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family ties: paper lion
hello canada and a very special bonjour to the quebecois! i normally post this over on tk, but i was curious to see how many people actually read this. i hope it is okay with you; please consider it an homage to your native son, michael j. fox. incidentally, i am also a big bryan adams fan.
alex is all a flutter over an economics paper he and professor rhodes are writing. he thinks the paper will be one for the ages. he also assures his adoring family that this paper will make him a shoe-in for the wilson prize, given to the top economics research assistant. (<-- this will be important later.) just for kicks, i'm calling it the "thomas f. wilson prize." i'm guessing that in the fictional world of family ties, where the dry cleaners are white, grant college is a very important research college with an economics department that rivals the university of chicago.
so alex is all excited that prof rhodes will be stopping by the house to drop off the final data. ahh, the heady and extremely inconvenient days before the internet. prof rhodes arrives and OMG it's justice crouch from the west wing! (the episode is "the short list" and he totally dresses down jed in a way that made me cackle and put it in my pocket for how i will yell at other people.) it's alex's job to crunch the numbers. so i guess the paper is already written and the data is just an afterthought? y'all, i didn't go to a research college nor was i a scientology major, but i'm pretty sure this isn't how it works.
b plot: the keaton children are spending too much money on the clothing of the youngest keaton, andy. in the episode, he is dressed as a yachtsman, complete with hat and navy blazer with gold buttons, and as a rebel in the style of marlon brando from "the wild ones." there is also reference made to andy wearing sequined jammies, which would constitute a major choking and taste hazard. all of this shopping is done at a boutique called "the hip toddler" so you know it wasn't all that expensive. real expensive children's clothing stores are called things like "jacadi" "petit tresor" or "mini moi;' they wouldn't be so vulgar as to give themselves a name in english.
so it's late at night and alex is crunching the numbers. you guys -- he's using an adding machine! cant_wait, i know you are too young to know what that means, so i will try to describe. you know in old timey westerns, there was a banker and he would wear a white shirt, a vest, little garters on his arms and a green visor? he would sit there at his dusty desk and punch numbers into a machine, and then he would pull a little lever to advance the little roll of paper. that's an adding machine.
steven and elyse come in, and they ask him what's wrong. (as a side note, elyse is wearing a GIANT belt. it's just crossed the line from being big and fabulous to being "i am the best rodeo clown of the bunch.") alex is all verklempt because the numbers don't add up, so that means the paper's thesis is disproven. and then j. walter weatherman comes in and says "and THAT'S why you check the data before you write the paper!" ... in my dreams. steven and elyse get all "a poor carpenter blames his tools" and suggest that maybe the machine is wrong but no -- alex knows he is right and that the paper is wrong. alex haz a sad.
the next day, alex heads into prof rhodes's palatial office and tells him his findings. now prof rhodes also haz a sad! alex leaves and then -- TREACHERY. prof rhodes picks up the phone, calls the chancellor and tells him that his paper is ready for publication. the chancellor does not say, "WTF do i care? it's called a memo -- we use them because we don't have email. stop calling, old man."
alex is all moping around when he gets a package in the mail. it's the program for the economics award banquet and he sees that prof rhodes is still presenting his paper there. alex confronts prof rhodes like he's the honor committee and prof rhodes says "too bad, it's publish or perish, bitches!"
it's economics banquet night, and in order for tina yothers to keep her sag card, she has to attend the banquet and say one line, which she does. yay, unions! alex is all sad because he will not win the thomas f. wilson award and he will see prof rhodes dishonor himself and he has to do the intro.
alex is up and he gives this lengthy guilt-inducing intro. jewish mothers everywhere start a slow clap. prof rhodes stands and concedes that his paper is a fraud and he should focus more on teaching rather than publishing and that is what schools really are for and so on. and people just ... clap and then quietly leave. so i guess they had their fill of crap cakes and sherry and need to go find a couch and digest.
prof rhodes thanks alex for keeping him honest and they take a picture together. and i guess there are no repurcussions for the professor so maybe next time, j. walter!
okay, so going back to the thomas f. wilson award -- the prize is given to the best econ research student. prof rhodes's paper ensures he will win the prize. when alex tells prof rhodes that the data does not support the paper, prof rhodes says he will no longer present it, and then alex is said because now he will not win the prize. but then the program comes and the paper is still being presented -- but alex is NOT the winner of the thomas f. wilson prize. LOGICAL FALLACY (this was brought to you courtesy of dh, who was inordinately proud of himself.)
