Trouble in Paradise
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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Re: Am I thinking too much into this??
How old are you both?
It's really telling that you don't ever feel better after you talk. You can do much better than this for the person you marry. Much better. You should both be excited to get married, not giving deadlines and ultimatums.
Yeah, that's not "too many drinks in the sun and a miscommunication". Maybe the alcohol played a role in how the situation played out, but even if you hadn't been drinking and the discussion hadn't escalated to that level, the underlying issues would still be there. You said this isn't the first time this has been a subject of contention, and I'm guessing it still is.
Oh, and to PP: he ASKED for her opinion, and when two people are serious enough to be living together and talking marriage, finances and parenting absolutely should be on the table for discussion. She wasn't "dictating what he should do with his money".
yeah i totally agree it should be on the table as far as discussion.
i must have missed that he asked for her opinion. and if that was the case, then yeah, his comment was totally below the belt. but still i dont think it warranted leaving vacation early. thats way off the handle.
but also, i dont think i would be able to be in a relationship with someone long term or marry them if they didn't come to an agreement as far as money and parenting issues. that to me is another huge red flag. on his side.
and there are definitely deeper issues that need to be addressed.
1.) That is a doozy of a fight there, actually. He may have felt that you were butting into his family business and criticizing his parenting skills. There is probably some history there that you are unaware of and as the new kid on the block it may have freaked him out a bit. This is all just conjecture-- you would have to ask him why he is suddenly backpeddaling on marriage idea. I am guessing the fight and such certainly was the beginning of the end for him.
2.) Even if he asked for her opinion-- her answer should have been that it is his business to work it out with his daughter. If my SO (not Husband mind you) were in that position then I would be super wary of offering advice or my opinion on the matter. Its not my place to tell him what to do with his kid. If the daughter uses him as an ATM with legs then that is something he will have to address with her. OP may not like it or agree with it, but that is their dynamic for now. It can only get messy when she starts throwing her weight around even if he asks.
3.) OP your best bet is to just get the skinny from him. He might be waiting for you to get fed up and leave so he doesn't have to be the bad guy. You both have to bite the bullet and be adults about this situation. Get it all out in the open and see where you want to go from there. Its only fair to both of you to get the lay of the land and be fully informed so that you can both make decisions for yourselves appropriately. Good luck.
If he wants to marry me, he'll ask; and I'll tell him. Yes or no. But this how about someday maybe if I asked you what would you say? Not on your life.
Honestly, if he wanted to marry you then...he will. It just sounds like another case of "he's just not that into you"...
Don't waste your time.
Here is the point, I needed a viewpoint from otuside of our bubble here and I got it. It was what I knew but questioned. Its clear, I just have to follow through with my intentions now and move forward. No ultimatums, just best wishes all around and set up my new life looking forward!
Thank you everyone.
Good for you. In your next relationship, if the guy ever brings up your father's death and the fact that you were raised by a single parent in way that's meant to hurt and belittle you and your opinion, GTFO.
Stop talking about this and set your mental date. Then follow thru as needed. Be prepared leave - keep your finances separate and be able to support yourself. Do not buy a house together, do not have joint bank accounts. Have an exit fund in place.
Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.
What is the age difference between you and his daughter?
What is the age difference between your father and your boy friend?