WWIN call it? (we made 'us' legal today)

NLfoodie

My guy and I (the one I always refer to as FH, for lack of better acronyming) just came back from the notary (Dutch family/estate lawyer appointed by the state) and signed a contract that makes us offical life partners (the so called 'samenlevingscontract' - literally a 'live together contract').

The contract is a legal binding documents that basically gives us the same rights and obligations as a marriage with a prenup, oh and we both signed a will naming eachother as the sole beneficiaries as well. NL doesn't have common law (marriages).

So we're now tied together by an official legal document!!

So what would IN call him now. FH or FI sounds stupid, as well, we're not engaged and the chances of us actually having a wedding are slim. I refuse to call him my boyfriend anymore, as really, we own a house together, we named each other in our will and have this legal document saying we belong together. My 'life partner' sounds to me like we're gay, and SO kinda does too I think.

Give me advice please. Not just for on TN, but what would you do in real life as well? Would you just call him your husband, or something entirely different? 

Whatever I'll call him, I'm really happy we made it legal today! :-)

pokepoke27

I would just call him a husband. Because, really, that's what he is. And if you signed a legal document, then aren't you officially husband and wife? If my FI and I walked into a court house and signed a marriage contract we'd be married, even if we didn't have a fancy ceremony or reception. I think this sounds like the same thing.

NLfoodie

It's not a marriage contract though, that's another legal document The main difference between this and a marriage document is that if we'd want to split up, we won't need a judge - we either decide it amongst ourselves, or, if we don't agree on splitting up, one can send the other a certified letter giving 1 months notice to end the contract.

But yeah, besides all that, with having to take care of each other and supporting each other financially, it's like a marriage.  

 

The Irish Gal

NLfoodie:

It's not a marriage contract though, that's another legal document The main difference between this and a marriage document is that if we'd want to split up, we won't need a judge - we either decide it amongst ourselves, or, if we don't agree on splitting up, one can send the other a certified letter giving 1 months notice to end the contract.

But yeah, besides all that, with having to take care of each other and supporting each other financially, it's like a marriage.  

 

I'm liking this bit! 1 month's notice... 

Sorry, I'm not much help with naming suggestions... simply partner rather than life partner?

 

NLfoodie

The Irish Gal:

I'm liking this bit! 1 month's notice... 

We really laughed about that one, it just sounds so ridiculous. I can soooo imagine the letter!

Dear [name],

The guy at the grocery store looked especially cute today and he winked at me. He also told me he gets a nice discount, and with the amount of cooking I do, every discount is welcome. Hope you don't mind, but if you do, there's nothing you can do, because I gave you this 1 month notice. 

 I'm hereby canceling our partnership effective this date 1 month later.   

Sincerely,

Your STBXpartner 

LadyMadrid08

A lot of people do this in Spain as well (called Pareja de Hecho) and I have no idea what they call their partners after.  I did know a woman who had done this and referred to her SO as her husband even though they weren't married.  I personally don't see any difference so I don't see it as a lie to call him your husband.  The only difference is that if you decide you want to cut and run it's easier than getting a divorce.  Isn't it?

TotZiens

He is your husband.   Tomato tomato.

 

 

 

Cohtats! 

rpic81

I'd call him my husband for simplicity's sake, or my partner.

And congratulations on being 'official' life partners now! 

NLfoodie

Thanks  

And with all of your 'blessing' I shall now refer to him as DH :-)  

NCV2

I so other than the cut and run thing are there other differences?

I would still go with H, I am just interested. 

titicole

In the UK, it would commonly be referred to as partner.  Not Life Partner, just Partner.

MintChocoChip

I'd go with husband.  Congrats!

I don't remember, why aren't you getting married?  Do you not believe in the instutition or is it an immigration thing or something else?

VABeach08

Firstname?  J/K-- I don't know, no great options:  husband works, but, to me it suggests 'married'; which if you guys aren't getting married, I'm assuming (maybe incorrectly), that you don't want to be/don't like marriage as a personal life choice for you? 

I agree on Partner sounding same-sex.  My BFF referred to her long-term, live-in, NZ agreement-sized BF as "partner" and it always  sounded off to me.  I think it might be a regional/national thing though-- apparently it was widely used by by hetero and homo sexuals, as opposed to where I grew up, in the States, it was more a same-sex title.

Companion-- but, that to me, sounds geriatric or golden retriever.  

Paramour and/or Lover-- just too creepy to handle (we once got a TY card addressed to H and "Lover"... awesome).

Betrothed-- it's retro!  How do you feel about Jane Austen?

Better Half-- it's flattering and kind of '50's retro.

I think I'd go with Better Half.  Seriously.

VABeach08

Stupid me... in my haste to label... I forgot the more important point:

Salut, Mazel Tov, Felicidades, or however you prefer to say it, congrats and best wishes for a lifetime of happiness!

NLfoodie

Everyone, thanks for the congrats! 

@NCV: besides the cut and run there are some tax related differences, but only if you have more than 1.5 (not sure which atm) million euros in assests per person. Since unfortunately we're not multi-millionaires, that doesn't apply to us.

 

@titicole: that's kinds what people in NL do too, but ' officially' that refers to yet another non-marriage way you can arrange things, which is commonly called gay marriage in NL (though gays can get normal marriages now, but before that was the case, the 'registered partnership'  was their only option.) So I've been noticing I've been specifying his name and emphasising HE when I say partner, because in general people do indeed assume you're gay if you use that.

 

@MintChoco/VABeach: The reason we're not getting married is bi-fold.

Our main issue is that we don't really feel the government has any business in our (love) life if we can help it. Marriage in NL is only legal if you go to city hall or have someone from city hall marry you in a city-hall-approved location that might be cooler. (No spiritual or religious ceremonies allowed, you can do that after the civil wedding for fun, but the only legal thing is a government employee marrying you). Getting married legally that way gives you some tax benefits and has some requirements towards each other/the state. Unless you are millionaires the contract we signed now gives you the same tax benefits. This document also gives you the option (even more than a Dutch prenup) to alter and tweak the requirements. Since the whole romantic 'til death do us part option is not legal in NL, (the vows actually say 'do you promise to uphold this countries marriage laws') it really is just a contract between you, spouse and the state. And that brings us back to us not feeling that it's important what the state thinks of our relationship.

My other reason is that if I get married, I want the whole big wedding with all my family and friends. With family in 3 countries and our family sizes, a wedding I'd want could likely pay for half our mortgage as we'd have to assist people with plane tickets and accommodations and stuff like that. 

In other words, a contract instead of a marriage is just SO much easier and cheaper for us. We'll get married when we win the lottery and otherwise this contract and our promises to each other are more than enough for us. 

 

gblake

Congrats! I think calling him DH is perfect. Many people here refer to their wife or husband as their partner. It's rare that I hear someone say wife or husband.

kelly321

In German they've got this word "Lebensabschnittspartner" which basically translates as "partner for this period of my life." I think it's rather depressing, as it implies that you assume you will end your relationship with this person when your current life stage is over.

An American I work with referred to her SO as her "partner" and I therefore thought she was a lesbian until she said something about "him." Sometimes I get this question in my English class from 40 year old women who don't want to refer to their SO as their "boyfriend" for obvious reasons. I tell them the easiest thing is to say "partner" and if they want to make the sex of said partner clear, they should say something like "Well my partner, John, thinks..."

And seriously lol at getting a TY addressed to H and "Lover." I hope you saved that envelope.

bluegirl2006

Married or not, as Gblake said it is common here to call your SO your partner - again, not life partner, just partner.

And Congratuations on your legal partnership!

TotZiens

What you are describing is exactly what a "marriage" is to me.  The husband and invent down to our towns city hall and signed paperwork and viola we were married.  We had a "wedding" at a hotel that involved no religious ceremonies.  We just had a guy "ordained" (and who we paid $300) say we were husband and wife.  

We had more government involved tha church

 Read this wiki on what marriage is

  http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage

 

It is interesting and basically says what marriage is can be open to interpretation by cultures.  You should interpret yours as his and and wife! 

LadyMadrid08

VABeach08:

Companion-- but, that to me, sounds geriatric or golden retriever.  

Paramour and/or Lover-- just too creepy to handle (we once got a TY card addressed to H and "Lover"... awesome).

Betrothed-- it's retro!  How do you feel about Jane Austen?

Better Half-- it's flattering and kind of '50's retro.

You're having a little too much fun with this.   

Oh, and NLFoodie, I also forgot to extend my congratulations.  So, congrats! 

FayeD

Congratulations!

Throw yourself a mini-reception/celebration and call him DH. Your news is worth celebrating a bit, isn't it?

GilliC

We have the same thing in Norway, and I always just use the Norwegian word for it (again it's almost literally "live together"). I've heard most English-speakers just say "partner" for it, though I'm not a fan of the term. I'm with everyone else who says that if you're not following this up with a "marriage," and you're lifetime-committed, then just say husband. It's not uncommon here for "live togethers" to split up after a few years, so most eventually get married. (I think this might be why the divorce statistics are lower - the "live togethers" take away a lot of the first-few-years divorces you see in the US.)

I think* the big difference here is that it's not recognized as "married" by other countries, so you would need to go to city hall and sign a marriage contract if you want it recognized by another country.

* Totally don't know for sure, but I believe this to be factual.

Icexpat

Icelandic has a handy word for that.. "maki". More important than a boyfriend but not your husband (it's not a gender specific word so can be used for any kind of gender mix). I always think mmm sushi. What about "spouse"? It sounds more long term than boyfriend but doesn't necessarily imply a wedding happened IMO. That's usually how Icelanders translate the word when they speak English.

 

This is one of those places where English definitely fails in comparison to other languages with all their great words to define the intricacies of relationships! As with Norwegian, Icelandic also has "samb??" which is when you're living together in a way that can be registered with the state and gives you rights with regard to children you have together etc. 

wise_rita

English needs a nice, convenient word like several other languages mentioned in this post.

I struggle with this, too.  For the most part, I work with my audience.  To Brits I say "partner" (and as I've learned here I will say that in Australia, too).  To Americans I say "boyfriend", but immediately put on a disclaimer that we've been together forever and I hate to use that junior high word.

Americans need to adopt the term "partner" as a long term, opposite sex, we-just-haven't-bothered-to-get-married-yet relationship.  ::gavel::  

jen&L

I'd go with "partner" or "husband".  I live in US.  I've heard plenty of people use "partner" to refer to their opposite-sex partner.  I think it's perfectly fine (although that may depends on the region).