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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
RREEALLLY long vent about my 11 year old and School
Ok, ive been super frusterated lately. My oldest (chad) is driving me NUTS. Most of the time it is all homework / school related. He'll bring home his homework and not know how to do it, or wont remember what exactly it is he is supposed to do. They gave him a journal in class to write down his assignments and then i have to check them off at home after he does them... He will right things like "rough draft"..... Well of WHAT, kid????? he wont "remember".
So then last week, i knew he had a lab report do for a project he was working on in school. He basically had the rough draft done, but needed to spell check it and then write out a final copy. On friday (like 2 fridays ago i guess) I went thru my normal "what do you have for homework" thing and there was NOTHING. Ok.. good, not abnormal to not have homework on the weekends. He has a fun normal weekend. I wrote a note asking his teacher when his lab report was due because i know Chad gets forgetful and wouldnt ask. Well the little crap head... He went to school on Monday, wrote in his journal that it was due, and then SIGNED my name and tried to passthe rough draft in as a final copy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! He never gave his teacher the note from me ( i should have emailed her, but i didnt want to be "that" mom who bugs the teachers every 30 seconds). So he LIED and he forged my handwirting... (clearly it wasnt mine, but you know what i mean).
Fast forward to last night. Comes home from school again with this project half done that he had started in class. TOTALLY WRONG, everything glued on. says "the teacher said to put them on the paper, doesnt matter where". I looked at the instructions that the teacher sent home... Totally step by step what he had to do. We were up until almost 11, doing homework. He gets home at 230 and we only breaked for him to have dinner. I dont even know what to do anymore.
Oh, and the icing on the cake.... I've been trying to get him to stay after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays to get extra help from the teachers and get a jump on his homework. Well, out of the blue today, he asks to stay after. YAY i am thinking, he is trying to get stuff together... So i do email his teachers, because I know that on certain days, they have a late bus that brings kids home. Being new to this area, i did not know how it all worked. His teacher writes me back that he is not staying after for extra help, he is staying after because he got himself a detention for being disruptive on friday. WWHHAATT?? Again, i know all kids do this, but damn.... he is on a roll.
I honestly think i need to get him some help. He wont talk to Carl or I or his father at all. I was going to be bringing him to florida for a week in december and as of last night I called my MIL and cancelled the whole thing. I dont think it would be good to take him out of school for a week if he cant stay on top of the stuff he has to do now. I am out all this money now and I still dont know what to do with him. Advice anyone????
So then last week, i knew he had a lab report do for a project he was working on in school. He basically had the rough draft done, but needed to spell check it and then write out a final copy. On friday (like 2 fridays ago i guess) I went thru my normal "what do you have for homework" thing and there was NOTHING. Ok.. good, not abnormal to not have homework on the weekends. He has a fun normal weekend. I wrote a note asking his teacher when his lab report was due because i know Chad gets forgetful and wouldnt ask. Well the little crap head... He went to school on Monday, wrote in his journal that it was due, and then SIGNED my name and tried to passthe rough draft in as a final copy. ARE YOU KIDDING ME! He never gave his teacher the note from me ( i should have emailed her, but i didnt want to be "that" mom who bugs the teachers every 30 seconds). So he LIED and he forged my handwirting... (clearly it wasnt mine, but you know what i mean).
Fast forward to last night. Comes home from school again with this project half done that he had started in class. TOTALLY WRONG, everything glued on. says "the teacher said to put them on the paper, doesnt matter where". I looked at the instructions that the teacher sent home... Totally step by step what he had to do. We were up until almost 11, doing homework. He gets home at 230 and we only breaked for him to have dinner. I dont even know what to do anymore.
Oh, and the icing on the cake.... I've been trying to get him to stay after school on Tuesdays and Thursdays to get extra help from the teachers and get a jump on his homework. Well, out of the blue today, he asks to stay after. YAY i am thinking, he is trying to get stuff together... So i do email his teachers, because I know that on certain days, they have a late bus that brings kids home. Being new to this area, i did not know how it all worked. His teacher writes me back that he is not staying after for extra help, he is staying after because he got himself a detention for being disruptive on friday. WWHHAATT?? Again, i know all kids do this, but damn.... he is on a roll.
I honestly think i need to get him some help. He wont talk to Carl or I or his father at all. I was going to be bringing him to florida for a week in december and as of last night I called my MIL and cancelled the whole thing. I dont think it would be good to take him out of school for a week if he cant stay on top of the stuff he has to do now. I am out all this money now and I still dont know what to do with him. Advice anyone????
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Re: RREEALLLY long vent about my 11 year old and School
This may be a bit different coming from a guidance counselor here, but at the middle school we see this all of the time. Is he in 6th grade? I wouldn't worry about being "that parent", as this is your son's academics, and as soon as he knows you and his teachers are in conversation and are working together, I'm thinking it might help the situation a bit. The kids truly at times do not think the teachers and the parents talk, and they think they can get away with these kinds of things. Of course, with certain kids, this doesn't matter/might take much longer to improve. At our school, we have what is called ed-line, where the parents and students can, at all times via internet, see how the child is doing/what the homework is, etc. Not sure if your school has that? As far as you checking off on the HW, that is great as well. The only issue there is, is he filling in the correct homework assignments? That's the problem- without you emailing the teachers every day (which believe me, some parents do), there is no way for you to tell if he's telling the truth. Some parents and teachers say the punishment and consequence for this behavior is the child seeing the failing grade/risk of staying back. But kids are so in the moment that this does not always work until it is too late... they don't see the big picture and those threats don't always work. What we do at school, as well, is have the kids bring their assignment notebooks to the teacher (again, the kids' responsibility here, gets a bit tricky at times with the young age), have the teacher check off that they wrote down the correct assignment, and then the parents will sign off that they know the child did the assignment. If the teachers oblige, they will let the parents know the next day if the child did not do the assignment...and so the lying is evident.
Also, if a parent requires a child to go to after school help, they must attend. The parent can always call to see if the child did go.. if they did not show up, they receive a detention.
It is really hard at this age, b/c you want to instill responsibility, but you also know that this is a typical time for (especially) boys to "test" their limits, hang with different types of kids, etc. I believe positive reinforcement is much better than negative (such as doing all homework for one week straight, you receive a privilege back, etc. etc), but if the child continues to push the limits, there's not much else to do except lay down the law.
And without stepping on any toes here, I think you made an excellent decision regarding not going to Florida. I see so many parents taking their kids out of school, when the student isn't even passing! Not the best life lesson you want to be teaching.
I wish I had more concrete advice, but in my experience at the middle school, this does pass...sixth grade is such a tough age for the boys. Good luck!
THANK YOU!!!
At his old school, he used to have a "journal" that would get signed back and fourth every day between the teacher and us. It worked well because it told us of what he was doing, and if he had gotten into any trouble, etc. At that school,. he was in one class all day (except the arts) and the teachers could do it. At his new school, he is more "jr. high" style where his classes change every period and all his teachers change. I asked about the notebook thing and they dont really have the time for that, which i understand, as we need to teach Chad to be more responsible. We cant always spoon feed him forever.
I think the biggest problem is, that they keep passing him up to the next grade. I hate to say this but in all honesty, i dont think he should have passed into the 6th grade. I made my concerns known, but the school suggested otherwise so i went with it. I am trying VERY hard to make sure he stays on the right track.. rewards, etc but it is not working. I thought that if he knew he would be FINALLY going to disney, that he would take initiative but it has only gotten worse... Im ready to put my head thru a wall. We do have something like you mentioned Ed-Online. It is called PowerSchool here. We can go on,. see what his grades are and sometimes the teachers will put in what homework they have. Most of his teachers only update it once a week, so by the time they put it on there, it could be 3 or 4 days past due. I just dont know what to do to help the situation. I guess the first step is to get in contact with his school people (teachers, councelors, etc) and see what they suggest.
He's already been tested for learning disabilities, etc and all that came back fine. He just doesnt want to pay attention or do the work. We had him in very indepth state testing... meetings with the school committee, councelors, etc and they all came to the same conclusion. It is not that he cant do the work, he just wont.
That is what makes it so difficult- when you know there are no learning disabilities... it is simply a choice. I know it sounds nuts, but at least then you might have a reason, right? I would definitely call the counselor, and have him/her set up a meeting with the teachers and go from there. You may not be comfortable with this, as I know some parents are not, but at times we also call the kiddo into the meeting with us... so that we are not only all on the same page, but so he/she knows we mean business.
And as far as my school goes, a child gets retained if he or she has failed two or more subjects for the year. This of course is a last-resort, but for kids who are just not ready maturity-wise, it does help them in the end. I know- it's exhausting!