Starting Over
CarrotsMakeMeFat
member
Dear Community,
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
Let's start a running list (trapper keeper style). What makes you F'ed up?
Let me count the ways on why I am a train wreck.
- I'm still dating the first person post separation.
- I started dating before my divorce was final.
- I have Catholic guilt issues.
- My cat pretty much died as a result of some unfortunate events - SO's dog initially traumatizing my cat, a break in, and the cat's ultimate demise.
- #4 results in extreme guilt & I can barely go to Petsmart without seeing homeless cats and crying.
- I was still in my "oh my God will this work out" phase when SO and I first started messing around (long distance no less).
- SO still kinda sorta had a thing for another girl around the time frame of #6.
- We've lived together 10 months now & I'm still petrified of marriage. In fact, I may never re-marry at all.
- I stopped going to therapy all because I moved over 50 miles away from her & I was too lazy to find someone else. Hence the unresolved issues from #8.
- My divorce has only been final for a year. I moved in with SO right around the same time (after we'd been together for maybe 11 months).
Who wants to add their list? Don't leave me hanging.
Re: Let's start a running list (trapper keeper style). What makes you F'ed up?
1. I'll be moving in with my BF after dating him for 9 months.
2. I have terrible body-image issues.
3. I have almost no relationship with my little brother.
4. I have social anxiety, though it has gotten better over time.
5. Ummm, uhhhh, that might be all that I've got. Maybe minordeets can help me out.
11. I keep trying to find something wrong with Mr. K, but I keep failing miserably.
12. While I think I want to get married, it scares the_shit outta me thinking about it.
13. Obviously, I have issues with saying "I love you." Neither of us have said it to one another since the first time.
They see us rollin'...they be hatin'.
I'll play.
1. I don't think I have the capacity for a relationship because I'm too selfish and consumed with my friends.
2. My main reason for wanting a relationship is because I'm afraid I will loose my friends to the SOs they eventually find.
3. I have a job, but barely make enough to support myself, despite years of experience and a good track record.
4. Shopping makes everything better. But due to number 3, it has now been supplemented with bad food.
5. I have no motivation to exercise or eat right because no one is going to see me naked in the near future.
6. When I really think about it television, drinking and eating are my only real hobbies that I enjoy and I have no desire to change that.
1. I was separated for about a year before I got around to filing for divorce.
2. I have a lot of tattoos and piercings.
3. I take my clothes off and let people take pictures of me.
4. Drinking is something I do way too much of.
5. Pack a day smoker!
6. BF tends bar and plays in a bad, which makes him a target for drunk, sex-starved women all the time.
7. I live over a 2 car garage with a one-eyed cat.
8. I've got a good job, but I can't budget to save my life, and live paycheck to paycheck.
9. Only child. Enough said!
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
Zelda, do you have a PIP of the cat? I promise I will try not to cry...you know since I have cat issues and all.
1. I started dating before my divorce was final as well
2. I was divorced by the age of 22
3. I remained friends for months after my divorce with my ex even though we really didn't have a reason to be friends. (I finally cut ties on that)
4. I have never even attended a therapy session
5. Things are going really well with SO and I (despite my early relationship freak out that Minordeets called attention to) and we spend most nights together.
6. *Edit* Oh, and my mom is in prison
1.) I got revenge in the monetary form with my XH and took everything from him including having his gf evicted which caused their break up and made a huge ding in his military career.
2.) I have a thing for military from being a military brat and being a former military wife. SO is a cpt in the army.
3.) I still live at home and have been since DS was 2 months old. This however, has enabled me to get ahead and buy a house.
4.) I still have issues with making a commitment thanks to XH. The crazy poster below wasn't too far off in that I am a doormat with the exception of putting up with cheating, abuse and deadbeats. I just can't make decisions on smaller things or find my voice to speak on things like what I want to do today, where to go eat, I rather not have sex in the living room.
5.) I haven't introduced too many people to DS but am very happy that he has finally found someone he thinks of as a father figure. Eventhough I don't know what the outcome of my relationship with Z is, I'm going to do what I think is in the best interest for DS and working with a counselor to make sure of that.
6.) I have been obessed with looking at wedding dresses eventhough I have no interest right now in getting married, at least not in the next year or so.
I'm sure there is more but this is off the top of my head.
Aw. This is my Annabelle. She is soft like a bunny and loves to be spooned.
This will probably post twice. For whatever reason, tinypic sees double when I use it.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
I am the same way but with looking at engagement rings. I have no interest in getting married anytime soon but shiny things intrigue me.
::rolls up sleeves::
1. I engage my XH because I like having something to complain about
2. I'm attracted to men who drive pick up trucks, have tattoos, and are significantly older than me (12 yr age gap min please)
3. When I get mad I yell at service people
4. I am going through a religious identity crisis because of country music
5. I took semi-nude pics for XH but he never appreciated them. I now send them to my "special friend" because I look amazing in them.
6. I have a new "special friend" (no, not the one who got the school girl outfit, a different one)
ETA: 7. I live at home with my parents and 8. I hook up at work because I work alone and my bosses are in FL for a month. This is payback for being alone for 8 hours a day and wanting to poke my eyeballs out.
1. I love being alone in my new house.
2. I think my cat's anxiety has diminished since the move and she's a much happier cat.
3. I wish I could sleep through the holiday's and not see my family since I'm sure most of the will be asking about H.
4. I'm a smoker.
5. For the past week, I've consummed almost a bottle of wine a night.
6. I don't miss H at ALL and when I hear from him, I feel as though I'm talking to a stranger and not someone that I've loved for 9 years.
7. It has been almost 3 months since I've been laid and it sucks. (TMI)
I love her!!!!
Me too. We met on Craigslist!
I'm sorry that your kitty is no longer around. It's so hard when to lose a pet.
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
1. I got married with 24 hours of getting a ring.
2. I apparently get pregnant easily.
3. I started dating before my divorce was final. Though I was legally seperated for 11 months.
4. I was in therapy for a year.
5. I will not marry my SO until I live with them for at least 6 months. Yes, that means I am going to live with someone before we are married!
6. I introduced my BF to my daughter after only 3ish months together.
8. BF and I are talking about living together this spring around the 1 year mark of our relationship.
9. I let X's parents take our/my dog. I did not have the energy to take care of her and a baby after X's arrest, I just was not in a great place.
10. I very little in savings right now.
11. I work in cardiology and I am currently 10-15lbs overweight. I have pretty unhealthy eating habit right now even though I have been good in the past and know I can do better. ::takes bite of cheeseburger::
1. I am afraid to be alone because I feel like no one could ever love me like I want to be loved.
2. I love my BF even though I'd like to stab him in the face at least every other day.
3. Commitment scares the living bejeezus out of me. BF mentioned eventually getting married someday, I agreed, and then texted my ex- buddy and had a two day sexting convo with him.
4. I too, am a pack a day smoker.
5. I also smoke marijuana every.day.
6. I don't eat every day because I think I'll get much fatter than I already am.
7. I barely make enough money to live. I have $0.94 in my checking account until next.friday. OhshitI'mfucked.
It was rough. I had people on MM telling me to dump my SO over it.
Long story short - dog and cat didn't get along (dog was his for 7 yrs, cat was mine for 2). We tried a bunch of stuff. SO and I got into a fight about it, he had to go away for work. While he was away someone broke into our place and the animals got loose. Dog was fine, but cat was run over by a car. SO came back early to help me through it, but it was a BAAAAD month.
Oh my god, that is absolutely awful. I am so, so, so sorry!
So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.
1. I moved in with my now H after 4 months of dating (that's right Bowies, FOUR, I have you beat in the trainwreck moving in togetherness!)
2. I was still living with my XFI when I met my now H (we were just roommates trying to find someone to take sublet my room, but it was still weird)
3. H is the first man I dated after XFI
4. My father is an alcoholic. I tried so hard to get his clean and sober, but it took him losing everything to finally do it. I still resent him for what he put me through, but I love him. He was never an angry or a mean drunk and he never said hurtful things to me. I'm resentful he couldn't stop for his kids.
5. I have never seen my mother single and she has been married 4 times. She had one husband before me, then my dad, went from my dad straight to marriage number 3, went from that marriage to her boyfriend's house and went from him to husband 4.
6. Everyone in my family (except me) was married or had a baby by 21. I'm including all my female cousins. Being raised in the South can mess with your idea of normal-I'm the odd one here.
7. H is always hot and I am always cold. We argue about what to set the thermostat at and whether to have the fan on at night. How did we ever think this would work?
8. I have very little filter. 85% of the time, if I think it, I say it.
1. I got pregnant our of wedlock and then married by Baby Daddy 3 years later only to get divorced 2 years after that.
2. I have major body issues and can be insecure.
3. Ive been with my BF for 5 months now and we practically live together...
4. I have major baby fever even though I know it would be the worst idea ever to have a baby right now.
5. Im still trying to muster up the courage to say ILY to my BF.
1. I started dating a month after filing for divorce from my STBXH.
2. I wasn't divorced when I started dating and I'm still not divorced.
3. My bf isn't divorced either (they have filed and have been living apart for over a year, but still, I think that's train wreck worthy.)
4. I met my bf's daughter (and STBXW) after only 5 months, not the recommended 6.
5. I have not gone to therapy about the divorce (or anything else), and I have no plans to.
6. I want a baby. I'm not going to try to have one and I'm on bc pills (which I take correctly) but I still want one badly, and consider my lack of a child rather heartbreaking.
7. Two of the major reasons why I left my husband were because of issues with ED and his weight, which I guess makes me a superficial biatch.
8. I didn't live with my STBXH before we got married, so obviously I have poor decision making skills.
9. I have considered moving in together with my bf after the 9-month mark if things are still going strong then. That's obviously too soon and a sure sign of a rebound relationship.
10. I live less than a mile away from my parents, I have keys to their house and they have keys to mine. I drop by frequently, speak to my mother almost every day on the phone and see them at least twice a week. My mother comes over my house when I'm not there (although she generally lets me know she's going to do it before she does.) We are obviously codependent and have an unhealthy, train wreck worthy relationship.
Hmm...
1. I have trust issues thanks to XH.
2. I have Catholic guilt issues.
3. I was married at 21 to a man who turned out to be an abusive arsenugget.
4. I was divorced by 25.
5. I flinch if someone moves toward me too fast or a man raises his voice at me.
6. I haven't been to therapy since my move in July.
7. I started dating before my divorce was final.
8. BF and I started dating just before the finalization.
9. I adore BF and know that he's great for me, but sometimes I still feel skittish.
I'm sure I'll come up with more later.
1. I stayed with STBX for 7 months after I learned of his affair, trying to make it work
2. I actually believed STBX when he would lie to me, though I knew better
3. I have bipolar disorder and am not taking meds for it (In my defense, my counselor believes they are not necessary now as something with the pregnancy stabilized everything. Woohoo! Also, those meds are the reason I have DS)
4. I agreed to wait until after the holidays before filing for divorce (and then decided not to and am talking with a lawyer. hehe)
5. I got engaged to STBX after only dating 6 months (blame my parents! They only knew each other 3 months when they got engaged and have been happily married for 28+ years now!)
6. I have serious trust issues because of STBX and several friends that sided with him
1. I had a child out of wedlock and broke up with my Ex before DD was even born.
2. It gives me extreme pleasure to imagine bad things happening to Ex, and I don't think it's in DD's best interest that he be involved in her life.
3. It's been well over a year since I split with Ex and I've dated a little bit, but really don't have a desire to date very much. I'm completely over Ex, but I just don't feel like putting the time or effort into meeting someone new.
4. Despite #3, I really do want to meet someone and get married and have a family. I have a fear that I'm just one of those people who will never get married.
5. My social life is pretty much non-existant right now. I go to work, go home and take care of DD, watch tv and go to bed. The next day is an exact repeat of the day before. I know I need to make time for myself, but haven't made it a priority.
1) I told XH I wanted a divorce after coming home from TDY (work travel) and having met (gotten know better) current BF
2) was dating BF before divorce was final (granted it only took a month for it to be final)
3) moved in with BF a week after divorce was final
4) both of us are totally contemplating marriage with in the year
5) I don't like having a dog...(BF came with the dog)
6) but I love my kitten so much I will do my best to be a good dog owner. It doesn't help that the kitten loves the dog.
7) I work with BF, in fact he works next door and is on one of my major program and consults on another. So I can't put him in for awards.
1. The night I decided to leave h, we got into a HUGE fight in Baltimore city. H yelling and cussing, my father yelling and cussing, me crying and begging them to stop. Like total white trash. I die a little inside just thinking about it.
2. It's only been a month since I left, but I've looked on match, just to see what kind of guys are there.
3. I'm living with my parents and probably will for the foreseeable future.
4. After talking to a lawyer and realizing how long it will take to get our divorce finalized, I'm thinking I'll probably end up dating before it's final, even though I used to judge people for it.
5. I have credit card debt.
* I had major mommy issues til I hit my 30s cuz my mother moved out when I was 8 to go live w her BF (we have a good relationship now tho)
* I apparently harbor and hold in a significant amount of resentment towards stbx.. enough in which I told him the other night I'd slit his effing throat (ughh. cringing.. can't even believe I said that!!)
* Oh.. going back to the 1st thing... my mom's BF .. yeeeaaaah, he was my oldest sis's BF first! ..how did I forget to mention that (hello Jerry Springer!)
* I ignored major reg flags in my marriage (working on that)
* I always seem to fall for the liars & cheaters aka assclowns... so any future relationship I have will probably be doomed
I'll play...
1. I was married at 19. Had a baby. Divorced at 22. Young and stupid. Hindsight we should have stuck it out butttt.....
2. Got remarried at 25. Divorced at 29. He ended up cheating on me and is a drug addict. Not sure where things went wrong but they did.
3. I am dating a man that is not yet divorced. They have been seperated for almost 2 years. Been going through the divorce for a little over a year.
4. Said man is amazing. But I'm scared. Almost like things are too good to be true so I hold back on my feelings which I know will end up making or breaking us in the end.
5. I don't care to seek counseling. I have a supportive family and friends. I feel they give me straight forward advice even if they know it's not what I want to hear.
Holy he!!..I AM a trainwreck! But I'm happy and that's all that matters, right?!
I never really post around here, but I am a regular lurker. Let's see how crazy I make all of you think I am...
1) I'm not sure that STBX and I should have ever gotten married
2) I was cheated on by STBX with a girl from Craigslist
3) I am not at all sad that I left STBX and more cried over the inconvenience of it all
4) I am attracted to emotionally unavailable men. But, I think I am attracted to them because, I too, am emotionally unavailable...thanks to the ex.
5) I live in a one-bedroom apartment with two cats...I am soon becoming the cat lady.
6) I kiss on the first date
7) I have even been known to have sex on the first date...
8) I have tattoos and I teach the youth of America with said visible tattoos
9) I swear like a sailor when I'm not in the classroom
10) I drink like one, too
11) I have no money, ever, because I choose to spend it on clothes and going out to happy hour with my friends
12) I have no intentions of ever having kids
13) Or getting married again
14) I recently lost 30 pounds, but I can't seem to realize that I really do fit into smaller clothes. I have to try the same shirt on in two different sizes, several times, before I can tell myself that it fits.
I think that's it, but if I think of anything else, I'll let you know.