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Our tech team has launched updates to The Nest today. As a result of these updates, members of the Nest Community will need to change their password in order to continue participating in the community. In addition, The Nest community member's avatars will be replaced with generic default avatars. If you wish to revert to your original avatar, you will need to re-upload it via The Nest.
If you have questions about this, please email help@theknot.com.
Thank you.
Note: This only affects The Nest's community members and will not affect members on The Bump or The Knot.
annoucements
so here i am working on lillian's announcement when i get an email with a copy of an announcement made by my il's. they apparently have already sent out grandparent announcements. is this normal? i cant help but feel that our toes have been stepped on a little bit since i havent sent out our own announcements yet. it's not like i am slacking, she is less than 2 weeks old and they will go out tomorrow.
what is everyone else's view on this? am i over reacting?
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Re: annoucements
I think your feelings (toes being stepped on), is completely normal. My reaction to it would depend on a few things: who did the IL's send the announcements to? If they went out to their friends only and people that you wouldn't normally send announcements to, I'd be fine with it. The more the merrier, they want to spread the joy!
If your IL's sent them to the family, including people on your list, then I'd be pissed. To me, that would be overstepping.
But, if the damage is done, I'd think long and hard about how to handle it. Will any good come from talking to your IL's about it? Do you hope/plan to have more kids in the future? Then maybe I'd say something when pg with that child (ie 'I know you may be anxious to send out 'Grandparent' announcements for baby #2, but we were really hoping to send them out to the family ourselves this time. I would be delighted if you sent them to your friends.' - Something like that). Besides, it could be a whole lot worse - they could not care about their new grandbaby.
Bottom line, no one minds getting good news in the mail. So I would just move forward as planned and send my own announcements. I wouldn't want refrain from sharing in my joy too
I guess I'd try to let it go...rejoice in the fact that they are excited about their new grandchild...and go forward as planned.
Congrats on the new baby!
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ya i didnt plan on saying anything i figured it wouldnt do any good. and yes i am glad that they are excited. but they did send them to family (ppl who would have been on our list) it just really bothered me given the things they had done earlier in the pregnancy and being so clingy. for example posting her pics on fb before dh and i gave ok. we hadnt even had the chance to call ppl yet. i just worry they are setting a precident for how they will handle these things in the future.
i will still send out my own and i am glad everyone is excited. i guess i just needed to vent my frustration.
thank you for the feedback. this is just a whole new situation for me
Personally....I would have gone apeshit. But I am a mega control freak and that would have been highly offensive to me because birth announcements are for parents to do.
I would suggest your DH mention that while you love that they are so happy about being grandparents that they need to respect the process you guys are working through and that means that birth announcements are your job, FB announcements are your job, etc. That you would like to experience being the first to tell and share the joys because when they jump in and do it for you, it kind of steals your thunder.
I am in the camp of...honesty is the best policy and making sure parents and IL's understand their place...meaning your marriage, your family...and you welcome them in.
I sound so mean I am sure...but honestly I am super organic with everything else. I really believe in grandparents figuring out their own style with kids (I don't set rules for when EJ is at their house except asking for them to attempt to give him a nap and to attempt to feed him something healthy). They are still grandparents and deserve to cultivate that relationship how they see fit since I am sure we can assume that in they are good people and have the child's best interest at heart.
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
Money Matters The other half's blog.
EJ is growing up too fast!
Wow. I would have been pissed off. I didn't even know grandparents sent out announcements. But since it seems some of them do, I believe your in-laws should have waited until after you had time to send yours.
I would still go ahead and send yours to everyone on your list.
My thoughts exactly. Reminds me of a story I read recently about grandparenting classes here.
Interesting! I didn't know about these classes either. Although, I can understand how Roxy's mil and other grandparents could benefit from them.
Agreed.
oy vey !
i get excited grandparents .. .but il's sending out their own grandkid birth announcements w/out so much as asking you .. ouch ! i'm curious, is this the first grandchild for them ?!?
i would tell them how disapointed i was that THEY decided to send out announcement before you. i always thought that birth announcements were a parents thing, not grandparents. i usually let lots of things slide for the sake of family harmony etc. but this would be one of those times where i'd say something.
eta: rosie was FIVE months old when i finally got around to sending out her announcements. in the interim while i'm sure plenty of people heard about her arrival from my parents and grandpa .. they didn't send out any formal announcement (unless you count the church bulletion, a formal announcement - dad's church in OH).
yes she is the first grandchild for both sets of grandparents. but dh is an only child so his parents rely on me for grand babies
the combo of only child, first grandbaby is a perfect storm of sorts .. doesn't excuse their behavior but it definitely explains alot of it.
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I'm trying to understand how excited they are about their first grandchild, but honestly? Sending out announcements before you and without your permission is unacceptable. I would be furious...which is why I would have my H sit down with them know how you feel and how disappointed/sad/upset you are about what they did. He needs to lay out some boundries that you two agree upon so you don't feel walked on going forward. I'm sure it wasn't malicious, but if it were me, it would need to be addressed. Good luck with however you decide to handle it.
And big congrats on your gorgeous new addition!!
i do feel like pulling away but at the same time i dont want to push too hard and end up alienating h from his family and having him resent
mil texted me the other day asking for a copy of our announcement bc she is making a scrapbook for lily. it just feels like she is taking over a lot of things that i already have in the works for her. i know its coming from a place of love its just a little overwhelming thats all.
ahhhh i knew it would be hard once she was born i just didn
tt
stupid tablet.....
i just didnt realize having a baby came with sooooo much extra family crap
What does your DH say about it? Does he see the boundaries they're crossing?
I'd have to talk to them because otherwise I'd push them away (which isn't what I want)
I have a feeling you'll be fighting this battle for a lifetime but I think you need to fight it because otherwise (if it were me) I'd be angry and resentful of every boundary crossing action and I never feel like it's fair for me to be mad and not tell the other person how their actions have hurt/offended me.
I would be pissed. And then I would approach it from the stance of "in the future we'd like to make sure that people hear about milestones from us, rather than second or third hand." and make it clear that you're ok with them sharing, but you want to do it first. And if they argue, remind them that they've had their chance to share the milestones of their own child and now it's your turn.
Good luck!
You and your DH first need to get on the same page here. Is he upset about this? If not, does he at least understand your point of view and support you? It's really him that should be speaking to his parents about why this was a bad move on their part, and what your expectations (as a couple) are for the future.
I don't think this is something you can just ignore and hope it will go away. When it comes to IL relationships like this, I think it's important to be clear and set boundaries early, while also picking your battles. Personally, I think they screwed up big time in this case and I wouldn't be able to just let it go (but there may be times in the future when they do or say something that's just annoying or not your cup of tea, but in the grand scheme of things not that big of a deal.)
They were crossing the line during the pregnancy, from what I remember from your posts. It's unrealistic to expect common sense out of them now, when it comes to the baby. If you didn't speak up and make them aware that this upset you, they're probably just going to do something similar again in the future. If you're willing to accept that, then so be it. If you're not, now is the time to speak up.
It's awkward and we all wish we didn't have to be in situations like that, but sometimes there is no choice. It helps a ton and makes a huge difference if you have the backing of your spouse. Good luck!