It's 4am and I'm too hopped up on roids to sleep...

FayeD

Tofu, I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm very happy that they did find out what is going on and you are being treated. I hope that you don't have to go through that physical pain again.

All the feelings and emotions you described sound completely legitimate. So much has suddenly changed for you and there is so much to process.  We're here whenever you need extra ears to listen and shoulders to lean on.

katrina_pharmd

Wow!  What a terrible ordeal.  I am glad that you are home and hope that you are feeling better.  Thinking of you.

Argggghhhhh!!  pirate style

snowyowl

It is great to see you back on the board Tofu. I'm sorry this has happened to you, but I'm so glad to hear you are out of the hospital with your family and a diagnosis! 

I hope the coming years go smoothly for you as you adjust to this. You don't need me to tell you that you are a strong, resilient person, sending all my vibes your way! 

myblueangel19

oh, tofu!  nobody deserves to go through something so horrible. I'm sorry you have had to deal with all of this, but I am glad that they figured it out in time to save you and your eyesight. You have every right to feel angry and frustrated and nobody in their right mind (with the exception of maybe some saint somewhere) would be all rainbows and roses after such an ordeal. *hugs* hope you start feeling better quickly

AmericanInOz

OMFG Tofu - wow - I am so so glad you are home and 'ok'

I think it's completely normal for you to be upset - gosh, who wouldn't be thinking 'why me?'

I just wanted to send you ((hugs)) and know everyone on here is sending you get better soon and just be strong vibes. You are a strong lady - you will get through this.

kahleorourke

I haven't been on here in a while and just saw a few fb updates so I'm just catching up on your entire health situation.

I can only imagine how scary this is for you and your family. The feelings you are experiencing are completely normal and should be expressed. I feel for you and your family. Please know that I am thinking of you guys and keeping you close in thought. 

sushisamba

I wish I could say something to make it all better.  I've been thinking and worrying about you, and I'm so glad they finally diagnosed you and sent you home.  I hope that you continue to improve.

You totally deserve to feel the way you do.  You went through an unbelievable ordeal, and while it's not cancer (yay!), you are facing something that has had a huge impact on your life.  We're here for you whatever you need.  Count me in for an eye-patch pity party.

ExpatPumpkin

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but so happy that you're finally home.  I've thought a lot about you this last week, and I truly hope for a full recovery.  If you ever need anything, I'm in London.

lelia

EnidFalcor:

Just reading that, thinking of the fear you and your DH must have been experiencing, I am so relieved you are ok. I was reading the brief updates but this whole explanation is just so horrible.

As for the 'why me?' don't stop yourself from asking that. It's a question that, as you know, has no answer but is totally normal to ask. It's great that you have enough perspective to say 'ok, it's not cancer, I am not dying, am not the 99 year old' but as with anything, it's all relative. What you are dealing with is scary and painful and on-going and very real. You don't have to be dying to be warranted a small measure of pity for yourself! From what I know of you, you won't dwell in it long. But when you feel that way, just feel it. Just let it be what it is and don't chastize yourself for your emotions...natural, normal, scary emotions.

 Again, glad you are home with your family...try to rest!

 P.S. I was also just thinking how relieved I am that if you ever repatriate you are Canadian and not American because you'll still be able to get the treatment you need without becoming completely and utterly bankrupt over it!

This all the way!! Glad you?re home and glad you have a diagnosis and glad it?s not cancer. It?s totally ok and normal to think "why me" I?d be thinking that too.

bail229

Oh Tofu, my heart is breaking for you. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I'm glad that they were able to figure out what was wrong and you now have a plan to get you on the road to recovery. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please make sure to ask for help when you need it.

LoopyNoodle

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through so much. I can only imagine how difficult it has been. You have my admiration of your brave spirit and best wishes for full health and finding great treatments and people to get you there. .

bigfatgreekwedd

I am so glad you are home with your DH and the girls and that you are doing better. I hope that with the right treatment you will be back to normal in no time.

And the "why me" questions and freak outs are completely normal. I went through a scare earlier this year and was diagnosed with a condition that set me off to google how old children are when they can remember their parents. I think it is totally normal to freak out and if you have children it just doubles the freak out factor.

On the funny note - a friend of mine (a doctor) always says that once you hit 30 if you wake up without feeling some pain or discomfort that means that you are dead

brainie

*hugs*

little red buttons

LoopyNoodle:

I'm so sorry to hear you've been through so much. I can only imagine how difficult it has been. You have my admiration of your brave spirit and best wishes for full health and finding great treatments and people to get you there. .

This, exactly. 

I'm so sorry Tofu, what a terrible ordeal.

alwyzbsy

(((hugs))) I'm sorry, Tofu.  Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.