Starting Over
dmndsr4eva
member
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
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Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Did anyone else ever speak to or contact the OW?
Just curious?
"How often does the other woman get a happy ending?" Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl
Re: Did anyone else ever speak to or contact the OW?
No...what would be the point? She is not the one who took a vow to be faithful to me...he was, my issue was with him. Not to mention, I am a better person than both of them and plan to maintain my dignity and class not to mention I want set one hell of an example for my kids. It sucks to be the bigger person, but in my opinion, it's worth it in the long run. Did I think horrible things about him/her/them, absolutely, but I would never put them in writing or said outloud.
My divorce situation does not involve another OW so I can't relate to that. The only case I could see speaking with the OW if the OW happens to be a relative or a good friend. Other than that, I think it kind of trashy as in a TV show way like Maury show or Jerry Sringer way.
Yes, I do realize I am being blunt here but I am doing so since I am just an online participant.
My divorce situation does not involve another OW so I can't relate to that. The only case I could see speaking with the OW if the OW happens to be a relative or a good friend. Other than that, I think it kind of trashy as in a TV show way like Maury show or Jerry Sringer way.
Yes, I do realize I am being blunt here but I am doing so since I am just an online participant.
In a fit of rage right after I found out my XH was cheating, I looked her up on FB and sent her a one-line message asking if she suffered from migraines. She had complained about a migraine in one of her emails to XH. She never responded. It didn't serve any purpose and I was dumb for doing it. I guess I just wanted to confirm it actually was her and put a name to a face.
No I never would because:
1. I'm not crazy
2. I'm not trashy
I mostly just called the last OW because I knew he would be devastated to know that someone told her the truth about him. She thought he was "a great guy" and told me I was lucky to have him. HA!
Which OW? There were just too many to contact, in my situation. If I started trying to track them all down and look up everyone who slept with XH while we were married I'd need to quit my job and become a full-time PI. And I probably still wouldn't be even 1/4 of the way through the list
Before our separation and divorce, yes, I did once, wrote a big long letter and told her that she needed to get the F out of my family's life.
After the separation/divorce, no. I feel no need to have any sort of contact with a person whom disrespected me so much and clearly has no morals.
I almost did. I was ready to rail against the woman who was willing to date my XH while I was pregnant with our child, ask her what kind of woman is willing to do that, etc.
A good male friend of mine stopped in me in my tracks by asking me why I thought he was willing to tell her the truth, when he was so unwilling to tell me the truth. That this girl probably thought I was the XW who got pregnant on purpose and was ruining poor XH's life. And then he asked me why I cared so much about her that I was willing to ignore XH's actions, by putting the blame on her.
I told him no! I totally blamed him! But I wanted her to hurt too! And he reminded me that I can't hurt someone I don't know. That HE did this to us, that HE made these choices. That she is probably one of many girls he is going to use in his depression and drug addiction. But I wasn't one of those women anymore. Unless I chose to still be. By allowing him to continue to make myself crazy.
You can probably tell your situation hits really close to home for me. Mostly I understand exactly how you are feeling. The desperateness, the craziness, the anger.... I get it. But you get to choose the next steps in your life. Make them healthy ones. Make it so when you look back on this, you have all your pride left.
yeah I probably should have consulted the nest or anyone before I hit send. Someone could have talked me out of it too.
I do have to admit it does feel validating to know that she at least can hear things from my perspective.
Totally this...except for the kids part as we didn't have any.
Do you think she really cares about things from your perspective? I'm sure that neither one of them have any remorse and simply laughed at that email.
IMO thats more funny/clever than it is sad, desperate or creepy.
This was how she read your letter:
Dear OW,
Blah blah blah blah blah, I'm totally BSC and not over my XFI yet. Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah.
Signed,
Crazypants McGee
So much for your perspective, eh?
Selfish people do selfish things because they are selfish. They don't care about the perspective of others. Maybe she thinks you're crazy, maybe you reinforced her sense that she stole a good catch from you. You have to trust in karma. The only way she will ever see things from your perspective is when you're moved on and happy, and he bails on her for someone else. And by then, hopefully you will be too happy living your own life to give a sh*t what she thinks of you.
Why? You don't listen to any advice we're trying to give you anyways.
Unfortunately.... the OW WAS a friend of mine, someone I invited to stay over quite often as she told us that she had a horrible time at home with her grandma HA!
I did twice. Once when I found the evidence that he had cheated with this girl and had been living in my house while I was gone. Especially since she had tried becoming friends with me.
The second time was when he moved on to the 17 yr old and had chose her over our son. I sent an emails saying how he was a lying, cheating, loser that she was too young to get wrapped up in all of his mess and to go do something with her life.
Later I realized that my son and I both were better off. He didn't need someone around that would drop all contact over a woman and I didn't need any contact with someone that would hender my ability to make a life for my son and I. I never kept him from his dad or vice versa but never pushed it either. His dad had the ability and my info all along but has chosen not to use it in almost 3 yrs.
LOL thanks, that makes me feel slightly better
Nope.
Although I do have her number stored in my phone under He's Her Problem Now...hehehe.
Ditto...I have never understood the mentality of being angry at the OW. My exH was calling the OW in my presence and even then, I was angry at him not her. But I had my dignity that I still couldn't even show him I was upset. It is PAINFUL to hear "hey babe" when you are still married and living in the same roof. BUT I decided I couldn't allow anyone to make me look and feel like I was BSC. I continued with my exit strategy and moved on. Found a therapist and did what I needed to do. You have to get it together...
I called the two women I found out he cheated on me with and gave each of them the number to the other and told them to come collect his azz with all his broken up shyt laying around him from the curb outside our house.
I did not call anyone when my XH was cheating as is was never anyone I knew and he NEVER came clean on it.
My question is if he is lying to me about it why should I blame the other woman? I am sure he is lying to her also. I wonder how many women are involved with men that are lying to them about the status of their marriages.