SIL visiting...so stressed!

MrsBini10

I just found out my SIL, who is 20 and in college in Minnesota, will be staying with us December 23 to January 3. Now, we did invite her for Christmas but that time period is my entire Christmas break. I barely know her (though she seems nice enough) and I will be home with her while DH is at work that entire time except for 2 days he will have off. How am I ever going to entertain her?! I was so looking forward to time off and now I feel like I won't be able to relax. This sucks.

myblueangel19

Well she is 20 and not 15, so there is nothing wrong with having her entertain herself some of the time. She is old enough to go out exploring, shopping, to the cinema, etc by herself from time to time. I'm sure it will be fine! Maybe she will want a little one-on-one time with her nephew so that you will have a bit of time out  with some friends or just by yourself!

MrsBini10

Thing is she doesn't drive and around here you need a car to go anywhere. 

frlcb

Make sure she knows that you won't be able to drive her around doing stuff every day, and maybe set aside 2 days where she can choose stuff she would like to do and you guys can do it. And think of it from another perspective, more hands to help with the baby!

kelly321

frlcb:

Make sure she knows that you won't be able to drive her around doing stuff every day, and maybe set aside 2 days where she can choose stuff she would like to do and you guys can do it. And think of it from another perspective, more hands to help with the baby!

This!! Ask her if she would mind playing with Minbini for a while and take the time to get stuff done (or just take a nice long, hot bath with a big glass of wine ;-)).

pokepoke27

I can see how you'd feel awkward about that. You don't need to keep her entertained every single day, she's a big girl : ) Who knows, maybe she'll just enjoy chatting with you over some hot coffee or something? I know my FMIL and I bonded over many cups of tea while I was in England!

EnidFalcor

kelly321:

frlcb:

Make sure she knows that you won't be able to drive her around doing stuff every day, and maybe set aside 2 days where she can choose stuff she would like to do and you guys can do it. And think of it from another perspective, more hands to help with the baby!

This!! Ask her if she would mind playing with Minbini for a while and take the time to get stuff done (or just take a nice long, hot bath with a big glass of wine ;-)).

I can see why this is stressful, but one way to alleviate that stress is by putting some boundaries in place! Maybe send her a message and say you are looking forward to a nice relaxing break and you're glad you two can have some down time to get to know each other and for her to know minibini. Tell mrBini ahead of time you feel up to x number of outings or x number of days touring around/taking her shopping/whatever, but otherwise you really feel you need the rest. That way he is on the same page as you are.

FWIW, when I had a new niece (before I had a baby of my own) I really wanted to bond with her but felt super self-conscious about what I might be doing 'wrong' when my SIL was around. She might actually appreciate some time alone with minibini (even if you are just in the bath or cooking a meal in a different room) so she can get to know him but not feel worried that she is worrying you...does that make sense?

allibally

Let he enjoy bonding with minibini. Remind her that it's your x-mas break and you want to relax too. Plus remember she's a college student and might not mind the quiet break too. I'm guessing that's she has extra time off as a college student and she can surely fill the "party time" in those spots.

FayeD

I get it. New baby, stressful delivery, changing dynamics with DH, already back at work, and there's been this light at the end of the tunnel regarding a break to relax. And now it feels like that time is already gone before it's here and the next break seems so far in the distance.

Creating boundaries will be as much for you as for her. If you already have your list of "need to do" and "want to do" with your time off then it helps you get those done and helps her fit into those plans.

Ask DH about her likes, dislikes, and interests. Maybe she enjoyes baking. Maybe she enjoys sleeping until noon. Maybe she likes movie marathons in the evening and with a stack of dvds or streaming video access will retire to her room at night giving the two of you some privacy. Maybe she would want to be dropped off somewhere all day to explore by herself. Hard to plan because you don't know her but see what you can find out.

Is there a chance DH could take her into work with him and then she would have access to public transit? She could explore from there.

Take lots of deep breaths. Prepare as you can. Carve out some specific time for yourself. You'll do just fine.

LadyMadrid08

myblueangel19:

Maybe she will want a little one-on-one time with her nephew so that you will have a bit of time out  with some friends or just by yourself!

I'm a big fan of this idea.    If you find you can trust her to watch MiniBini you could take some time, even if it's just an hour or so, for yourself.  Also, some days I would just explain to her that you need some downtime and you're going to spend the day watching tv or something.  And since she's in school in the US she probably has a lot of friends she'll be chatting with off and on so hopefully you won't have to entertain her all the time.

Sounds like a bummer compared to whatever you had in mind for your time off, but I hope you get along great and have fun! 

NCV2

I agree with all the other very smart ladies and I also really get what you are saying.

Could you drop her off at a train station so she could see Boston a few days?  I am also looking at this from her perspective and I don't think I would want to hang out with a lady who just had a baby for 10 days when I was 20, no offense.  I would just want to get out and see a new city.   It's really a win-win.