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Oh MIL's Help!!
Ok sorry if this gets long here is some background. Back in April we decided we wanted an adult only reception. Its a soar subject for some but it is what it is. DH and I dont feel as though with our crazy families its a place for kids! that was 6 months before our wedding and we told MIL then. She has two young children. I told DH that they could come because they are his siblings. He said NO because they really are the two most misbehaved children EVER! So we stuck to our guns and what we wanted for our big day. MIL wasnt happy but she knew she wouldnt change our minds. sooooo
Im new here just got married last friday!! 
Now with that being said DH's mom is awful! She has been a huge thorn in our sides from day one. BUT she is his mother, so I try and play nice! ... Well on our wedding day she came .. late.. then she wanted nothing to do with pictures I cant wait to get all the pro pics back I will be shocked if she even cracked a smile!! Then she shows up late to the reception and then leaves 5 min later, right before our first dance. Therefore my new husband is almost in tears because she left... UGH dont get me started on that!
Then we do the rest of our dances with parents etc she is no where to be found shows up after they are all over with and demands to have hers... Okay so she does and the whole time they are dancing she is telling DH how she has been having a bad day!! He was like oh interesting... well I got married today. Whatever then she goes to my brothers table and asks "whos seat is this" to the seat next to him He says "Zack the other usher" so she sits down in "zacks" seat and takes a bite out of his cake and says to my brother " This wedding has no class" Then she gets up and leaves the reception for the second time never to come back. That was her longest visit that night it was about 15 min if that. She didnt eat or anything.
Then the next day we open all of our cards and stuff and he calls her and gets no answer so txt her to say thanks he said "hey thanks for coming yesterday and being a part of our big day and jthanks for the card it means a lot! She never responded.
So he just wants to leave it be and not have anything to do with her. She hasnt been supportive before that with anything having to do with DH and she has been awful in the years that we have been together to me. He hates how disrespectful she is to me, and needless to say Im not a major fan either! He said that he doesnt want to do the holidays with her or anything we will celebrate with my family and his dad and stepmother.
She has never really been there for him and his brothers. She lost custody when they were young due to abusive behavior because she is an alcoholic. So his dad and stepmother have raised him and his brothers. (stepmother has been around for more than 22 years) But I cant help but think that he will regret the decision to cut her out of his life. so I come here to you all. You have no reasons to not tell me your honest opinoins.. I havent said anything to him because I dont want to influence his decision to keep her in his life if all she is goin to do is hurt him. I guess I cant wrap my brain around it bc my mom is not like that so I just dont get it but whatever!
So sorry this is so long... really I am but I wanted to give you accurate background. What would you do??
Re: Oh MIL's Help!!
Sometimes, when you don't have crazy family members and aren't used that dynamic, it is hard to understand how those who do feel. I would definitely follow his lead on this and support him in whatever decision he wants to make.
It's your H's family, it's his decision, really.
She sounds sort of crazy and personally if I were you I would be relieved that your H wants to cut her out. There are a lot of women who come on this board who have H's that WON'T cut his family out even though they are awful. You should consider yourself lucky.
Track down a poster called JulieRNBride (she recently posted a few posts down), then go to her history and try to read some old posts and answers. She'll give a good picture of wrapping your head around a mother who didn't raise her kids, is a selfish, self-centered adult, and emotional torture to her grown children.
Why in the world would your DH regret cutting this woman out of his life? What shred of evidence leads you to worry about this outcome, at all? And why do you think this awful woman will leave him alone when he goes through with it? She's going to be a huge pain in the asss for a very long time. Distancing himself from her is a great idea. Based on your post, I have NO IDEA why you would think otherwise.
This is exactly what I would do for all the reasons that your H said.
Don't worry about what he may or may not regret. Don't make drama where there doesn't need to be any. If he changes his mind, he'll let you know. In the meantime, enjoy the fact that you know your H has your back and the peace and quiet that results from that.
Why are you trying to create a problem where there isn't one? For the love of Pete, let your husband cut ties with the woman who is disrespectful to both of you and who neither of you want to be around. Why wouldn't that be the best idea?
I bet it's because you think that if you two are nice enough to her, that she'll realize how great you are and she'll turn into the loving family member that you want her to be. But here's the thing - that's not going to happen. It doesn't matter how nice you are to her, she will continue being nasty because that's who she is. Your husband realizes this, please let him do what needs to be done.
I'm still trying to figure out what your MIL's servants have to do with this post...
If your DH doesn't want anything to do with her, embrace that and run with it. Really, that is the best outcome you can hope for.
And then thank your lucky stars that, unlike JulieRNBride's husband, your husband has realized very early on what a whackjob crazypants nutbar his mother is and wants nothing more to do with her and is insistent on cutting her out of your lives.
But I cant help but think that he will regret the decision to cut her out of his life. so I come here to you all. You have no reasons to not tell me your honest opinoins.. I havent said anything to him because I dont want to influence his decision to keep her in his life if all she is goin to do is hurt him. I guess I cant wrap my brain around it bc my mom is not like that so I just dont get it but whatever!
Well, it's really none of your business. It's his decision, and his alone. (That being said, you'd be free to cut her from HER life if he didn't want to do so, and you'd be free to take yourself out of the marriage if MIL was nasty to you and your H didn't do anything to stop her.) If he's said that he wants to cut her out, it's not your place to say that he will regret the decision. Support him.
Like PPs said, be grateful that your husband is willing to separate yourselves from someone who treats you badly. A lot of spouses aren't willing to do that, and that's where the problems lie.
I'm really surprised that your husband wouldn't allow his own siblings at his wedding. That's pretty crappy. I was going to suggest that that might be the source of MIL's problem (and IMO she'd have the right to be upset), but it seems like she was always nasty to the two of you, so excluding his siblings from the wedding was a moot point.
This!
Thank you everyone. To make it clear, I think its great that he doesnt want her around, but I know if it were my mother I would be sad. I think it all goes back to I cant seem to wrap my brain around the kind of mother she is because mine is nothing like her and the thought of cutting my mother out is not even imaginable, so clearly everyone else should feel the same (not likely obviously)
It hurts me because I know he wants her to be there and be a mother, but she just isnt one I dont think she has it in her. As much as he wants her around I think he would rather cut her out then continue to be hurt by her over and over.
Thanks for lending an ear to listen and thanks for the great advice. I will support him in his decision of course and now after venting about it and getting other outside opinions I think I have a better understanding.
Take it from me, he likely won't regret it. Anyone who tells you cutting an abuser out of your life is something you will regret is just not used to the dynamic. I cut my mother out of my life a few years and no regrets here - except for that I wish I'd done it way sooner like everyone told me to. Every time another person says I will regret it, I shake my head.
I have had a MIL nightmare for a long time,and we have tried our best..that being said,she got a text Saturday and that is the end of it. our story and background also includes our wedding and when we were dating,but when we became expecting is when it got really bad and she was horrible about our baby,we ended up losing him when he was born and she is still horrible,even about future babies.this is where we draw the last line.
i guess what i'm trying to say is if it is never going to get better,it is better to end it now then wait for the worse to come.