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Total shock
The husband and I have hit a rough patch and it is taking time to get out of this funk. He was been pretty impatient with the kids lately and not his usual self. I know work is stressful but that still is no excuse for his behavior.
On Christmas Eve we went to his parents house. I felt like he was more into socializing with other people than us. We have four children, the youngest who just turned one. He was socializing and carrying on as though he was a single guy. He did not once come to me and take the youngest to free me up to eat. I mingled with the baby on my hip all night (he does not yet walk). The oldest two are 7 and 9 so they pretty much fended for themselves. We also have a 4 year old who is very finicky and my husband did not once think about or even ask if she was hungry.
Family members and other couples with children all gathered in the living room to open gifts. My husband was so busy socializing he never noticed that this was going on. I was really upset after we had left and said I could not believe that he would tune us out completely. He said he was tired and that he was sorry. He also said someone should have come get him.
The total shocker came today. It is a shock because it is something I could not imagine putting a child through. Our oldest son got money as well as gift cards for Christmas. We decided to brave it out and go to the mall so he could get something he wanted. He put his gift cards and $30 cash on the kitchen table. One of his gift cards was $30 and another was $50 to the same store. The cards did not have the amount inscripted in the back but he wanted to distinguish which had what amount. My husband abruptly took them from his hand and with a pen made note of the amounts on the back.
After a few minutes, my son is really upset and said he was missing the $20 bill. Prior to this, my husband had gone to the bathroom upstairs. My son told my husband that he may have taken it by mistake when the big fuss with the gift cards happened a few minutes prior. My husband made a simple situation an exasperating one for our son and denied ever touching it. I flipped over the sofa cushions just in case and my son did the same thing but kept assuring my husband that he had left it on the table. My husband all of the sudden decides that he has to go to the bathroom downstairs, comes out. Looks through the sofa cushions again, and all of the sudden, he finds the $20 bill. No apology.
I have a gut feeling he took it by mistake but was too prideful and arrogant to apologize. He went in the bathroom a second time and probably counted the money he had on him and realized he had $20 too much and came out and ironically finds the $20 in the same sofa my son had just looked through. I guess it was just easier to tear your own son down to the point of tears to apologize. I am so pissed.
Re: Total shock
This was the total shocker?
hmmmm sounds like a lot of over dramatization by you.
I'm not saying your H hasn't been distant or even dickish, but you details of the events of the day may explain why.
Did you ever once ask him to take the baby for ten minutes so you could get something to eat? Did you go up to him and say "Hey, we're opening gifts in the other room, why don't you join us?"
I'm not saying there aren't issues here but based on what you wrote, it's not all on your husband.
I vote that the money/card incident is no big deal.
I don't get why some women think a spouse or a SO has to be by their side every second when both are in attendance at a social event. You're blowing this out of proportion.
Why not just ask him to take the baby? Isn't 4 old enough to let you know if they are hungry?
The $20 thing would annoy me, but I'm thinking perhaps he would rather cover the whole thing up than deal with you overreacting.
Currently Reading: Don Quixote by Miguel De Cervantes
Perfectly stated.
I opened this post expecting to be shocked and the only shock was how passive aggressive your relationship sounds.
Try using your mouth to ask your husband to do things, instead of stewing over them and waiting for him to read your mind - he never will! Nor should he and vice versa.
1.) Your husband is allowed to socialize at events. He doesn't have to be glued to you or your children's needs 100% of the time. If you want him to take the baby walk over and ask him to do it while you eat, go to the bathroom and socialize for a while.
2.) Did you ask your own son if he was hungry? Why didn't your 4 year old tell you he wanted something to eat? Is this family incapable of piping up for their needs? Why do you expect anyone to mind read?
3.) The 20 dollar bill thing stinks, but in the grand scheme of things is not going to scar anyone for life.
Relax!