Bridal shower/bridal party etiquette

MrsLadyNole

Hi all!

  I know I don't post much these days. I swear I don't have much free time. I am a MOH in my best friend's wedding in March (my first wedding -- all my friends are slackers). Anywho -- I have some questions, one so far. 

 Most of the bridal party lives in FL and most cannot make it to the bridal shower/bachelorette in February here in GA. I sent out an e-mail to the rest of the bridal party and the bride's cousin responded and said she couldn't make it but would gladly help monetarily. Is that proper etiquette to make someone pay for stuff even though they are not attending until the wedding? 

 TIA  

JulesDiane

This is a tough one. That is why I didn't answer right away. Since no one else has answered yet, I will give it a shot. If you need the help monetarily, I would probably take the help. It would also depend on how much she really wants to help out. Can you get a feeling if she is just saying it to be nice, or if she really wants to help out? If she does help out monetarily, I would definitely make sure that it is somehow known that she is part of the party. On the invitation, include a "hosted by:" or something like that.

 

Sorry it's not a straight forward answer, but I am not sure there is one .

 

Sadlebred

I'm with Jules. It's a tough one. If she really wants to help, I'd take the money. Maybe you could make it a small amount like $25 or $50 if she wants to give more. If you don't need the money or have another co-hostess or two, I wouldn't take it. If you do take it, acknowledge that she is also hosting or something. 

Or...what if she could buy/make something for the shower and ship it up?

askmetostay

does the bride live in FL too?

GardenPeach

If she really wants to contribute, then I'd come up with something specific that she can pay for (the food, the cake, the centerpieces/flowers, whatever) so that she isn't listed as a "host" (because that would seem a little bit odd) but still gets to contribute to the party. Ask the friend if she'd be comfortable footing the bill for whatever you choose, and then you can let the bride know at the party "so-and-so couldn't be here, but she provided all the flowers (or all the cupcakes, or all the appetizers), aren't they gorgeous/delicious/fabulous?" Seems like a good compromise and the friend will get to contribute to the party.

ReadytobeMrs.B

GardenPeach:

If she really wants to contribute, then I'd come up with something specific that she can pay for (the food, the cake, the centerpieces/flowers, whatever) so that she isn't listed as a "host" (because that would seem a little bit odd) but still gets to contribute to the party. Ask the friend if she'd be comfortable footing the bill for whatever you choose, and then you can let the bride know at the party "so-and-so couldn't be here, but she provided all the flowers (or all the cupcakes, or all the appetizers), aren't they gorgeous/delicious/fabulous?" Seems like a good compromise and the friend will get to contribute to the party.

i like this.

MrsLadyNole

@Hales - the bride lives here (we both lived in Florida/grew up together) 

 I like the idea of contributing to one item. I don't mind putting "hosted by - the bridal party" if everyone contributes. Bride has mentioned that her mother and FMIL don't mind contributing as well. Is there etiquette on that before I ask?

 The other problem is her step-sister, who also lives in Florida, mad that she isn't the MOH, hasn't responded to my e-mail, and has disappeared from FB. Bride says not to worry about her but I want to make sure she is included.  Bleh.

 Thank you again for all your input Wish I was around more often. Looking forward to seeing everyone next weekend!