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Was this too far? Long ass story you probably don't want to read
My best friend from middle school and I kept up our friendship all through high school, even though I moved 700 miles away. ?We visited every year, wrote letters, etc. ?We sort of starting drifting apart our senior years, but we kept in touch via AIM, etc. ?Anyway, trying to skip ahead a bit, she ended up talking to one of my friends a lot online (a guy I really liked), and then surprised me by coming to my high school graduation (really presumptuous, actually). ?It turns out she and the guy liked each other and she only came up to see him. ?I had no idea. ?We had a giant fight about it, and she kept telling me all this crap about "someday I'll find my lid," wtf ever. ?
We sort of patched it up, but then she started dating this guy without my knowledge (he didn't tell me either--he's a dbag, too). ?So that went on all summer and through our freshman year. ?I didn't drop either one, and started dating DH. ?They did break up (badly), and we maintained the friendship, though began e-mailing less and less. ?Natural endings, really.
Anyway, middle school BFF and I were always united by politics, loved Gore and hated Bush. ?Now we're facebook friends, and that's really the extent of it. ?I saw she supported Huckabee in the primaries, which really weirded me out and I said something to the effect of "Huckabee? ?What happened?" ?And she was all, "I vote for the best man!" ?Now she's joined a McCain/Palin group, and I wrote, "Oh middle school bff, what happened to our Gore loving days? ?Well, I guess GA is a loss anyway... ?:)"
She wrote "You made a similar comment to me a few months ago, and I appreciate it even less now than I did then. Good luck to your state."
I kind of want to unfriend her. ?Get the fuuck over yourself. ?At this point, we really don't have anything in common, nor do I value her friendship. In fact, a friend of mine from high school sent a McCain button to another friend, and wrote on the gift, "Maybe we should send a couple to Bunnybean." ?I wrote to both of them, joking back. ?It's no big deal to me.
You ladies will appreciate this; she wouldn't get engaged to her fiance until he bought her a 2 carat pear shaped ring. ?She's that girl. ?That alone makes me want to vomit, to say nothing of the fact that she's apparently now a humorless douche. ?
Am I just too testy? ?Or maybe can you just not expect to continue to be friends with someone you knew over ten years ago when you were 13??
Re: Was this too far? Long ass story you probably don't want to read
It's always sad when friendships end, and I always have a really hard time letting go--even when I know it's time.
But it doesn't sound like there's much there, ya know? I say unfriend her. Your comments seemed like they were lighthearted and jokey and if she doesn't get your sense of humor (which I enjoy), it's probably time to move on.
meh. Stay facebook friends. She is actually someone you know IRL, and you never know when something might come up where a connection to her would be beneficial in some way to either of you.
But I'm the type who likes to collect friends, so... yeah.
I've had to go through a similar situation with my BFF since 1st grade, so I know exactly what you are going through. It sounds like it's time to let go after your explanation of your history together. She should know (or at least recognize) your sense of humour by now so her testy comment was unnecessary. GL!
Thanks, Brookles! ?I think she doesn't get me either, maybe that's it. ?I have a horrible time letting go. ?I recounted this story to DH, who thinks I should have unfriended her years ago. ?When we got engaged, she asked to be a bridesmaid (?!?) but I didn't even end up inviting her to the wedding, since we only had family really. ?
Marquis, that's my usual impulse, too. ?I am just really irritated by her comments. ?Maybe I'm reading too much into them.?
Thanks, everyone. ?I definitely won't be talking to her anymore, and I might actually unfriend her.
I agree with others that you might as well not be friends with this person if the only thing you ever had in common was politics. ?But seriously, she handled the first interaction well--she no longer agrees with you politically, and the first time you brought it up, she tried to deflect with a "I vote for the best man!" ?When you then came BACK at her regarding her views again and basically dismissed the importance of her state, I don't think she was out of line at all in the way she responded to you. ?
I guess what I'm saying is she wouldn't be out of line to be wishing you'd get the fuuck over yourself either. ?You're the one who keeps bringing up the politics battle, not her.?
Deductive reasoning isn't a conservative or liberal attribute. ~epphd
You're right, yeah4me, I probably was being too antagonistic. ?We probably shouldn't be friends--I really don't know whether the slightest thing will hurt her feelings. ?I don't know her anymore.
I guess it just surprises me that someone I used to know really well could change so fundamentally. ?I think it's her fiance's influence, actually. ?I was really shocked to see her actually actively support McCain/Palin.?
Many friendships naturally end. It's okay. It sounds like your commonality was a love for Gore in junior high. People do a lot of changing from middle school to adulthood: priorities, politics, etc. So your friend changed her political affiliations. Pretty normal stuff. Certainly nothing to end a friendship over. However, her reactions to you are not the way someone would respond to a "friend." Your comments were not out of line but her responses were testy in a way that makes me think she doesn't really value the friendship anymore, regardless of politics. I probably wouldn't "defriend" her b/c I think this move is a little dramatic but I would probably disengage a bit.
BTW, why would it be presumptuous for someone to come to a high school graduation? If this is something that bothered you, to the point in including it in your story, it sounds like your issues with each other have little to do with Facebook comments regarding politics. JMO.
Ehhhh...I hardly think changing your political views from the time you were 13 to adulthood is that shocking. Most middle school kids don't know anything about politics at all. Maybe she did, but I find it hard to believe an 8th grader can comprehend all the nuances of health care, judicial nominations, economics, and foreign policy. To be honest, I think it's a little strange that you think her middle school beliefs were her "real" ones and her adulthood beliefs are the ones susceptible to influence by a man.
But the diamond bit makes her sound like a tool, so it's probably not a huge loss.
The former politics comment is misleading; we didn't care in middle school, we cared in high school (through our long distance friendship). We were 17 in the 2000 election. Sorry!
LMW, I felt it was presumptuous for her to come to my graduation because we had limited space in our house and tickets. My extended family was in town for it, stayed with us, and needed the tickets. I didn't invite her to it. She just announced she was coming. We ended up having a ticket for her, and she stayed with me in my double bed. Still, it was a lot of pressure for my mom, we were having a grad party for me, we had my grandparents, brother and SIL, and my friend, who we had to entertain and take care of, while she was really interested in trying to have sex with the guy I liked (not trying to defend the guy. He was a horrible person who kept me around as a friend, led me on, and all the while nailed a million other girls, always saying he should really just be with me, I was the only one who "got" him, etc).
Anyway, I will definitely be cutting the lines of communication.
Oh that makes much more sense and I can see how that would be annoying if you were not expecting her and if her real motivations were not to celebrate you but instead get a little something-something from a boy.
I'm still facebook friends with the terdface that raises my blood pressure with each new piece of Prop 8 propoganda, so you can probably gauge my propensity for unfriending people.
My advice is 1) quit the passive aggressive small talk; you guys don't see eye to eye politically anymore and it doesn't sound like she's interested in giving you the story about her "conversion" (maybe she was worried about how you'd react, knowing you don't agree, and therefore came out guns blazing?) 2) ignore anything with her name on it until after the election. If she's still making your blood boil after the election dies down, then unfriend her.
Considering I have friends who are both very conservative and very liberal and we all respect one another, I think this is not about politics.
People grow and go in different directions. It seems like you have outgrown this friendship. It sounds like there is not longer any foundation for a friendship other than your middle school experiences. I would just let this die a natural death.
The second time, I'd have responded back in kind, making a JOKE about how I've come to my senses and I hold out hope that you do, too. I mean, come on! If you can't joke with friends of different persuasions, who can you joke with?
A guy at work and I banter back and forth over this stuff. No harm, no foul. Your fbff has a pole up her butt.
And I agree, this isn't really about politics.
People grow and go in different directions. It seems like you have outgrown this friendship. It sounds like there is not longer any foundation for a friendship other than your middle school experiences. I would just let this die a natural death.
Ditto this right here...
It sounds like for a few reasons your relationship with this person has changed a lot. There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be friends with her anymore.
I know I've read articles in the past about how women often hang on to friendships and relationships that are not good for them. If you're not comfortable with this person in your life, I say move on. (And I'm saying this as someone who agonized for years about cutting ties with her former HS BFF...)
People change. There's no reason to hang onto those who have changed into people you don't recognize or who have become so different than you.
Based upon the above, I think you have your answer.
BB, if the only real way you two know about each other is through status updates or "Ex-BFF just joined the group McCain for King of America!", then there's no friendship there to worry about saving at this point. If those updates upset you, you can either 1) un-friend her, and if she a. notices and b. gets in touch, you can tell her why. or 2) change your settings so you don't get her updates anymore.
http://www.new.facebook.com/feed_prefs.php
People grow apart, but they also grow up. She sounds like a real trip, and not someone you'd choose to be friends with now. Might just be time to let this go, for your own sanity!
I am the EXACT opposite, and maybe that's why I'm not on Facebook, I'd probably have zero friends. This is definitely a person I would get rid of if I were you. Drama mama.