Sex & Romance
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If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Vibrator Dependency?
I know we talk about this a lot on here, but I was wondering if there is such a thing as vibrator dependency. Meaning, you have to use a vibrator every time during sex to orgasm, or else you can't get there. Lots of women here use one, but I wonder if during the times you don't, do you still reach orgasm during intercourse?
Is there a sort of "shame" that exists if you can't O during intercourse without one? I talk about this with my friends a lot, and I just wonder how everyone feels about this.
Sometimes during sex I feel like pulling mine out to use it, bc I know my O will happen each and every time that way, but sometimes I hesitate because of what HE might be thinking.
Re: Vibrator Dependency?
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Try a vibrating *** ring...
It might be worth having a dialogue with your partner about it. I've used my vibrator with a partner and it was the most intense O I've ever had. (He controlled it, so it wasn't just like he was sitting there watching....o.O)
And hey, if it gets you off, and he wants to get you off, why not make it a group activity?
just my $0.02 on the matter.
I have three vibrators but I use them less than I have sex. This is only because you can loose sensitivity in the vagina area with excessive vibrator use.
This would definitely work for you. I can O from intercourse, but we got a ring out of curiosity one day- wow.
Thanks for everyone's feedback. I've tried a vibrating ring before, and the difficult thing is, it doesn't provide constant on-contact stimulation, which is what I need to get there. (i.e., the constant movement, thrusting, etc.)
I like one poster's outlook - I should be able to O each and every time dangit. I have a right to
And yes, I'd be interested to see if someone has any concrete evidence or a study about losing sensitivity with frequent vibrator use...
I am like you, Kara. I have always had a very hard time orgasiming without a vibrator, which is why we got one in the first place. At first, I was ashamed and my husband was too, because he thought that he just couldn't get me there. But once I explained that it really is NOT him and it really IS me, he embraced the idea, and even bought me a nice one as a gift. It's called LELO by the way, and it's wonderful. I didn't lose sensitivity due to excessive use, I just never really had that much sensitivity in the first place. Lots of women are like us, I've learned, so I have learned not to feel bad, and neither should you. Definitely talk to your partner about it though. Let him know what the deal is, so he won't have any reservations and neither will you. My husband and I keep the toy near the bed and pretty much use it every single time. We'll start without it to build suspense and then use it at the end to finish. I think I've only climaxed a handful of times that I can remember without it, and but even those were with heavy (and prolonged) clitoral stimulation with my or his fingers. The toy definitely makes it easier and more pleasurable. Sorry if this is TMI.
Edit: Rings don't work for me either.
I am newly married, waited for sex till marriage so it is all very new to me. I haven't ever tried a vibrator, but I understand completely the need for extra stimulation in order to orgasm. Rather then getting a vib I told my hubby exactly where I need him to touch me with his hand...and WOW that works just fine. I don't quite understand why women feel the need to bring in toys when the same pleasure can be accomplished with your mans hand touching you in the same manner? I do think you have to be careful because if your husband is sensitive and wants to please you, it may really insult you if you look elsewhere.
Sanctimonious much?
Use a toy before you make any claims about how them vs. hubby's hand. I mean, I'm all about DH touching during sex, or touching myself, or whatever, but throwing a vibe into the mix is a hell of a lot of fun, too. And no, it's not the "same pleasure." Much as DH turns me on, his fingers/tongue/penis cannot focus hundreds of vibrations per second directly on my clitoris.
Sanctimonious? Really? How do you conjure that out of what I said? Because I said that I have never tried it or do not understand why women need it?
I just happen to feel that one shouldn't jump to toys if they are having issues because SUPRISE SUPRISE, some men actually find that insulting. Why not try suggesting other things that HE could do to you so that he feels he is still bringing you that satisfaction and not some plastic toy? You may be one of those women who on the other hand couldn't give a flying F how it hurts/offends your husband.
That's probably it. I mean, when he tries to give me an orgasm, I slap him across the face with a dildo. It keeps him humble.