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Invited to the reception but not the ceremony.
We recently received an invitation for a wedding reception that we are invited to but not the ceremony. Apparently the wedding ceremony is private with only immediate family and then they are having a reception with 100 guests at the same venue. This bothers me. I've been invited to several weddings like this and it always bothers me because I think it's gift grabby. If someone wants an intimate wedding with only immediate family then that is how the whole shindig should be in my opinion. I just think it's rude to say "You're not good enough to see us actually get married which is what this whole thing is about, but you're good enough to bring us a present." A friend of mine had her ceremony in a really small venue and then had a large reception that followed which makes a little more sense since it was very important for her to get married in a certain location but she still wanted the large wedding feel; however, I just think having the ceremony and wedding in the same location yet picking and choosing who is invited to which event is down right rude. I actually don't think I'm going to attend this reception or send a gift because of this.
Does this bother anyone else or am I alone on this one?
*I apologize if anyone on this board had a wedding like this and I am offending you. Maybe I'm thinking about it the wrong way and you can enlighten me?*
Re: Invited to the reception but not the ceremony.
Um yeah I would view it the same way as you. It seems a little ridiculous, and frankly the ceremony should be the most important part.
I understand there's always exceptions, but I'd have to say I'd give a side-eye and be slightly offended if I wasn't invited to the ceremony.
Are you invited to dinner or only drinks/dancing? That's what I would base my gift-buying decision on.
I can understand a private family ceremony, but I would be buying a much less expensive gift (or not going at all) if I was invited to the after-dinner part of the reception only.
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TTC Since January 2011 - We have bad spermThe invitation says "A private ceremony will be held for immediate family earlier in the evening but we'd love for you to join us for drinks, dancing, and dessert later on!" so I am assuming a meal isn't included; it also doesn't start until 8pm.
I'm glad to hear I'm not just being snotty about this. I really don't think we're going to go because we're not that close to the bride and groom and I just think the whole thing is kind of rude...maybe I'll try to find out if it's open bar and that'll help sway me one way or the other lol.
We held our wedding on a Friday, and didn't want to make people travel and take week day time off to come to the ceremony, aside from immediate family. We had our reception (at a totally different venue) the following day and had about triple the number of guests. Our reception was done as a huge party - we had open bar the full evening, food, dancing, etc. and did a slideshow that included pics from the day before. I didn't hear any grumbling from friends about the separate ceremony/reception, but it was a bit different.
The "same venue" does surprise me. It can obviously accommodate the number of people. Strange.
Kenna, I actually was thinking about your wedding as I was typing the original post because the way you did yours was classy and made perfect sense. I've been to a couple weddings similiar to how yours was planned and I didn't think twice about it. I think the part that bothers me so much about this is that it's at the very same venue just a few hours later. It just doesn't make sense to me which is why I feel like it's sort of just a way to get gifts.
I did this for my wedding and I know it goes against ettiquette.
Here is my reasoning (perhaps your bride and groom have something similar): Our ceremony venue could only hold 90 people seated. We chose a reception venue that could hold more. I would have been delighted to only invite 90 people to the reception, but MIL wouldn't cut her list down (14 second cousins + their spouses made up a majority of the overage and they weren't invited to the ceremony). I wasn't being gift grabby in fact I wouldn't have cared if they brought a gift or not (some of them may not have, I didn't notice). Maybe too it is just the area I live in or my friends and family, but at most weddings I attend there are twice as many people at the reception than the ceremony, so to make myself feel better I told myself I was saving them the trouble of feeling bad for not coming to the wedding and just coming to party.
ETA: I don't take offense to your offense
Some couples do this out of necessity while others may do it just for gifts. Because I was "selfish" and wouldn't pick another ceremony venue, we had to do it this way.
What you did makes sense to me though, that's the same thing one of my best friends did. I think it is just odd to me that they are having both the ceremony and the reception at the same exact venue but only inviting certain people to the ceremony. Eh, it's their big day though, I am sure I did some things at our wedding that people didn't agree with or thought just weren't 100% right, but it was our day and I didn't care what other people thought lol, so perhaps I need to get off my high horse and go, buy a gift, and celebrate with them rather than judging them
Thanks ladies!