husband nuts.....BUT, I have always been like that since I was a kid.
DH & I always have running Amazon wish lists. We spilled the beans to the ILs last year (my parents always just give cash, so no need for a list) and the you know what hit the fan! I honestly didn't know how it was any different than MIL calling me and going on and on about how she doesn't know what to get H and I give her an explicit list. I know she also calls H and says she doesn't know what to get me. I think it was the internet factor that freaked her out. (She said on more than one occasion that she didn't think the stuff would actually get there, she thought she was just spending money on a scam.) Guess what? Everything arrived, in one piece, in one box, and all she had to do was wrap it up. (ILs live in a small town and MIL won't drive herself to the stores b/c they're in the "city" so she has to wait for IL or a friend to take her)
As with any list/registry you're not obligated to buy anything. If you needed some guidance, there it is, in black and white. I don't think it's that big/bad of a deal. However, it sounds like there's a backstory here that's clouding this list, though.
Flame away. Everyone in my family and ILs have an amazon wish list. Some people use it (more for the kids), some people don't. It works for us.
On some level, a registry sounds tacky, but wish list sounds acceptable. At least we're all on the same page.
thanks to jennied
I think this is BSC. No adult or child needs so much STUFF that they have to make a list.
Talk about a first world problem.
For me- I am a fan of trying to take a person out for some experience (tickets to an event, membership to a museum/zoo/etc, purchase a class, etc). Not usually super expensive and avoids filling up our homes with more items that we likely do not need & cost resources to produce.
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