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Kind of NSOR but I'm being sued (long).
So back story. Trying to make a long long story short: Post divorce, I was living with my parents in an unbearable situation. I was asked to move in with two of my girlfriends, who are a lesbian couple. I wanted some freedom from mom and dad's, so I took the girls up on their offer and moved into an apartment with them. I signed the lease for a year along with the one girl. Okay here's where it gets sticky. I lived there for a month before my current BF started coming over and sleeping over. The minute he walked into that apartment, the girls treated him with no respect and also treated me with no respect. I was nagged constantly, texted to be asked where I was and when I would be coming home, etc. Some time went by, and I played it off. It got worse. The girls made it very clear that they did not want a man in "their" apartment, when I was paying equal rent, equal utilities, equal everything. BF was my guest, and the girls had many guests over on a multitude of times, without asking my permission, and I never said a word. So we continued on with BF sleeping over, mainly because my car was broken and he needed to give me a ride to work until it was fixed.
Okay so the worst of it got even worse. Roommate #1 would go into my room when I wasn't there, make comments about food that BF and I have eaten and I had to replace when I paid my fair share of groceries. Then the roommates started locking me out of the apartment with the deadbolt and chain so I couldn't get in without breaking into my own apartment. I was told by said roommates that I could only use what was mine in the apartment, which was things in my bedroom and bathroom only because I came with very little because I had left most of my furniture behind at my XH's house, but the roommates would make comments about BF's toothbrush being in my bathroom, when it was occupying my own personal space. Basically I was treated as a border in my own apartment, so I moved out. I called property management, wrote a letter with intent to vacate the premises, and requested to be removed from the lease, which property management explained that Roommate #1's mother was going to cosign the lease to remove me. I thought everything was good.
So two months go by, I had moved out, and I get a summons in the mail that I am being sued. So yay.
I must also mention that roommate #1 caused so much trouble because we worked together. She told rumors that BF had mugshots on court tv and murdered someone. She went through our paystubs at work and took my address off of mine to file the charges against me...which no one had my address except for my employers. It should have been forwarded to me through mail forwarding, and it wasn't. I asked my employer to remove my personal information from where it can be easily accessed.
I don't know what to do. I called an attorney and left a message with them because I want to counter sue her for emotional distress, slander, invasion of privacy, you name it because she made it very very difficult to live there. So I dunno, I guess I'm venting, and asking for advice, and any other thing because I'm a little overwhelmed. I can't even explain everything to the full extent because there is so much. I started taking anti-depressants during the first two weeks of living with those girls because it was so difficult. Roommate #1 made me get rid of my dog because she bullied me and made so many negative comments that I caved.
Anyone have anything? LOL.
Re: Kind of NSOR but I'm being sued (long).
What is she suing you for?
Honestly, it's not worth your time to sue her, not to mention you really have no legal leg to stand on. Being a bad roomate isn't against the law. Karma is your best bet.
The only thing I have is... WOW. That is insane. I hope it gets sorted out soon!
You have no countersuit.
You're likely liable for the remainder of the rent that you would have owed on the lease and will be found as such.
Next time don't count on your evil roommate's mother without verifying everything yourself BEFORE thinking it's all over and done with.
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
Look, I know a lot of people nicely tried to get through to you the other day: you have a pattern of making really bad decisions. You just keep shooting yourself in the foot and when someone warns you not to carry a loaded gun say no, no, its cool, I can handle it. And I know you're in therapy and it sounds like you are applying yourself and hopefully making progress, but you need to be able to look back on things and recognize the patterns of poor decision making so you can avoid them again.
It does not sound like you followed proper legal procedure for breaking your lease; and I really can't see any way you would have a counter suit, especially for the things listed. The legal system doesn't care who was mean to who, who ate who's food, who was allowed to have guests and who wasn't. They care who signed a lease, who didn't meet obligations under the lease and who didn't properly terminate the lease.
I would go ahead and hire an attorney, do whatever you need to do to resolve this with as little trouble as possible, and make it another scenario to run through with your therapist to identify ways you might have proceeded differently.
Not to mention, you went on antidepressants because you're bipolar--not because your roomates were mean to you. Perhaps a biological disorder and the situational issues (i.e. getting divorced) are the reasons behind needing medication....just sayin...
ETA: Honestly, why are you trying to hard to make your life suck? You moved out of your parents house (where, presumably you weren't paying rent) into an apartment with a couple where you had a pay rent. Aren't you currently working like 3 jobs to cover your cost of living?
My patience is running low with this whole self-sabotaging gig you've got going on.
That sucks. Here, let me fix all of your problems for you:
1. Break up with BF.
2. Move back into your parents' place (if they'll have you). Do some chores and cook some meals to show them how grateful you are. Tell them, too.
3. Continue counseling.
4. When the court finds you accountable for the rent you would have owed in the suit, pay it.
5. Work, work, work. Save money.
6. When you have enough money saved up, move into your own place and establish yourself as a responsible, self-sufficient adult.
7. ...I'm not really worried about step 7 yet because 1-6 should take a little while.
Good luck!
I don't know your backstory, but what was so bad at your parents house that you went running to that apartment?
It seems to me that the apartment would be more unbearable than your parents house (barring any unknown abuse).
http://pandce.proboards.com/index.cgi#general
I need to know more before I give a final answer... but you may have been more annoying to them than you remember. How did your BF treat them? How often did their guest spend the night and eat your food? Did you pay ll your bills on time? Cause you mentioned not having money before..
I lived with my parents for a year. I went to therapy by myself and with my mother in order to make things go more smoothly. I did what had to be done to better my circumstances. I encourage you to do the same.
I will say if the roommate went through files at work to get your personal info you should go to HR or a manager with that complaint, not a lawyer.
I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that your introduction of the BF to the mix is what spurred your roommates turning on you.
Based on your previous posts, it's known that your BF is not good for you and has done some shady things in his past. I'm guessing your roommates were hella uncomfortable having him around, basically living in their apartment. They signed a lease with you, not him. I've been where they are, and it is NOT fun. Instead of doing the whole "it's my place too and I can have my own guests!" pouty thing, maybe some self-reflection on what you've contributed to the mess would serve you well.
My guess is that their first choice was to have you break up with him and stay as a roommate. If that didn't work out, then they'd drive the two of you away. Basically whatever it took to get this guy out of their living space. Maybe they were constantly texting you for your whereabouts because they were worried about you. Just a thought.
At this point, you need to consider that you're choosing to live this way. This isn't bad happenstance here. Your life would be a lot easier if you started taking some of the advice you're being offered.
KellBell said everything I'm thinking. Bottom line is, you broke your lease. Leases are legally binding. The rest is just noise.
You really can't seem to get out of your own way, can you?
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
You all are so right. Let me call my boyfriend and tell him to move out and I don't want to see him anymore because I don't really love him and he's not really good to me, just because everyone thinks he's wrong for me because he had a checkered past. Cool. That'll be good.
I'll get right on that.
While this was a part of people's concerns, it's certainly not the gravest. There was a lot more that was said, which you've conveniently forgotten. I sense this might just be a pattern with you.
Be as flippant as you like and cry persecution all you want. If you were to go back and actually read what people have posted to you, you'll see genuine concern for your well-being. Unfortunately, your seeming unwillingness to make significant, positive strides in your life are leaving most people more than a little frustrated.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
This. You really need to stop playing the victim card, take accountability for your actions, keep your chin up and take things one day at a time. We want things to turn around for you...we really do! But something's gotta give and you've gotta take action in order for that to happen!
Go back and read your original post and hopefully you can see why you get the replies that you do here. Seems to me you create so much drama and trouble for yourself that it's hard to give you a serious reply.
Reverse the situation here- if it was your apartment and someone else moved in then their BF spent the night all the time, used the bathroom to get ready/store stuff, ate food, etc. How would you feel? Obviously, no one communicated very well in this situation to create some ground rules for all of you. I can definitely see where they were wrong and also, where you were wrong. I agree that you're likely being sued for the remainder of the rent you owe from breaking the lease. Pay the money and move on. I don't see how you have any grounds to sue them for being mean or making your living situation difficult.
I have love for several people I shouldn't be in relationships with. Love is NOT the only determining factor of a good and HEALTHY relationship.
I left my XH, who was "good to me" because he wasn't RIGHT for me. If you were in a relationship with everyone who was "good to you," well... that would just be crazy. Think about it. That's your only requirement? Approximately 517 people in my life right now fit that description. That is NOT all it takes.
People are coming across as exasperated in this post because you're being really frustrating.
Just TRY to help yourself a little bit, and maybe we'll have sympathy.
We think he's wrong for you because you're a bipolar codependent who is dating an SSDI collecting deadbeat who wants to check himself into an inpatient mental health facility! FFS girl (yes girl, not woman because you act like a child) get your sh*t together!!!
The boyfriend is an example of the poor decision making and your unwillingness to accept responsibility for your own life and what direction it takes. And your response is a perfect example of why you will continue to have some dramatic problem like this every single week until you get your head out of your ass.You've admitted that you are completely codependent and actually felt happier when he wasn't with you the other day. You're consciously crippling any effort you could make to get beyond your issues by relying on him because it easier for you. In the end it will be a lot harder and will cost you a lot more but you'd rather play "us against the world" and then be the victim everyone feels sorry for when the relationship fails. Apparently that is easier than working to become an emotionally healthy human being.
There are a lot of women on here who face significant problems not of their own making and struggle really hard to overcome them; I find it almost insulting that you think your self created daily drama falls in the same category.
I've been in a similar situation where a roommate had a BF who was over constantly but didn't pay rent (he basically lived there). He would eat my food and basically it was just incredibly uncomfortable because I thought that I was moving in with two girls, and not two girls and a BF. I ended up moving out eventually because I couldn't take it anymore. My guess is that your roomies were feeling somewhat that way but it was THEIR house you were moving into. Why was there zero communication with them about the fact that BF was over all the time/staying the night, etc?
My guess would be that your BF's a tool as many of us here have assessed and your friends didn't like his douchiness around their home, but instead of taking heed of their advice your are blaming it on them because "they never gave him a chance!"
I agree with everything PP's said about how you keep getting in your own way. Unless and until you are really ready to take a long hard look at yourself and your relationship I have a strong sense this pattern of destruction is going to continue in your life. Good luck with that. But remember, YOU have the power to turn things around for yourself.
*WILD APPLAUSE*
Yeah that's right my name's Yauch!
My only advice is in regards to your ex-roommate suing you.
Go look up your state laws in regards to breaking a lease. Where I live you can give 30 days notice that you are breaking a lease, but you have to pay an extra months rent after the date that you move out. If someone moves into the apartment in replace of you that next month they have to give you back your extra month rent.
Are you twelve? Did you stamp your foot and throw a little tantrum while typing this like, totally mature response? People here have had some good advice for you. You seem to forget that people are giving you advice based on the experiences and things that YOU share. And it would seem that you love the drama. Guessing nothing will ever get through your head because you seemingly enjoy drama encapsulating your life. So keep on dating the "guy with a checkered past" and see how well that works out for you.
Oh and btw, if EVERYONE in your life thinks that he's wrong for you, probably a good sign that he is. I know your therapist might disagree because she sounds like a moron but the first thing my therapist asked me about my XH was "what do those who love you and care about you think of him?"
Um, how could they go into your room and talk to your BF when you weren't there? If he was your GUEST he would leave when YOU leave. If he was there without you, I can understand their annoyance. They probably didn't want to live with a guy and it probably creeped them out to be alone with him without you there.
Seriously? You people are so quick to judge, when you all have dated or married addicts, cheaters, and losers yourself. Put yourself in someone else's shoes for a change. How many of you had made mistakes in your past? How many of you have had "hard lives" and turned it around? Just because someone's past actions 10-15 years ago weren't textbook "acceptable" doesn't mean they didn't try to fix it. Get over yourselves. You all will make mistakes and bad choices. Each and every one of you will. You are not perfect. Some of you are far from it, as am I, but you don't see me judging your choice in men, relationships, telling you to break up with someone because they've had a past. Grow up and look around you. The variations of people in this world makes it interesting, and what's good for you isn't necessarily good for me. I choose to stay with my boyfriend because I love him, because he makes me feel whole again after a long battle with hating myself. He and I click, and you might see him as someone you wouldn't touch with an 80 foot pole, but he fits with me and that is all that matters. You'll all roll your eyes and say how delusional I am, and how messed up the situation is, but guess what? It's my situation, isn't it? I'm over this place and how judgemental you all are when you say you're here for support and help in your tough time of divorce. Let me tell you that I've been through it, too, and it sucks. Everyone bounces back differently and at a different pace. I'm sorry talking my problems through with my therapist doesn't help much, and I'm sorry that I decided to make my own decisions for a change. I chose my boyfriend, I chose my life, I chose my problems. Yeah I'm depressed and I complain sometimes, but as a whole I'm working through it. I come here to vent, as most of you do, and I never expect to be jumped on, but it happens. I'm over it, and just forget I even exist because I'd rather be forgotten than talked about negatively because my standards don't match yours.