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DD as a flower girl, but not sure if we can go
My mom mentioned that my cousin is planning on asking me if DD can be a flower girl in his wedding next year (September). I don't know if my cousin will ever call to ask or not, but I want to be ready.
The wedding location (also where cousin lives) is about 7-8 hr flight from where we live.
I admit, it would be nice to see my DD be a flower girl, but:
1. It's far
2. I never planned on attending, but I may end up feeling like I should go because of all my family who will be attending. It may look odd that I'm the only one not attending.
3. I/We would definitely not go if I get pregnant. We plan to TTC early next year.
So, if cousin calls, what should I say? Do I really want to go? I'm 50/50. 
I know, your suggestions will be based on either "yes" or "no". Any advice would be fine or what you would do.
FYI, I'm not very close with this cousin.
Re: DD as a flower girl, but not sure if we can go
Does your H want to go? Did your mom say when your cousin would ask?
... Would it be too weird to tell your cousin that you're TTC and if you're pregnant you won't be able to make it? Can someone else take DD if you can't go?
I'd politely decline. Do you really want to spend 1500 on tickets/hotel for you/dh/dd for this cousin you barely know, when you're TTC? Or, conversely, do you really want to share your plans for conception with a near stranger and any family member she chooses to tell?
And hell no, you do not want to travel when you're in the third trimester; it's miserable.
H did not want to go, but is considering it if DD will be a flower girl.
No, my mom did not say anything when cousin will call. Who knows, maybe the couple will change their minds. But I would like to be ready on what to say if cousin ever calls.
No, we have no family around to take DD if we can't go. Even if there's someone, I don't think I will let DD go without me or H.
We prefer to keep TTC private.
I would say to the cousin that I'm so honored that he's asking DD to be a flower girl. However, at this point, you're not sure that you can commit. You very much want to come to the wedding, but due to some other factors, you're not sure yet if you'll be able to. Then ask when he needs a firm answer.
If by the time he needs a firm answer, if you still don't know, then just be honest and say that you can't committ DD to the role when you simply aren't sure if you'll be able to go or not.
And as for the pressure to go (your #2) - DH's family is huge and they see weddings as family reunions. We try to go to as many as we can, but it's just not always feasible. I NEVER go to a wedding just because "it will look bad" if we don't.
Also, I'll say this... this is a male cousin? And one you aren't close to? And supposedly he wants your DD to be a flowergirl? My take - one of two things is going on. Either they "need" a flower girl and your DD fits the bill, so his FI wants to ask her. OR someone on your side feels your DD "should be" the flower girl and are putting pressure on him to ask.
I have a feeling that your cousin isn't going to be heartbroken if you say "no", to be perfectly honest.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Very good point. Yep, the tickets/hotel would definitely be expensive!
I like this!!! Thanks.
LOL. Yes, I think you are right. I was actually suprised when my mom told me about it. On the last wedding we attended, I heard some family wondering and making comments about why the couple did not ask DD to be a flower girl. lol.
I mean, your cousin might be hearing that you're upset that your DD wasn't asked! (Ugh, I'd hope not, but this kind of stuff can get out of control!)
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Don't worry, I wasn't upset at all.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
Oh I think I skipped over reading this was a cousin you barely know/talk to. And because of that I agree with PP that they "need" a FG and DD is the best fit so that's why they may be asking.
I like the idea of just asking when they need to know by, but reassure them how honored you are that they asked.
Like PP's, I would wait until your cousin asks. Then I would respond that while you are so honored that they would ask your DD to be part of their wedding, but that you just can't be sure that you guys would be able to commit to attending, so you must decline their lovely offer. Tell them that things are in flux for you and you would hate to have to back out later, so they should ask someone else. But you are so touched that they would think of DD.
I am going to suggest that your DD was asked because they wanted to include someone from your cousin's side of the family. Perhaps, by declining, you will make the bride happier because she can then involve the daughter of a friend.
I think it would be really weird for your cousin to include a not-close, out of town, cousin's daughter in his wedding party. Really weird.
I think this is more about two sister talking about the cousins and cousin's LO's .. or maybe a grandmother connecting the dots. It would be really odd that a groom is talking about reaching out to a distant cousin to include her daughter in his wedding.
I think ECB gave the perfect response.
Did your mom hear directly from your cousin that he is planning to ask your daughter to be the flower girl, or did she hear that from someone else or make an assumption? You might be stressing yourself out over a decision you might not even have to make.
Even if he does end up asking her, if the only reason you would go to this wedding is that your daughter is the flower girl, I would just politely decline altogether. If you're not close with him, he's probably a near-stranger to your daughter and there's no reason she needs to be in his wedding, especially when it will cost so much money for you to attend.
I agree with PPs.
Since you're not particularly close with these individuals, I'm guessing if your DD is asked, it's because they're thinking she's the perfect age for a flower girl. I know people who do this. They get married, then brainstorm to figure out if they "know" a little girl who'd be a good flower girl (good age, etc). This sounds terrible, but I cannot remember who my sister's flower girl was. Maybe one of her friends' children? (I didn't have a flower girl or a ringbearer). In my opinion, young children should be left out of the ceremony unless they're REALLY close to the bride or groom.
Anyhoo, I would just say you're very honored and it was so nice of them to ask, but you're not sure you'll be able to attend the wedding due to the distance/budget/timing whatever.