Visitors while planning an international move?

anna7602

Help me decide if I am being unreasonable. We're moving to Paris in early January. My ILs just decided they'd like to visit us for New Year's here in NY, before we go. I know they are anxious about not seeing us much next year, etc., and I'd love for them to get extra time with DD before we go, so I said they could come. However, I really, really hate the idea of anyone staying with us while we're packing things up. We live in a New York apartment, so things are cramped already without adding two more people sleeping and living here the week before we leave.

However, NY hotels are already outrageously expensive and are even more so during the holidays. They might feel unwelcome if we suggest a hotel, but on the other hand, I might go out of my mind if I have more people in my home while I am packing all of our belongings into various suitcases. (We're not getting movers since we're just going abroad for a year.) WWYD?

FayeD

Honestly, I'd change plans. I'd talk with DH and make the decision together and come up with an alternate plan. Or just say you apologize, it won't work, please try and come visit us in Paris. Doing a normal move is hard enough, and this is not a normal move.

NCV2

I remember feeling a bit stressed getting my few suitcases packed while saying goodbye to people at Christmas time when I moved 4 years ago and I was moving alone.  No way would I add 2 people to my NYC apt.  

 

I agree with Faye decide between yourself and your H what is best for your family and then talk to the IL.  Will they visit? 

titicole

My parents came right before we moved to S.  Korea last year and we live in a tiny place.  They actually stayed with a friend of ours walking distance away and watch DS while we did the packing which was an incredible help.  They also helped in packing.  Maybe you could recruit them to help in some way shape or form.  They left 4 days before we moved.

fbf2006

I'd definitely let my inlaws or parents stay with us. I live in a NYC apartment and would just deal with it for the short period that it's going to be.

gblake

I'd let them come with the idea they were going to help one way or another. They would either watch DD or help pack.

neeps

fbf2006:

I'd definitely let my inlaws or parents stay with us. I live in a NYC apartment and would just deal with it for the short period that it's going to be.

I agree with this. I would think they could be helpful to have around. They could take your daughter out to the park, etc.  So you could get more done.

pokepoke27

gblake:

I'd let them come with the idea they were going to help one way or another. They would either watch DD or help pack.

 This. I would basically explain to them that you are going to be very busy and that things will be hectic. Say that you would love to see them but would hate for them to feel ignored/neglected etc while you pack. This should prompt a "Oh, we can help!" kind of response.

hamilton.ja

My IL's came to stay when we were moving from the UK to the US. They arrived while the apartment was being packed up and DH was hungover from a night out drinking tequila with his work mates and DS had tonsilitis and we'd spent the whole day before in the A&E. It wasn't ideal but it is what it is. You have to make family work and sometimes its not that convenient but trust me you'd regret it if you tried to reschedule this or asked them to stay somewhere else.

FayeD

No matter what, you and your DH should be on the same page. If you want them to come, great. If you don't want them to come, that's ok as well. But if you expect them to help then I would say to ask them now to do that. Make plans that they can do, you can make arrangements for specific things, and you have a good idea of what your "helped out time" will be vs your "hosting time".

VABeach08

Depends... if everyone was on the visit/help page with realistic expectations of the trip (e.g. jeans and dust v. tea at the Plaza and evenings at the Met), ok. 

However, if they (or you for that matter as a host) are going to be uncomfortable with paper plates and take-out, tight schedules, and, probably (if anyone involved is like me) shortened fuses, then I'd rethink it.

Overall though, I'd imagine that if they're offering, they're offering from a kind-loving place and not going to expect 'visitor' treatment.   That said, there still is another important piece and that's how you and your husband feel about having, even low-maintenance guests during such a busy, emotional time.  I personally, would prefer the week before I left (rather than having them at the last minute)  and I would short the visit down to 4days rather than a full week.

azure_azure

If it were my ILs or my parents, I would let them come. We all get along really well and I know they would help out with M.I'd also take advantage and have them watch the kid while you and your H have a night on the town with friends before moving.

I'm with the other pps, you need to discuss with your H and make sure you will both be comfortable having them there while you're packing up. 

How did the trip to Paris go? Did you find a place?

BelgianBells

Hmm that's a tough one. For me, I think I would let them come anyway and just deal with being cramped and stressed. You are getting ready to make a HUGE move and it will be harder for them to come see you and your family. I can understand that they want to hang out with you all before you leave, and I bet they would not mind helping out.

I say definitely discuss it with your H and have him mention how much packing etc you all will have to do to them - so they have realistic expectations of the visit. It's not like you can all go sightseeing. I am sure they will be happy having some time with their grandkid while you and DH get things done around the apartment.

Good luck with the move!

P.S. If you know when they are coming, I would say get as much done as you can before they come. I know it's crazy time with the Holidays, but maybe you can get most big things packed up first and it will help you be a little less stressed.